I've been president of a gay social organization called Asians and Friends Chicago for 12 years. That's a lifetime in gay years. In gay Asian years, I'm a 100-year-old egg.
Some would say it's bad management—too much of the same year after year. Organizations need new blood. They need shaking up.
I would agree, but the pluses have outweighed the minuses and, frankly, I'm just hitting my stride.
My point has more to do with faith. Since day one, I've believed our group's root purpose is to create a safe, supportive environment for gay Asian men here in Chicago.
Have we always been successful? No. We've had a reputation of older, non-Asian men preying on younger Asians. What I can say is that we're evolving, becoming more diverse and creating a truly multigenerational, multicultural community.
Through it all, we've strived to be a place where gay Asian men can feel good about who we are—not just as gays, but as Asian men living in this country.
We want to feel attractive. Sexually alluring. Valued for what we look like.
Sure, it's a complex matter of external and internal booby traps, but for me, the first step is to build a gay Asian brotherhood. Why? Here are five reasons:
1. We're invisible in mainstream media. Yes, we have a reality star emerge on RuPaul or even on major network shows every now and then, but bread-and-butter images of beauty on TV, ads and online still do not include us.
2. We value Caucasian men over others, including ourselves—probably due to mainstream media. This is just a fact. To validate this, I'd ask any gay, Asian man to point out an attractive man the next time we're all in a gay bar. See what I mean?
3. We've forgotten why we're beautiful. We bought into the small-penis thing, devalued our facial features and discounted everything else that makes us precious human beings—our morals, our wit, our intelligence, our culture and our food.
4. We see each other as threats. Often in the race to snag a new lover, we see each other as competition.
5. We let language both bind and separate us. Often, gay Asians with common languages bond. That's natural. Unfortunately, it also puts us into cliques and isolates us, especially since it is very difficult to understand each other across multiple languages.
Now, I don't harbor any illusions that Asians & Friends is the answer. That said, I would argue that, left to our own devices, mainstream America and the gay mainstream would relegate us to the sidelines. We remain a minority. And if you think even with a Black president that race doesn't matter, think Ferguson, Missouri. Think about the wall Trump wants to build. Think about Muslims. Heck, given our proclivity to value white guys, we're already relegating ourselves to the sidelines without anyone else's help.
I've had some validation lately from Lisa Gilmore, project manager for a research program called Your Voice! Your Health! Her team is recruiting Asian Pacific Islanders to take part in a survey about the health services they receive. She said groups like ours are critical for people who may feel alienated from the mainstream. Even though same-sex marriage is the law of the land, she said 20 states are pushing measures to restrict that newly won right.
Groups like Asians & Friends can help people feel better about themselves, offer support and alleviate feelings of isolation and depression, she said. In addition to mental health, our demographic has any number of pressures ranging from language barriers to immigration issues and racial stereotyping to workplace harassment.
What she finds especially helpful for a group as established as ours ( we started in 1984 ) is its ability to offer support for immigrants just coming into the city as well as for individuals just coming out. Many of these people are actively seeking professional mentorship, connections and safe social environments.
Personally, I've gotten a lot out of being with a group that celebrates who I am. I'm doubly proud that this year, as our local chapter is hosting our larger parent organization's International Friendship Conference ( Sept. 2-5, www.ifcon2016.org ) here in Chicago.
So many internal and external forces keep us gay Asians separated. After seeing the brotherhood that grows from actively stepping outside my own island, I'm convinced that for the sake of our collective and personal wellness, we must actively develop a community of our own kind, inclusive of our own physical, cultural and sexual truths.
Asians & Friends Chicago API Month fundraiser will be held Sunday, May 22 at Sidetrack bar.
Angel Abcede is journalist, webisode producer and president of Asians & Friends Chicago. Visit www.afchicago.org or email Angel at gamtvusa.angel@gmail.com .
