from Studio 2000
Pubert recruits daredevil Colon Farehole out of the phone booth and into the porn booth to get help with his adult minority report. This S.W.A.T. team will stop bad movies in their tracks and promise a new world through their commentary. So grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Colin: More people should go camping with a cover like this!
Pubert: The guy licking his crotch is cute.
C: Smokey the Bear is hiding in those pants.
P: His head looks superimposed on his body.
Fast forwarding through the previews….
C: Stop fast forwarding! If it is a bad preview then it is usually a bad video.
We begin our trip with scenes from the great outdoors: a babbling brook, coyotes, and scenes of fires.
P: He's jacking off while the forest goes up in flames! Run Bambi run!!!
C: He's an aggressive masturbator. And he's got a big pee-pee.
P: Yeah, really concentrating to keep it hard.
C: Thumbs up on the first scene already!
P: He pushed his head down.
C: All the way to the balls, yeah!
P: His teeth are white.
C: Who says, 'Yeah, buddy.'?
P: They're a good team.
C: But the one guy hasn't done jack yet. I think he is a 'paid gay.'
P: What is that?
C: A straight guy paid to do this.
P: Listen to that creaking bed. The springs are from 1980.
C: Yeah, rented from a cheap motel. He is doing the 'backward cowgirl' position.
P: Is that what that is called? I am learning so much today!
C: Yep, keep hanging with the Farehole and get educated.
Second scene has two lovers riding a trolley to the top of the mountain.
C: They are cute guys.
P: Are they going to Witch Mountain?
C: How romantic.
A park Ranger stops some tourists on the side of the road in the third scene.
C: Bitter queen alert!
P: Someone is getting nasty.
C: Maybe from the Tina withdrawal.
P: The two tourists are girlie.
C: The rump ranger is getting a blowjob and boy, is he hung.
P: The other one is big and beefy but has a tiny hotdog.
C: And that's why he is a bottom.
Fourth scene contains log cabin espionage with two new rangers.
C: The one ranger looks like a boy scout.
P: The African-American has a tootsie roll for him.
C: Eat your heart out, Michael Richards!
P: He just carried him out on the balcony like a newlywed!
C: I bet most brides don't get their asses eaten after getting carried over the threshold!
Our last scene has some hicks tying up one of our past Park Rangers.
P: Is that Dukes of Hazzard music? Listen to that banjo!
C: The Raffertys must be the bad kids.
P: Bunch of hicks. Now they are getting revenge on the wood police.
C: Luckily he is rescued and taken back to a cabin in the woods.
P: This Ranger has a hot tub. The job must pay well.
C: Nothing says butch like a fine red wine.
P: They are living it up! It ends with a kiss.
C: Great opening but disappointing ending.
P: First scene makes it worth buying or renting.
Pubert: Thumbs up the butt.
Colin: Thumbs up the butt.
To take a trip to the Wildlands go to www.studio2000video.com .
To read past articles From the Booth go to www.windycitymediagroup.com
And type in 'Pubert.'