MACOMB—Doug Ogilvie knew his boyfriend Eric Fashimpaur planned to propose. Fashimpaur let him see the engagement ring to ensure he liked it. He learned Ogilvie's ring size to know it would fit.
But when would it happen.
Valentine's Day 2014 didn't seem to be the day since Fashimpaur said he had to work, so Ogilvie went to breakfast at the Macomb Family Diner with two of his teammates on the Western Illinois University ( WIU ) swimming and diving team.
During their meal, the diner's swinging glass door opened, and the six-foot-two hulking Fashimpaur shuffled in and joined them at their table.
"The whole time, I was just nervous," said Fashimpaur, now 25.
After they ate breakfast, he handed Ogilvie a handmade Valentine's Day card with cutouts of clouds, planes and hearts connected by a string. The card read, "I love you. Will you marry me?"
As Ogilvie read the card, Fashimpaur got on one knee. Ogilvie pulled the ring out of the envelope, and the soft-spoken Fashimpaur repeated the final four words on the card. Ogilvie said, "Yes," as he put the ring—made of tungsten with a shiny blue and black band down the middle—on his left ring finger.
"It was just a happy day," Ogilvie said.
Ogilvie, a 21-year-old Oswego native and WIU senior, will finish his diving career this season. As his athletics career concludes, he sees an enjoyable future. He plans to finish his bachelor's degree in art during December, and he knows the man that will be by his side for the next stage of his life.
"It's really comforting knowing that there is going to be someone there for you," Ogilvie said.
Some kind of wonderful
Ogilvie started diving at 9 and won his first competition. Ogilvie described himself to Windy City Times as a "weird kid," but his identity as an athlete made him feel cool. In 2011 as an Oswego High School senior, his years of work earned sixth place at the Illinois High School Association state meet.
He loved competing and decided to dive in college, and when he visited Western Illinois, Ogilvie said it "felt familiar."
The 5-foot-10, 145-pound diver expected camaraderie at WIU, but the openly gay freshman didn't connect with the men's swimming and diving team.
"We had some seniors that were not very accepting," said Ogilvie, who had been openly gay since his freshman year of high school.
Ogilvie remembered that none of his teammates lifted weights with him the first year, and he felt hurt when they picked him last for a dodgeball game. Julia Rasmussen, a current fifth-year senior on the team, said she frequently heard men's swimmers call Ogilvie "gay boy" and "fruity" that first year.
"In the beginning, I think it was real rough for him," Rasmussen said.
According to Rasmussen and current senior Jake Shain, Ogilvie contributed to the awkwardness by flirting.
"I personally didn't get any of that, but my roommate freshman year, he would get hit on by Doug," Shain said. "That happened several other times with other guys."
Ogilvie admitted there was one teammate he intentionally flirted with that first year.
Rasmussen ascribed the disparity to some men's swimmers never having a gay teammate before and assuming Ogilvie felt attracted to them, which made their interactions uncomfortable.
Ogilvie said he feels no regret about his behavior freshman year, and after a few months, his initial overtures were an afterthought.
"I haven't heard anything since freshman year," Shain said of Ogilvie hitting on teammates.
Ogilvie also started spending more time with the women's team and found them more welcoming. He helped his cause by having success, too.
His diving peaked in February 2012 at the Summit League Championships. Ogilvie won the one- and three-meter springboard titles and received the Summit League Diver of the Championships award. After the NCAA postseason, the Summit League coaches voted Ogilvie the 2011-12 conference diver of the year.
As a sophomore, Ogilvie dove well but couldn't defend his conference titles. He did defend his Summit League Diver of the Year honor for a consistently strong 2012-13 season.
"He is a really good diver, and I just really wish his ankle and knee and whatever else would just take a timeout for a little bit so he could get back into the diving shape that he needs to be in and do it again like his freshman year," Rasmussen said.
Loverboy
Ogilvie knew Fashimpaur less than a month when Fashimpaur handed him a drawing. Fashimpaur drew two men hugging—one with blonde hair to match Ogilvie's coif and the other with brown hair resembling Fashimpaur.
As Fashimpaur gave him the drawing, he said, "I love you," to Ogilvie for the first time.
"I immediately followed," Ogilvie said.
The pair met on the gay male dating app Scruff. For their first date on May 13, 2013, Ogilvie went to Fashimpaur's parents' house in Plainfield, and they watched the 1987 version of "Dirty Dancing" on a couch in the basement.
"We fell pretty hard, pretty fast," Ogilvie said.
They made their relationship Facebook official June 9.
Once Ogilvie returned to school, Fashimpaur made frequent visits to Macomb while working on his own information technology degree at College of DuPage.
"They complement each other well," said Rasmussen, now one of Ogilvie's roommates. "Eric is very shy, inverted and quiet where Doug is your perfect definition of a social butterfly."
Before he met Fashimpaur, Ogilvie's longest male relationship lasted six months and that was during eighth grade.
"This relationship has definitely been my life-changer," Ogilvie said.
Time of his life
The Illinois House approved marriage equality Nov. 5, 2013.
On Nov. 6, Ogilvie learned the cause of right ankle pain he'd felt since early in the 2013-14 season. It came from a bone chip, and he needed surgery.
Days later, Ogilvie lay next to Fashimpaur in bed and first broached the topic of marriage. They agreed marriage was something they both wanted.
Ogilvie found his body beginning to fall apart at the same time his love life began growing into something permanent.
"It was pretty serious even before my ankle started hurting," Ogilvie said, "but it was definitely a big help having him always there when the injuries started getting bad."
As Fashimpaur plotted his proposal and received permission from their parents, Ogilvie continued diving, but the ankle pain increased.
The 2014 Summit League meet arrived a week after Ogilvie accepted Fashimpaur's marriage proposal. At the meet, Ogilvie's pain felt too intense to do warm-up dives, so he just took an ibuprofen and competed. He placed third and fifth on 1-meter and 3-meter springboard, respectively.
With ankle surgery March 7, the conference meet ended Ogilvie's junior season. But before his surgery, Ogilvie and Fashimpaur agreed to get matching tattoos of two overlapping infinity signs. Ogilvie's tattoo went on his left wrist, and Fashimpaur got his on his right wrist; that causes the tattoos to touch when they hold hands.
"He's the love of my life, and I'll be with him until the day I die," Fashimpaur said.
With the one-year anniversary of their engagement days away, Ogilvie's diving career is on its last leg. The surgery recovery persists. He didn't participate at WIU's Senior Day because of ankle pain, and when he has competed the first four months of this season, Ogilvie competed in only one springboard event.
But diving is no longer the most important part of Ogilvie's life. He said it's Fashimpaur.
Ogilvie said he wants another conference title before he stops diving, but after being most known as a diver for the last dozen years of his life, he anticipates carrying the title of Fashimpaur's husband.
"I started thinking about my life after college more so when I met Eric. I can see myself with him," Ogilvie said, then he paused and smiled as Fashimpaur put his head on Ogilvie's left shoulder. "Before that … I never really thought much of the future."
Now, he's planning a wedding for April 2016.
