Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

IT GETS BETTER: Seeing Beyond the Horizon
by Tracy Baim
2010-10-13

This article shared 3824 times since Wed Oct 13, 2010
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


The recent heart-wrenching stories of gay youth committing suicide are just unimaginable horrors for their families and our community. Despite decades of work, and progress, on gay rights, we still see the high cost of homophobia. Gay kids have always been at high risk for attempting suicide. What is different now, it seems, is that parents are more willing to call attention to the tragedies, so that the stories can be told in the media.

Suicide is a very personal topic for me. When I was a sophomore in college, I tried to kill myself. For complicated reasons, in part for social pressure and in part because I feared ( and was told ) I could not be openly gay and a journalist, I took dozens of pills in an effort to end my life. When it was clear to me that I might not succeed and may instead be damaged physically, I called for help and ended up in the hospital for a week. My school forced me into therapy in order to remain living in the dorm that year.

Therapy did not help, but coming so close to losing my life did change me. I had actually almost been killed twice before, once at the hands of a knife-wielding attacker when I was 15, and again by a driver who ran a red light into the car I was driving, but this was different, this was at my own choosing, and an oddly empowering act. I wrote about the attempt in my poetry journal for my English professor, who just happened to be Mark Doty, now a well-known and award-winning openly gay poet. He was not openly gay back then, and he courageously came out to me in the pages of my poetry journal, telling me, in so many words, "it gets better."

That's why I was very inspired when Dan Savage started his new YouTube channel "It Gets Better." Those few words my professor wrote to me in the early 1980s impacted my life in a profound way. Not just the words, but the risk I knew he took in coming out to me—in trusting me.

From that moment on, and every day since, I have not allowed external forces to dictate who I am, or what I can do. As weird as it sounds, the suicide attempt freed me to be all I could be, without the constraints of society. I am not suggesting people attempt suicide to free themselves—I should not have had to do that to know I could be my own person.

I was actually among the lucky ones. Growing up, I had a supportive family. I had gay role models ( family friends ) . I was kind of out in high school, or at least defined by the lesbian friends I hung out with. And in college, I was boldly out and started the Drake University women's soccer club that year. I was pretty well received and not a social outcast, at least among the friends I cared about. Yet I just couldn't take it anymore, no matter how busy I kept doing school newsletters, starting groups, or writing articles. Something triggered in me a fear of the unknown future.

But because gays even today have very few immediate adult gay role models, and some come from unsupportive families, the pressures still can be just as much as when I was growing up in the 1970s and 1980s. And many gay adults are afraid of mentoring gay youth because of the age-old stereotypes about recruitment and molestation. But it is the closeted homophobes ( and pastors ) who put our kids at risk, not out and proud, well-adjusted LGBT adults. We should no longer fear being out to youth, because they are coming out at ever-younger ages. And some of these kids who are killing themselves may not even be gay, but rather they fit stereotypes and are harassed for being gay—they, too, need to see they have infinite choices ahead. That it will get better for them, too.

I am very fortunate to have survived my suicide attempt. But I do not regret it, because it created a "before" and "after" for me that changed my life for the better. From that moment on I knew it was my choice, and mine alone, to be on this planet. It sounds funny to say that knowing you do NOT have to be here frees you to really BE here, but that has worked for me. No one stands in my way, even if they shout me down at a public meeting about gay rights, or make harassing calls to my work, or send threatening letters in email or snail mail.

To the gay kids, and those who are otherwise "different," I am telling you it does, absolutely, get better. The bullies will not go away, and you may always be called names ( someone driving quickly by a recent Rockford gay protest yelled "faggot" from their car at those gathered ) . But you have to choose to live your life for you, and never mind the bullies. They do not have the power, you do. Find sanctuary if you have to, but know there are people out here who want to help you.

IN THIS ISSUE [ LINK HERE OR FROM THIS ISSUE'S MAIN INDEX ]

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Anti-suicide project reflects on cases

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php DePaul vigil remembers teen suicides

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Kirk Williamson

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Toni Weaver

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Amy Pirtle

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Bobby Pirtle

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Eric Marcus

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Alexandra Billings

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Caleb's Story

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Karlis Streips

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by John R. Cepek

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Judy Shepard

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Lee Lynch

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Kristi Keorkunian

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Joshua Plant

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Chris Hill

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Trevor Project Chicago events

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Stopping Bullies in Illinois

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Mother of Slain Teen Gwen Araujo Addresses LGBT Youth Suicide by Sylvia Guerrero

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Carl G. Streed Jr.

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Thom Bierdz

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Kit Duffy

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Vernita Gray

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Wancy Young Cho

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php RESOURCES

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php QUOTES


This article shared 3824 times since Wed Oct 13, 2010
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

No charges filed in Nex Benedict fight; campaigns call for Walters' removal 2024-03-22
- In Oklahoma, Tulsa County District Attorney Stephen Kunzweiler announced that no charges will be filed in connection with the fight that happened the day before transgender, nonbinary high school student Nex Benedict died by suicide, NBC ...


Gay News

UPDATE: Nex Benedict's death ruled a suicide; family responds 2024-03-13
- A medical examiner's report concluded that the cause of death of Oklahoma student Nex Benedict (he/they) was suicide, media reports confirmed. Benedict—a 16-year-old transgender student—died Feb. 8, a day after ...


Gay News

WORLD Queer teen dies, trans activist honored, HIV drugs, mpox, British lesbian 2023-12-01
- In India, queer makeup artist Pranshu reportedly died by suicide—at age 16—after being subjected to relentless attacks online, PinkNews noted. On social media, LGBTQIA+-rights advocacy collective Yes, We Exist claimed ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Trevor Project, anti-trans crimes, priest sentenced, hate-crimes unit 2023-11-24
- The Trevor Project announced the extension of its partnership with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, reaffirming its commitment to providing specialized assistance to LGBTQ+ people who call 9-8-8, The Advocate reported. Interim Senior Vice President ...


Gay News

Study: 40% of trans people have attempted suicide 2023-07-21
- A new study from the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law found that 81% of transgender adults in the country have thought about suicide, 42% of transgender adults have attempted it and 56% have engaged ...


Gay News

New 988 National Suicide Prevention Hotline number launches 2022-07-17
- On July 16, Vibrant Emotional Health—the nonprofit that operates the lifeline on behalf of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)—launched ...


Gay News

Trevor Project: 45% of LGBTQ youth considered suicide in the past year 2022-05-26
- The Trevor Project recently released its 2022 survey on the mental health of LGBTQ+ youth. According to an introduction from Trevor Project CEO & Executive Director Amit Paley, the survey demonstrates that rates of suicidal thoughts ...


Gay News

WORLD Trevor Project, Ukraine items, LGBTQ politician, Kosovo's anti-gay move 2022-03-20
- The Trevor Project—the LGBTQ+ suicide-prevention organization named after "Trevor," an Academy Award-winning short film about a gay teenager who attempts suicide—is expanding its services into Mexico, NBC News reported. The ...


Gay News

Gay Maryland mayor dies by suicide 2022-01-30
- The Maryland city of Hyattsville released a statement announcing its city's openly gay mayor, Kevin Ward, had died by an apparent suicide, The Washington Blade reported. On Twitter, the city posted, "It is with great sadness ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Bullying items, non-binary student, trans ornaments, Hillary Clinton 2021-12-12
- In Tennessee, a Bedford County seventh-grader died by suicide Nov. 28 after he was ruthlessly bullied for being gay, according to LGBTQ Nation. The parents of 12-year-old Eli Fritchley say his peers repeatedly told him he ...


Gay News

Lil Nas X receives inaugural Trevor Project award 2021-09-05
- The Trevor Project announced that "Old Town Road" rapper Lil Was X was the recipient of its inaugural Suicide Prevention Advocate of the Year Award. On its website, the organization stated, " Lil Nas X has ...


Gay News

Gender-affirming care associated with lower suicide risk for transgender people 2021-09-01
--From a Williams Institute press release - A summary of current data on suicide risk and prevention among transgender people in recognition of Suicide Prevention Month Transgender people who need and receive gender-affirming medical care have a lower prevalence of suicide thoughts and ...


Gay News

Trevor Project data on LGBTQ youth suicide shows urgency of Equality Act 2021-07-06
--From a press release - WASHINGTON, DC — Today, Freedom & Opportunity For All, a national campaign advocating for the urgent passage of the Equality Act, and The Trevor Project, the world's largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Social-justice activist, dominatrix Mistress Velvet dies 2021-05-21
- PASSAGES Social-justice activist, dominatrix Mistress Velvet dies By Carrie Maxwell Social-justice activist and dominatrix Mistress Velvet (who used they/them pronouns) died by suicide May 9 in Chicago. They were 33. ...


Gay News

Trevor Project releases 2021 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2021-05-19
--From a press release - WASHINGTON, DC May 19, 2021 The Trevor Project, the world's largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ) young people ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.