Brad Lamm has gone from television-show personality to consultant at Harpo to contributor for the Dr. Oz Show.Losing himself in the world of drugs along the way, he has written his first book How to Change Someone You Love to help people. Lamm talked about the book; last year's seminar at the Center on Halsted; and his own same-sex wedding, which Oprah attended.
Windy City Times: This is your first book?
Brad Lamm: Yes, my first book.
WCT: How was the experience of writing it?
Brad Lamm: Have you ever been to the Fire Island Pines?
WCT: No.
Brad Lamm: It's a little spit of land off of Long Island. I was out there July 4th weekend three summers ago and a family called me that night. They needed help with a family member. I talked them through a 90-minute phone call on how to help their gay son who was a twin. There were literally 10 siblings on the phone. I really broke it down for them and they did it. My brother, Scott, said that I should write a book.
WCT: So then you wrote your plan out right?
Brad Lamm: It took a while. It was two summers at the Pines. My husband would look and ask, "What are you doing?" I would say, "I am writing." We got married and went on our honeymoon and while we were there I started getting responses from publishers. Sixteen publishers wanted it and there was an auction. It was an exciting moment.
WCT: Were you married with your husband before Prop 8 in California?
Brad Lamm: Yes, right in that window. It was beautiful. Alice Walker married us, Gayle King spoke at our wedding and Oprah was there. The wedding was at the Bel-Air Hotel. It was a slice of magic with just our family and friends, the happiest day of my life.
WCT: [ Regarding ] your battle with drugs you actually don't recommend the ambush-style intervention that was done on you by your family?
Brad Lamm: I don't. That's the prevailing wisdom that you have to trap the person or they won't talk to you. I think that comes from a few things. It comes from that fear of them saying no or walking out or being mad at you.
WCT: How do you feel about reality shows such as A&E's Intervention and Dr. Drew's Rehab?
Brad Lamm: I have different opinions. I actually kind of like Intervention—Dr. Drew's show, not as much. I am in recovery. I think the Dr. Drew show does a disservice to the process. All the hard work one does is different if cameras are there. I don't buy his argument that we are just helping people. I think he is just making a TV show. He is a really smart guy. He's a physician and addiction specialist. He has knowledge but I will tell you that I have never taken a client to the Pasadena Recovery Center. The show is not about what is best for the client.
WCT: Intervention has recovered addicts who step in.
Brad Lamm: It is still a TV show. I walk that line with Oprah and Dr. Oz. I have done stuff for both of them. That question, when cameras are present will it serve the process? I actually did a show for the Oprah show where it was not good to have the cameras there. We stopped shooting because it was not the best thing for him.
WCT: So you work with the new Dr. Oz show.
Brad Lamm: I am regular on there. He is a really nice guy. He's very gracious. He and his wife are very lovely.
WCT: It seems like a perfect time for the show to come out with the new year and people wanting to change.
Brad Lamm: The biggest debut ever. The biggest breakout hit in years since Dr. Phil 10 years ago.
WCT: Do you believe people really can change?
Brad Lamm: Absolutely. I did a change seminar at Center on Halsted back in May. There was someone there who came with his partner and was about as sick as anyone I had seen. He was like me—a crystal addict, sick, crazy, skinny and off the rails, full of denial. He is doing great now. We are so changeable and adaptable. If anything gay people know that more than other people that we are constantly adapting and blending. I think we are uniquely poised for addiction because of the way we have to blend and deal with family issues. We are totally able to recover.
WCT: Tell our readers about your four-step program.
Brad Lamm: The first is to create a circle of change. There is strength in numbers. A lot of times when a spouse, partner or loved one sees someone in pain they want to help them. You can more done together than apart. People will want to go it alone for all different reasons but I believe that they should get other people involved.
Number two is to deliver an invitation to change. I tell you in the book to set a date when you are going to have that family meeting and stick to it no matter what. Invite the family to the meeting and the intervention has begun.
I call the third step "Champion the Change." Change will look different to a crystal meth addict. If you look at it as a process then you champion the change come what may then you are much more prone to success.
The fourth is "Care for You," which is nurturing yourself to stay spiritually centered.
WCT: After the four steps then follow-up is important, right?
Brad Lamm: In my practice, I work with families for a minimum of six months. I use an online teaching tool so we get together every week. It's not a therapy session, it's just getting together to say let's work on this and be open to change. For the person who is newly recovered it is very helpful. It adds accountability and structure.
WCT: People can find more information online then?
Brad Lamm: At BradLamm.com I teach an online class that is free for three weeks. The next one starts [ in ] February. The last one I did I had 70 families online. It is a great resource for people that want to help someone they love. It's a loving and fun way to get inspired.
