The air hostess with the mostest—Pam Ann—is flying into Chicago, and hilarity is expected with a title like "Cockpit!"
For those readers who aren't hip to Ann's comedy, she is the alter ego of Melbourne native Caroline Reid.
Born from the travel industry with a pinch of Austin Powers, a smidge of Dame Edna, and a dash of Kathy Griffin, this comedienne mixes a recipe for entertaining audiences over the years. Madonna herself described her as "cruelly funny" and Elton John hired her for his own private jet. She toured with Cher and performed on the first ever JetPride flight on JetBlue.
Let's get to know the funny lady from down under with a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants interview.
Windy City Times: So tell our readers about the new show, "Cockpit."
Pam Ann: It is really based on a lot of things that are on the news and have happened in the airline industry. I found the information from sources, the airlines and crew.
There is so much merging of airlines to the point that we will be one big airline one day. It will be called Merge!
This show will be topical to what is happening in the airline industry. I've packed up the trolley. There is dry ice and a champagne service. There is an opportunity for Pam Ann to talk to her first class cabin. There are new videos. I have spoofed the Pan Am ABC series where I put Pam Ann in their shoes. I think if they had made the Pan Am show with Pam Ann it would have been a hit.
WCT: It is a shame that it went off the air.
Pam Ann: It is a shame. So there is a spoof on that. I am shooting a new safety video on Saturday but I am not sure if I will put it in this show or not. I'm constantly organically growing it. There's a movie channel where I have Pam in all these different movies. We recap the show with a montage of what I have been talking about throughout the show at the end through news clips. I think half the time people think what I am saying is a joke and it is not real but then I surprise them at the end that it is real. That inspired this show.
WCT: You have interacted with the crowd before in past shows. Are you coming out into the audience to talk to them?
Pam Ann: Anything can happen at my shows.
One time a guy actually put himself into a plastic bag to cleanse himself when flying over cemeteries. So I might put someone in a plastic bag. You will see what I am talking about at the show.
I will talk to the audience from the trolley and get to know people and what they do. I want to ask them what airlines are in and things like that. I won't actually get people onto the stage this time so they can rest easy but they will be verbally abused.
WCT: I will warn them. Will you be flying first-class to the show?
Pam Ann: I think I will be flying JetBlue, which is just one class.
WCT: I: like that airline.
Pam Ann: I like it, too. I think it is my favorite airline domestically through the States because you can watch TV. It keeps you occupied. I love watching TV live and there are priority seats for an extra price. People will pay more for 1A. It's like the same seat, bitch, but you have extra legroom!
WCT: Will we ever get Wi-Fi on airplanes?
Pam Ann: There is already. I think Virgin and American have Wi-Fi. You can actually get online and get on Facebook, all of that stuff.
WCT: People can't live without Facebook.
Pam Ann: It passes the time though, right? You get sick of watching movies. Everyone has attention deficit disorder. No one can focus.
WCT: After flying on airberlin in business class, I am spoiled with flying.
Pam Ann: I heard the new chairs are hardcore.
WCT: It has a massage feature built into it.
Pam Ann: I need a German man to do that.
WCT: I heard you love Germans.
Pam Ann: I love them. They can speak to me in German any day. It sounds like porn to me!
WCT: We flew back on American and it was nice, too.
Pam Ann: Sounds like you didn't want to get off. When I flew to Australia I could have stayed on the plane for days and just drink wine.
WCT: I like the uniforms on airberlin.
Pam Ann: They have those leather gloves. They make that sound when they hit you in the face don't they? "Sit down!"
WCT: Speaking of clothing, talk about your new costumes.
Pam Ann: Garo Sparo, who does Amanda Lepore's costumes, is based in New York and I have been working with him for a while. We have created some great stuff. There are so many costumes I don't know which ones to wear in the show.
Inspired by Pierre Cardin I have this sort of space-looking PVC and visor outfit, which is Pam-galactic.
I have this Pucci fabric that we have made into a gown for this show. I have really over-the-top big hair.
WCT: You have a travel app, too?
Pam Ann: I do, but it is a bit outdated to be honest with you. I did it a couple of years ago. It is about good places to go when you are visiting Sydney, New York, and London. We are doing a Pam Ann app that will be more current. It is hard to keep up with the apps. I put a place on there and then these venues close down.
WCT: You should start a Chicago section. Where did your gay following come from?
Pam Ann: I think they just see my ad on Grindr and think they can get some cock. They know it is going to be a hot audience.
I have always been in the gay world myself. I grew up with gays and drag queens. They have been the people that I have always hung out with. It was a natural fit. I did all the gay bars in my early career in London. I did every fuck club and was usually the only girl there.
WCT: When did Madonna come to see your show?
Pam Ann: That was in London. I don't know when or what show. I love the quote [that Pam Ann is "cruelly funny"] because it is so true. People ask if I am offended by it but it's true, I am. Pam Ann is a cruel bitch—get used to it!
WCT: It would intimidating if you knew Madonna was in the audience.
Pam Ann: Hell, yeah.
WCT: You opened for Cher for a while, I read.
Pam Ann: I did for the UK part of the tour back in 2004. Every night was like a dream. I was always wondering if she was coming to hang out after the show. Ever seen the movie Waiting for Guffman? This was waiting for Cher.
WCT: You are working on a movie?
Pam Ann: I am writing a screenplay. It is going to take a little while to make it because I want to produce it and do the whole thing. It will take some time so like a couple of years. I know some of the locations and the gist of it. It is Ab Fab-meets-Austin Powers-slash-The Hangover. It is a big airline disaster movie thrown in there, too. It's filthy as fuck. I don't think it will even get past any censors. It might have to come out as an adult video!
WCT: Maybe you can work on it after the tour.
Pam Ann: Yes. My trainer just presented a sitcom to me out of the blue just the other day, too. Only in New York is a trainer also a screenwriter. It is brilliant. He named me Pam Ann Muscovich, all of sudden I am Russian and Jewish. He put Caroline's life, my life, into this which is genius.
WCT: You can get ideas while you are getting in shape.
Pam Ann: I am. I tell him all about my life. I think he wants to fuck me.
WCT: Good luck ending it with a trainer. When I cut off mine it was rough.
Pam Ann: I can't even think about that. I have to finish the sitcom before we break up.
WCT: An Australian living in New York would be enough of a sitcom.
Pam Ann: Just like Crocodile Dundee. I would keep saying, "That is not a knife. This is a knife!"
WCT: Do people recognize you when you are out on the street?
Pam Ann: Not in New York. They couldn't give a fuck.
WCT: They are in their own world there, from what I have experienced.
Pam Ann: So true. There is so much eye candy and everyone is on Grindr. They don't look at you—they are looking at their phones.
WCT: Why isn't there a straight version of Grindr?
Pam Ann: They have one and it is called Blendr but it didn't work. I would fuck someone five minutes away but women are, unfortunately, such prudes.
WCT: They don't hook up, like some gay people.
Pam Ann: Gays have taught me everything I know. I am on Grindr myself.
WCT: I am going to look for you on Grindr when you are in town!
Pam Ann: I am called Captain Rim. I am Middle Eastern and "I like flying." I haven't been on for a while. I need to go check my profile out. I took a picture like an Islamic extremist, put a turban on and it got accepted. People are so turned on by it.
WCT: It must be nice to get out of New York and visit Chicago.
Pam Ann: I love Chicago. Last time I was there, it was fantastic. This visit will be at the same time as Mr. International Leather. You know me—I love my leather queens!
WCT: We should take a stroll around the leather market when you get here.
Pam Ann: They are so fucking hot with those leather harnesses on. If I were a gay, I would be a big bear and eat everything! I got propositioned once by two bears on a sea cruise to go with them to their cabin. I was like a baby seal to them.
WCT: You didn't go through with it?
Pam Ann: I couldn't wake up with a rainbow flag in my face and DJ music playing. That would be horrifying.
WCT: We have to hit the town after your show.
Pam Ann: Let's go have a COCKtail!
Fly over to the Harris Theater, 205 E. Randolph St., on May 25 at 8:00 p.m. Visit www.harristheaterchicago.org/performers/pam-ann for tickets and more information.
