April showers bring May flowers! As corny as that sounds, it's also the beginning of relationship season, which is the time of year when so many of us resurface after the cold and lonely winter.
But so many of us are so unprepared when it comes to dating. Have you ever gone to a party or attended a social event, looked around the room and noticed that they are all the same people you usually see and they are all still single? Has it ever crossed your mind that a relationship might be just what you need to help you grow in life?
Yeah, I know, your career, your commitment to church and education have all taken a front seat, but a good, healthy, loving relationship is what will truly make a difference in your life. Most of us end up sabotaging ourselves because we are quick to say, 'You are not my type!' My question to you is how old are you and how long have you been single? For some of us this number is large on both sides and for others it can be a matter of just a few single digits.
The problem with getting older and not being in relationships is that we tend to lose focus on the bigger picture. A relationship provides a physical, mental and spiritual dose of reality to what can be a very complicated and demanding world. The next time you meet someone, instead of asking them are you a top or a bottom, butch or fem, out or closeted, you should instead ask what is your big picture of life and how can we make it bigger and brighter for the both of us?
The most successful people think big, not limiting themselves with small thoughts and ideas. If you want the better things from life, you need to start thinking bigger. The more you stay on top of your game, the more doors will open for you to increase your earnings, find better friends and do all you want to do. This holds true for genuine relationships. I encourage you to come out of your comfort zone and seek people who are not your type, because underneath it all, they really just might be the one you are looking for.
Now on to the mailbag!
Dear Chat Daddy:
I'm 26 years old and live in the Lakeview area of the city. I'm originally from Rio. I moved to Chicago six years ago to attend college. I've gotten two degrees since going to school here. While in school I was seeking employment to work my way through college and to help send money back to my mother and three younger sisters in Rio. Over the time I've been in Chicago I've been able to purchase a three-bedroom condo on the lakefront, a new convertible car and I've made enough money to send for my family to visit me here in the city.
Here's my problem ... I've been working as a stripper for the past five years. At first I didn't want to go into this profession, but the money has been outstanding. I've earned six figures for the last three years. This has allowed me to pay for school, buy my condo and live a very comfortable life. With my family coming to visit this summer, I don't want them to know what I really do. I am not ashamed of what I do, but they think I'm working in the banking world because my degrees are in finance.
What am I to do? I love my dancing career.
— Just A Private Dancer
Dear Private Dancer:
You better shake your money maker ... well, to tell the truth, you are really working in finance. I feel so many people are not using their God-given talents to make a better way out for themselves. My only advice is to tell the truth to your mother, if no one else. Please let her know all the great things you've done with the money, and that you are comfortable at what you are doing. Now Missy, you really need to put those two degrees to work. I'm sure you love the admiration from the people you dance for; I know that the money is good ( boy, is it good ) , but you have what I call a true business spirit. Take your degrees and money and open yourself some type of business. There are so many choices, including a restaurant, club, or clothing shop.
Think about some of your favorite hobbies, foods or social things you can provide for people and they will be glad to pay you for your services. Let your money make you more money. Now is an ideal time to handle this difficult situation and branch off into your own business. Until next time ... you better keep on working.
— Chat Daddy
Dear Chat Daddy:
My best friend and I are always at odds. He believes that he will meet a man that will take care of all his wants and needs, when I want to obtain all that I can on my own without anyone's help. I love my friend dearly, but I think he's headed in the wrong direction. What should I do?
— Gonna Find Me a Sugar Daddy
Dear Gonna Find Me a Sugar Daddy:
In this day and age nobody is taking care of other people without some type of string being attached. When you allow other people to take care of you, you allow them to control and dominate you.
One of the richest rewards in life is being able to sit back and count your many blessings and accomplishments. Once your friend gets with these people he must realize that they are going to want to use him in ways that may not be suitable for him.
Encourage your friend to go to school to discover his true passions in life. I hope for you a smooth path of continued success.
— Chat Daddy
Dear Chat Daddy:
I recently attended a really nice birthday party of a friend. While at this birthday party, I mingled with quite a few of the guests. All of a sudden a gentleman who was very tall, dark and handsome stood out from all the rest. As we began to converse, we became more and more fascinated and infatuated with each other. As the evening came to a close he asked me for my phone number. He still has not called me. What do you think happened to this guy? Could it be he didn't like me or he's not single?
— Party Pooper
Dear Party Pooper:
I feel you 100%! I too have started hanging out and attending parties after a long break from the scene and find myself meeting some of the weirdest people I've ever met. I think we are all geared towards a certain of type chemistry, but somehow it all breaks down in the end. Most people have a really hard time being open and honest about what they are looking for in the beginning. They will lead you on knowing that they are seeing someone else or are in a committed relationship. The way all relationships are suffering, it's disgusting to know that people find great pleasure in wasting your time.
Chalk it up as experience and move on.
I'm a same-sex loving female who lives in the suburbs. I'm 21 years old and just started going out to bars. With each female that I meet it all starts out the same way. Most of the women I meet turn out to be really nice at first, but then after a week or so, they become very manipulative and demanding. How can I date without getting dumped on all the time?
— Young Love Just Looking For Fun
Dear Young Love Just Looking For Fun:
There's nothing like being 21. It seems like only yesterday that I too was 21 and looking for fun. The most important thing is to make it clear that you just want to be friends and that you are looking to meet and get to know people on a one-on-one basis without getting too serious.
Be completely open and honest and don't let other people intimidate you. When developing our social life it is most important to know exactly what is acceptable and what is not. If you find that people are changing on you in such a quick manner, it could be that you are meeting people who are dealing with conflicts that they dare not discuss, and to be honest with you, you have no business getting caught up with them so soon.
My advice to you: Only take your friendships to the next level when they feel right to you and whatever you do, don't fall for the old line that sex will make the relationship so much better. That's the most hogwash line in history.
I wish you hugs, kisses and happiness.
— Chat Daddy
Please feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org .