If you haven't seen openly gay comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer for a while, you might not recognize her. That long, curly blonde mane of hers has been cut off. She's wearing her hair short now, having gotten it cut for a role she played in her movie debut. I think it worked to my advantage, while I interviewed her over lunch at Cafe Blasé in Provincetown, that the combination of the short hair, the sunglasses and the hour ( noon...no self-respecting homosexual would ever be awake before noon in P-town ) prevented Suzanne from being hounded by autograph seekers. Suffice to say that she's funnier than ever, in her act and as an interview subject. If you see her show, and she does her new material about the dogs, you may find it hard to remain continent.
Gregg Shapiro: You point out that, although, it was almost a full house, there were no people sitting in the first row during your show at the Post Office ( in Provincetown ) the other night. Are they afraid of you?
Suzanne Westenhoefer: Yes. And there have been a couple of incidents. My lawyers asked me not to get into them right now. Suffice to say that no one was killed. If everything goes well, I probably won't have to serve any jail time.
GS: Is August your month in Provincetown?
SW: It has been for the last 10 seasons, and I've only been doing comedy for 11 years.
GS: The weather has been strange.
SW: Heinous. ( In a Southern accent ) "Can you spell 'heinous'?" The first 10 or 12 days of August were so hot and humid. You couldn't believe you were on the Cape or in New England. It was like 90 degrees with 100 percent humidity. That doesn't happen. They broke all of these records in Boston and on the Cape. People don't have air conditioning here. They were just walking around going, "KILL ME! AAAAAHHHHH!" Then, the moment it broke it began to rain and it didn't stop raining for absolutely ever. It was also still humid, so you couldn't ever get dry. Last year was really bad weather ( too ) . They say it's global warming. Except, I guess George Bush says we're not having that. He would know, wouldn't he? Didn't he graduate with a C?
GS: Yeah. See this?
SW: See my Dad's money?
GS: In your act, you talked about people coming to P-town to be themselves, to be queer.
SW: To be ( in a Southern accent ) "homosexuals."
GS: Had you come to P-town, before you were out, to be yourself?
SW: One time, my ex-girlfriend ... I only have the one ( ex ) . It's really boring. There was Katie for 10 years. Now, Annie and I have been together for nine. Whoa, stop me! Katie and I came here for our fourth or fifth anniversary...it was 1985 or something...and we came off season, at the end of September. It rained the whole time. It was very cold. We just stayed in our little guest house. I didn't see anything or know anything. The first time I was up here in any real capacity, I came up for what was called Women's Weekend. Now, it's Women's Week. Soon it will be Women's Month. Then it'll be Women's Hour, because we ( women ) always take steps backward. "It's Women's Afternoon, here in Provincetown." ...
I had been doing comedy for a little over a year and I came up here for with two other women and we did four nights for Women's Weekend in 1991. It was a big success. We had four shows...Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday...and they had all sold out before we even got up here. They added shows without asking us...which was fine, but then we were doing two shows a night. Before Friday afternoon, we had also sold out a third show on Saturday. We were just baby comics, three of us from New York going, ( screams with glee ) "We're going to be famous, oh my God." We were so excited. We each did our own 20-minute set. The other two comics weren't out, so they weren't asked back.
GS: Was their material more straight?
SW: Yes. They were adorable and funny. But, if you think back 10 years, it was so different. I remember when I first started in 1990 or '91, if you said you were a gay comic, I couldn't even talk about my dogs unless they were my fag dogs.
Because there were so few of us. We had such a small voice. I'd be up, doing my set, talking about my lover and lesbians and gays. Then I'd tell a joke about my mom or my sister and you'd hear this rumbling, "We don't want to hear that. We can hear that from anybody. Be queer." I didn't mind.
It's just really interesting how that shift occurred. Now, in front of straight or gay audiences or mixed audiences, I can be really gay or not so gay. I can get off on a tangent on something not gay or about something so specific ( to the community ) . I've been in the Improv in Washington, D.C., mixed audience... boys, girls, gay, straight, old young...I'm doing 20 minutes on the fucking Michigan Women's Music Festival and they get it.
GS: It's become part of the vernacular.
SW: Yeah. They're like, "Oh, those lesbian folk festivals. We've heard about that."
GS: Doesn't it feel weird to you? Like you want it back?
SW: Yes, yes. That's not a fair thing, because I know this is all we've ever worked for. But there are two things that are very strange. All we've worked for...because I've been activist my whole life...is not acceptance, because I don't give a fuck if they ever accept me...but the same rights. All of a sudden they are sort of giving it to us. They are sort of letting us in. Now, I'm kind of like, "I don't think I like that. I don't like the fact that they know about Cris Williamson. I'm not sure that I'm happy that they come up here and see Jimmy James." Why is that?
GS: Pretty soon, they'll know our secret handshake.
SW: I know! How did that happen? The other thing is the young kids. I ask gay people over 30, Do you find that you're resentful of these 14 year olds who are saying, "I've been out since I was 10. I took my lover to my seventh grade dance."
GS: What about their straight friends who think it's the coolest thing?
SW: They don't give a shit ( about who is gay or who isn't ) . ... I'm not saying that we're done, even remotely, but the changes have been so dramatic and quick. If you talk to women or Blacks or Jews or Latinos, and you talk about change, it's been this excruciatingly long process of steps forward and back. The gay community was like that forever, then the 1990s hit and we had a renaissance. Almost too much acceptance too fast. Some of us are going, "Hey, just a minute!" I wanted to be an outcast. Look at me, I'm blonde and white and I have blue eyes. This was the closest thing to hip that I had. Being queer was the only thing that set me apart from every fucking cheerleader on the goddamn planet ( laughs ) . Now, they're like "Oh, another lesbian comic. How incredibly adorable."
GS: Now all you have to do is release an album of jazz standards or do a Broadway appearance.
SW: Let me just say this. I don't sing. I don't do magic. I don't have props. I don't have dancing girls. Suzanne is a standup comedian, and when I'm doing standup comedy, that means for an hour, hour and a half, whatever, I'm going to make you laugh. There's not going to be any entertainment!
GS: But you're about to become a movie star.
SW: That's a totally different thing. Then I'm not a standup. That would be acting. When I'm acting, I'm acting. But I am not going to sing! It's really interesting, and I can tell you this, because I've been drunk with enough standup comics. I would say that 98 percent of standup comics want to be rock stars or singers. We have incredible envy for what they can do to an audience. I don't care what comic you name, it can be the biggest comic you ever heard of in your life, no comic can fill Yankee Stadium and have people weeping and standing on their feet and waving their hands.
GS: But how many rock stars can make people laugh?
SW: None! Although I've laughed at Keith Richards, but I don't think he meant it. I've laughed at a lot of rock stars. I laugh at Eminem. He's such a stupid, little punk. Here's my favorite thing of all...when they go, "Isn't he edgy? Isn't he creative?" Here's the deal, he's making fun of and attacking queers and women. "Oh, my God, you're right. No one's ever done that. Except every 12-year-old on the playground since the beginning of time." He's a fucking needle-dick punk. It's so boring. You know why he's huge? It's because he's white. He's white and he's saying this...there's a whole sort of, "Oh, man! What's he doing?"
GS: Because you're not used to hearing suburban kids doing this.
SW: Right. It's boring. He's a punk.
GS: You also talked about the influx of straight people in Provincetown...
SW: This is going to sound really weird, but there has always been an extremely huge population of straight people who came to Provincetown. There's a difference suddenly. It's a different kind of straight people. There used to be the straight people that acquiesced this town to us, and they understood. They came in and they bought art and went to shows and they sat down at Front Street and bought $60 bottles of wine and ate dinner and came into town to do Provincetown. My take on it, in the last two or three seasons, ( is that ) there's more day-trippers: "Let's drive up to P-town, get a hot dog, get a t-shirt, take a picture of a fag and go home." They don't put their money here. They're not supporting the arts. P-town is all about art...all of the galleries. They're not buying art or going to shows or dining at Front Street or Gallerani's or any of the beautiful, expensive sit-down restaurants that Provincetown is known for. This particular town is not really a resort town. It was built on arts and theater, and the beautiful restaurants and antiquing that came to support that.
And also, I don't know why you would drag your ass all the way out here for that. This is a hard trip. It's not easy to get here. It seems like it's a lot of work to get here to buy a t-shirt that says "Provincetown." I've lived close enough to Wildwood, NJ, and Rehoboth Beach, Dela., and Ocean City, Md., to see them go through all sorts of good and bad changes. But there were a billion people within an hour drive of those places. Provincetown is difficult. Did you know that it was a three-day trip, by train, from New York, to get to Provincetown during the time of Eugene O'Neill? The first people who lived here were pirates and criminals and drug addicts and prostitutes. They settled this town ( laughs ) . It's brilliant. I love the history of this town.
GS: We have to talk about your new look.
SW: You know I got the hair cut off.
GS: When was the last time you got it cut short?
SW: I had short, short, short ( hair ) with the duck tail and the tiny feathered part in the center until the time I was about 19 or 20. At the time I was in college and wicked poor. I couldn't get it cut. I didn't get my hair cut forever, and then some gay guy permed it for me, for a play I think, and that was free. That was great, because for two more years I didn't have to get it cut ( laughs ) . Then all of a sudden, long hair became who I was, even though I never had long hair as a child. Maybe to my neck or shoulders once.
It became a very big deal to me to have that big Jersey girl because I was living in Jersey. People were so cute, too, because they thought it was naturally curly. I got a perm every two years and they would stay forever. Everybody would say, "How come your hair is so straight, now that it's short? Are you taking a brush and blowing it out?" And I'm like, "No, my hair is straight, you freaking moron."
GS: What can you tell me about your movie?
SW: It's an independent film. It's called A Family Affair. I really hope it gets picked up and shown around, because, and I hate to use this word because it sounds condescending, but it's sweet. It's good. It's not dangerous and negative and dark. It's just lesbians falling in love.
GS: Has it played film festivals?
SW: It just started to, as a matter of fact.
GS: Who else is in the movie?
SW: The woman who wrote it ( Helen Lesnick ) is the star. Erica Schaffer is her girlfriend. Michelle Green who was the lesbian kiss on L.A. Law, she's the other girlfriend. A brilliant character actress named Arlene Golonka...
GS: From Mayberry RFD.
SW: ( Screams ) I know! Barbara Stewart who played Miss Bunny on Gomer Pyle. I'm mad for both Arlene and Barbara. It's a very sweet and fun movie.
GS: What can your devoted fans expect from your Chicago appearance?
SW: More of the same goddamned, fucking bullshit. Ha ha ha. Yuk yuk yuk comedy. I'm like Shecky Greene out there. Me. They can expect me doing me stuff out there, because my act is, pretty much, about me.
Marga Gomez, Suzanne Westenhoefer, and Jessica Halem in It's A She Thing Sat., Sept. 15, at the Harold Washington Library Auditorium, 400 S. State Street. Call ( 773 ) 233-1207 or ( 773 ) 779-2399.
by Gregg Shapiro
Marga Gomez, star of stage and screen, is bi. Bi-coastal, that is. Back on the East Coast ( New York ) after living on the West Coast ( San Francisco ) for more than a dozen years, Gomez will be going West again, shortly, to perform her new solo theater piece The Twelve Days Of Cochina. Lucky for us on the Third Coast, Gomez will be stopping by to perform her brilliant blend of comedy and solo performance on Sept. 15 as part of It's A She Thing at the Harold Washington Auditorium. Funny and forthcoming, this is only a small sample of the humorous things on her mind.
Gregg Shapiro: Your website is called Fall Into My Gap.
Marga Gomez: Oh, my God! Gregg, I love you. Nobody ever asks me about the website. It's something that I've wanted to do for years. Not that I really know anything about computers or the Internet. The only thing I ever know is where to take mine to be fixed. I was going out with a girl who was a web-designer and she would continue to bore me with details while I waited to see if she would have sex with me. It would be like, "Blah blah blah DSL blah blah blah server blah blah blah I'm gonna give you head blah blah blah." I didn't really understand why a person needed a website. Finally, I just did it to fit in, because eventually people will kill you if you don't have one. I have this great guy...a queer Puerto Rican guy ...who designed it for me. I looked at other people's websites, especially people who were comics, and they were so serious. So I thought, even though I don't know shit about computers, I do know that a comedian's website should be kind of charming. That's what I went for. I got all excited about it, and then I forgot about it, so as you can see, it needs some updating. I have all sorts of plans for it. I want to make little movies ( with my video camera ) and put them on there, and I want to have audience participation and give out prizes. Hopefully, in the next couple of months I'll be getting into that. Then I'll be one of those people who bores ( laughs ) other people at people at parties with Blah blah blah.
GS: Is that a new short haircut in the picture of you on the website?
MG: Yeah. I cut my hair that short about a year ago. In fact, from that time, I'm starting to grow it now, a little bit longer, into a mullet. You know, lesbian haircut #4. We started that. If it wasn't for us, what would people in trailer parks do with their hair? You can't really tell, it looks more like a shag, but I'm really trying to be committed to this mullet thing.
I think that with a postmodern attitude, I can really pull it off and set us back a few more years.
GS: You lived in San Francisco for a long time and now you have relocated to New York. Why did you move?
MG: You know it would have been a lot easier for me to stay in New York and have cheaper rent. I decided to go away for 15 years and come back when the rent was totally out of my budget.
GS: Are you glad to be back in New York?
MG: I am. But, it's so gentrified. I don't know if it's the same way in Chicago.
GS: Yes, absolutely.
MG: It seems like any kind of American city with access to arts and entertainment gets taken over by the little rich brats. That's what New York is to me. I live in a neighborhood called Williamsburg, which, I think, has the highest concentration of twenty-somethings in the country. I didn't know that, because I'm not twenty-something. They're twenty-something. I know who Johnny Carson was. I think I've got to move to a neighborhood where I'm the hippest one ( laughs ) and the youngest. So, I'm looking to the 'burbs. But I guess I'll stay here. I like dating them ( the twenty-somethings ) . Their bodies are ... very ... firm.
GS: They're supple.
MG: Yes.
GS: I noticed on your website that it says that you're a Gemini. I am also a Gemini. What do you think is the best part about being a Gemini?
MG: Well, of course, two-for-one. If you like quantity ( laughs ) , you get two people ...one of whom is nice. I don't really know about astrology. I don't start the conversations at parties. I'd much rather talk about the DSL blah blah blah Java script. But, I will defend my astrological sign to the death. I do think, for some reason, that people who are born in our time frame in the year are really charming and fun. I will hang out with a Gemini any day or night.
GS: Being queer and of Cuban descent is becoming very hip these days...lesbian writer Achy Obejas's new novel has just been published and the late Reinaldo Arenas is experiencing a revival following the release of the critically acclaimed movie Before Night Falls. How does it feel to be in such hip company?
MG: I think I'm very proud of being a queer Latina and of being a queer of color, in general. I think that we've always been trying to be represented in the gay movement, when it was the gay movement. Now it's "queer," because it rhymes with "beer." We're sort of a culture within a subculture. I love to play Chicago because of the diversity in the community. The folks who put on It's A She Thing are very much into inclusivity, and they bring out people of color, too. I'm excited about that. I think that it's everybody in our community, not just Will & Grace types ( laughs ) . I'm proud to be Latino. We have a Latin explosion, that's not exactly queer. I am also half Puerto Rican, so Ricky Martin is also a gay role model, even though he hasn't come out yet. It's just a matter of time. Somebody will ask him the right question. "Ricky, what kind of women do you prefer? Blonde or brunette?" He'll say, "It doesn't matter, as long as she has a big penis." I feel good about being Latino. I'm kind of assimilated though, I have to admit. I don't speak Spanish. I was raised by a pack of wild Irish nuns.
GS: Oh yes, Catholic school.
MG: Yeah. So, I'm definitely my own particular subculture.
GS: You were in the movie Desi's Looking For A New Girl last year. Do you have any other film roles?
MG: I'm in a documentary called Des Colores, about HIV and homophobia in the Latino community. It's playing at gay and lesbian film festivals all over the country. I'm going to be on PBS, on the show called In The Life at the end of October...for the season premiere. ... You know Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes? Picture Andy Rooney as a Latina lesbian. It's frightening, isn't it? ( laughs )
GS: No, it sounds brilliant.
MG: I'm going to be doing commentary. Mine is going to be on National Holidays and the fact that we can't have any more boring National Holiday and that the gay community should be in charge of proclaiming the next holiday. We'll be able to pick from a vast array of events that we already celebrate...like National Coming Out Day. I have other ones that I'm proposing...Oscar Wilde's Birthday, Take Your Ex-Lover To Work Day, Past History Month, Gender Reassignment Day.
GS: It sounds wonderful. You've also had quite a bit of your writing published. Are there any plans for a full-length book?
MG: I'm kind of a slacker. I really am changing my ways. I've actually been in therapy for the first time in my life. It's been very practical. I'm not even crying in therapy...I'm just trying to figure out how to get my to-do list finished. That will be something I'm going to pursue. If I can get my website up, than I can do anything. A couple of people in publishing have talked to me. When I write my theater pieces, they're very much in my head. I write them down, but what's on paper isn't really what I perform exactly. I guess that being a Gemini...we have so many things to do. We've got to sit down and cross the Ts and dot the Is and punctuate and spell-check everything...we could be dancing! Now that nobody will sleep with me, I have the time ( laughs ) to sit down, pour over my work and make it how I say it on-stage. I have four pieces that have already been produced around the country. Today, in fact, I'm going to send a draft of a new piece where I'll be doing two new one-act pieces in September.
GS: Does that include The Twelve Days Of Cochina?
MG: Yes. The Twelve Days Of Cochina and Higher Highs And Lower Lows. Cochina is the Christmas piece. Higher Highs And Lower Lows is about this sociopathic 24-year-old, manic-manic... she wasn't manic-depressive, but she was on some kind of medication like all my dates...married mother that I dated during Pride month ( laughs ) .
GS: The whole month of June?
MG: I gave her the best month of my year. It's a show about her. The Twelve Days Of Cochina is going to be opening for six weeks in San Francisco ( later in the year ) ...seven or eight shows a week. We have to make it super-fancy and I'll have a director and we're going to jazz it up with lights and effects and all that.
GS: Do you ever incorporate pieces, for instance, from the two new solo pieces that you mentioned, into your standup act? Or do you make sure to keep them separate?
MG: To be honest, every now and then, there are some gags from my standup act that go into a show. My shows are always a combination of performance and standup. Except for two of my shows, which are dramatic pieces about my parents, everything else is a little bit of a hybrid.
