I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt that I was watching the Jerry Springer Show and a guy named George W. came on. George said that he had something to tell his wife of many years. As is his wont, Jerry asked George whether the marriage was a good one and whether George loved his wife. George answered that it was good and that he very much loved his Laura, but that there was a little something missing in the relationship, and said he was on the program to tell his wife that he had been cheating on her for the past year. When Jerry asked what was missing, George said that it was camaraderie and the good old feeling that guys get when they're with like-minded people. The audience groaned.
Jerry brought Laura out. Laura told Jerry that the marriage was a good one, that they had wonderful children together, and seemed a little confused as to why she was on the show. Jerry turned to George and the latter said, "Well, you know honey, that I really love you very much, but there's something I've got to tell you, ... I've been cheating on you." The audience hissed. Laura, of course, looked nonplussed and angry, and asked who George's other lover might be.
Before George had a chance to respond, Jerry said, "Let's bring him out!" and out pops a guy named Al, who threw himself into George's arms and started kissing him, right there in front of the audience ( who screamed and howled ) and the millions of viewers of the nationally syndicated show. "I really love this guy," Al said, "the only problem we ever have is deciding, on any one occasion, who's going to be the top and who's going to be the bottom, but I really love it when George takes charge and pushes my legs into the air." "Wait a minute," George said, "so do I!" The audience started applauding. Al said, "This guy really has a great body, his mind's not as sharp as I would like, but he's got great technique in bed." George responded by saying that he thought that Al was a great thinker, but that he had seen bodies which were not quite so chunky, but that he dug grabbing Al's love handles. Each professed his caring for the other and each spoke of the admiration they had for the other. The audience laughed.
Laura seemed not to be able to say anything, she looked so shocked, but Jerry turned to her and said, "Wait a minute, don't you have something to say, also?" The audience oohed and aahed. Laura said, "Well, Jerry, I do have to tell George that I've been sleeping with someone else, too, for the past eight months. She knows what I like, and pays attention to me. My husband is always out in the hustings and never has enough time for me." The audience seemed to hold its collective breath. Once again, Jerry requested the guest to come out, and Tipper appeared. Tipper and Laura hugged each other passionately. "Only on the Jerry Springer Show," the host said. Tipper said that she used to get depressed about how little time and energy Al spent with her, but now that she had found Laura, it was no longer a problem. "In fact," she said, "I hope that we can all be one happy family together. I know that our kids will get along with each other and I hope that we can get a nice big house so that we can all live together and sleep together." The audience clapped.
George and Al looked at each other. There was no animosity during this interchange. Each looked adoringly at their spouses and at their recently found lovers. The only questions were whether George and Tipper would get it together, and whether Al and Laura would. When Jerry asked them about that, each said "probably not," because the new relationships had opened a whole new world to them, one which was satisfying and pleasurable. Each said, however, that it "might" happen, because they were all nice people and pleasant enough looking. The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then, in my dream, the four principles, in unison, said, "This is the new standard for family values." I applauded enthusiastically!