Wrong Side of the Tracks
by Channel 1 Releasing
'Porn experts' Pubert and Dicksel promise to be punctual, picky and probing with all their reviews. Thumbs up the butt ( good review ) or thumbs down the throat ( bad review ) . Grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: Nice slim case—looks like a mainstream movie. This one is winning awards already.
Dicksel: I like the guy on the inside cover.
Our tale of bad boyz begins with Johnny Hazzard walking out of the trailer park, down the train tracks and into a factory where he meets Shane Rollins.
P: I remember when Shane used to strip at Madrigal's all the time here in Chicago. Those were the days, Archie... .
D: The set looks like a Hazzard— someone is going to get lockjaw. Look at his ripped wife-beater shirt.
P: Aww, he just gave him his jacket after they had sex.
D: Isn't that sweet? Does that mean they are going out now?
P: Well, someone is 'getting pinned,' as they used to say.
After leaving the warehouse, Johnny heads back to his trailer to tussle with his stepdaddy. 'You promised your momma that you gonna take care of me.'
P: This should fulfill some people's fantasies.
D: Daddy's drunk in the trailer! Psycho trailer trash.
Then our hero takes a run for the border and escapes Daddy to go back to his home-away-from-trailer-home, the factory. There some locals terrorize a young buck with their penises. ' I'll do anything,' he lisps.
D: These sissies don't sound tough. Is this the factory where they make GAP clothes?
P: Yeah, the thugs are dressed too nice, like they walked out of a catalogue.
D: They don't fit the scene, but they are cute.
Johnny hits the road and gets a lift from a hot trucker named Tyler Riggz. In the back of the van they decide to bed down for the night.
D: When a guy picks you up with a dirty ass mattress in the back of his van, you just know you are going to get fucked!
P: Tyler has a hot body, but it could go fat in a second. He'd better keep working out.
D: He has a Superman tattoo—up, up and away!
P & D: Damn, he has a big penis!
P: That penis is from Krypton. Lois Lane is riding Superman with his boots on.
D: He's not going to be able to sit down for a week. Hey, that tattoo is new since the last video we saw Johnny in.
The next morning Johnny gets dropped off at the Best Value Inn. In the room next door two ugly men are doing drugs that lead to sex.
P: Just say no! This movie just went off the tracks.
D: Two coked-up hillbillies—this is gross.
P: This scene is a turn-off after that last one.
D: This movie has an ending that you wouldn't expect.
P: I can hardly wait for part two.
D: Good production, a big improvement.
P: I would have cut the hillbillies-from-hell scene. With a running time of almost three hours, we did not need that one. This is the King Dong of porn—runs too long and needs an editor.
D: Big thumbs up besides that.
P: Thumbs up the butt.
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