Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2021-09-01
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  IDENTITY

F.Y.I.: Ask the Chat Daddy
by Chat Daddy
2005-04-01

This article shared 3206 times since Fri Apr 1, 2005
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


April showers bring May flowers! As corny as that sounds, it's also the beginning of relationship season, which is the time of year when so many of us resurface after the cold and lonely winter.

But so many of us are so unprepared when it comes to dating. Have you ever gone to a party or attended a social event, looked around the room and noticed that they are all the same people you usually see and they are all still single? Has it ever crossed your mind that a relationship might be just what you need to help you grow in life?

Yeah, I know, your career, your commitment to church and education have all taken a front seat, but a good, healthy, loving relationship is what will truly make a difference in your life. Most of us end up sabotaging ourselves because we are quick to say, 'You are not my type!' My question to you is how old are you and how long have you been single? For some of us this number is large on both sides and for others it can be a matter of just a few single digits.

The problem with getting older and not being in relationships is that we tend to lose focus on the bigger picture. A relationship provides a physical, mental and spiritual dose of reality to what can be a very complicated and demanding world. The next time you meet someone, instead of asking them are you a top or a bottom, butch or fem, out or closeted, you should instead ask what is your big picture of life and how can we make it bigger and brighter for the both of us?

The most successful people think big, not limiting themselves with small thoughts and ideas. If you want the better things from life, you need to start thinking bigger. The more you stay on top of your game, the more doors will open for you to increase your earnings, find better friends and do all you want to do. This holds true for genuine relationships. I encourage you to come out of your comfort zone and seek people who are not your type, because underneath it all, they really just might be the one you are looking for.

Now on to the mailbag!

Dear Chat Daddy:

I'm 26 years old and live in the Lakeview area of the city. I'm originally from Rio. I moved to Chicago six years ago to attend college. I've gotten two degrees since going to school here. While in school I was seeking employment to work my way through college and to help send money back to my mother and three younger sisters in Rio. Over the time I've been in Chicago I've been able to purchase a three-bedroom condo on the lakefront, a new convertible car and I've made enough money to send for my family to visit me here in the city.

Here's my problem ... I've been working as a stripper for the past five years. At first I didn't want to go into this profession, but the money has been outstanding. I've earned six figures for the last three years. This has allowed me to pay for school, buy my condo and live a very comfortable life. With my family coming to visit this summer, I don't want them to know what I really do. I am not ashamed of what I do, but they think I'm working in the banking world because my degrees are in finance.

What am I to do? I love my dancing career.

— Just A Private Dancer

Dear Private Dancer:

You better shake your money maker ... well, to tell the truth, you are really working in finance. I feel so many people are not using their God-given talents to make a better way out for themselves. My only advice is to tell the truth to your mother, if no one else. Please let her know all the great things you've done with the money, and that you are comfortable at what you are doing. Now Missy, you really need to put those two degrees to work. I'm sure you love the admiration from the people you dance for; I know that the money is good ( boy, is it good ) , but you have what I call a true business spirit. Take your degrees and money and open yourself some type of business. There are so many choices, including a restaurant, club, or clothing shop.

Think about some of your favorite hobbies, foods or social things you can provide for people and they will be glad to pay you for your services. Let your money make you more money. Now is an ideal time to handle this difficult situation and branch off into your own business. Until next time ... you better keep on working.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy:

My best friend and I are always at odds. He believes that he will meet a man that will take care of all his wants and needs, when I want to obtain all that I can on my own without anyone's help. I love my friend dearly, but I think he's headed in the wrong direction. What should I do?

— Gonna Find Me a Sugar Daddy

Dear Gonna Find Me a Sugar Daddy:

In this day and age nobody is taking care of other people without some type of string being attached. When you allow other people to take care of you, you allow them to control and dominate you.

One of the richest rewards in life is being able to sit back and count your many blessings and accomplishments. Once your friend gets with these people he must realize that they are going to want to use him in ways that may not be suitable for him.

Encourage your friend to go to school to discover his true passions in life. I hope for you a smooth path of continued success.

— Chat Daddy

Dear Chat Daddy:

I recently attended a really nice birthday party of a friend. While at this birthday party, I mingled with quite a few of the guests. All of a sudden a gentleman who was very tall, dark and handsome stood out from all the rest. As we began to converse, we became more and more fascinated and infatuated with each other. As the evening came to a close he asked me for my phone number. He still has not called me. What do you think happened to this guy? Could it be he didn't like me or he's not single?

— Party Pooper

Dear Party Pooper:

I feel you 100%! I too have started hanging out and attending parties after a long break from the scene and find myself meeting some of the weirdest people I've ever met. I think we are all geared towards a certain of type chemistry, but somehow it all breaks down in the end. Most people have a really hard time being open and honest about what they are looking for in the beginning. They will lead you on knowing that they are seeing someone else or are in a committed relationship. The way all relationships are suffering, it's disgusting to know that people find great pleasure in wasting your time.

Chalk it up as experience and move on.

Chat Daddy:

I'm a same-sex loving female who lives in the suburbs. I'm 21 years old and just started going out to bars. With each female that I meet it all starts out the same way. Most of the women I meet turn out to be really nice at first, but then after a week or so, they become very manipulative and demanding. How can I date without getting dumped on all the time?

— Young Love Just Looking For Fun

Dear Young Love Just Looking For Fun:

There's nothing like being 21. It seems like only yesterday that I too was 21 and looking for fun. The most important thing is to make it clear that you just want to be friends and that you are looking to meet and get to know people on a one-on-one basis without getting too serious.

Be completely open and honest and don't let other people intimidate you. When developing our social life it is most important to know exactly what is acceptable and what is not. If you find that people are changing on you in such a quick manner, it could be that you are meeting people who are dealing with conflicts that they dare not discuss, and to be honest with you, you have no business getting caught up with them so soon.

My advice to you: Only take your friendships to the next level when they feel right to you and whatever you do, don't fall for the old line that sex will make the relationship so much better. That's the most hogwash line in history.

I wish you hugs, kisses and happiness.

— Chat Daddy

Please feel free to contact me at talk2chatdaddy@aol.com .


This article shared 3206 times since Fri Apr 1, 2005
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Thanksgiving is a time to reflect
2021-11-24
Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for a God that created us and loves us. The sins of racism, sexism, ageism and classicism are neoclassic examples of how we have fallen short. We have come ...


Gay News

VIEWS In defense of the word 'lesbian'
2021-11-19
When I decided to come out to my mom, I wanted to wait until I could say the word "lesbian" out loud. But as I sat her down, I tripped over the long string of letters. "Mom, I'm gay," I blurted ...


Gay News

'Andersonville Homecoming' Sept. 24-26; line-up, vendors, safety protocols announced
2021-09-15
--From a press release - CHICAGO (Sept. 15, 2021) — The Andersonville Chamber of Commerce (ACC) is pleased to announce the full entertainment line-up and vendors for Andersonville Homecoming--a three-night, two-day outdoor festival featuring ...


Gay News

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Opinion: The parade must go on
2021-09-02
I am responding to the letter from Tim Frye, the current 2021 coordinator of Chicago's Pride Parade, about the cancellation of the event that was scheduled for Oct. 3. I agree that this decision takes in ...


Gay News

Next OUTspoken show Sept. 7
2021-08-24
An OUTspoken Storytelling Night taking place Tuesday, Sept. 7, will offer tales told by six people who will relate their stories of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective. The entertainment will start at 7 p.m. ...


Gay News

Taste of River North cancelled
2021-07-29
On July 29, the River North Residents Association, along with theMART and Duff Entertainment, announced the cancellation of the 2021 edition of Taste of River North. The event was slated to take place Aug. 20-21 at ...


Gay News

OUTspoken storytelling to host six takes from LGBTQ+ perspective
2021-07-26
--From a press release - The month of August is hot - but OUTspoken at the Sidetrack will be even hotter on Aug. 3 when six storytellers will tell tales of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective! The program will start at 7:00 pm at ...


Gay News

LGBTQIA+ tavern to open in Uptown this fall
2021-07-14
2Bears Tavern Group—which owns and operates Andersonville's The SoFo Tap and Meeting House Tavern as well as Rogers Park's Jackhammer—is opening 2Bears Tavern Uptown in the former Nick's on Wilson space at 1140 W. Wilson Ave. ...


Gay News

LETTER: Pride, a time for hope
2021-06-12
Pride is so much more than a parade, a march or even a demonstration for the LGBTQAI community. In other words, this is an opportunity for us to celebrate our diversity among our various communities, and ...


Gay News

LETTER A matter of race
2021-05-20
I applaud Mayor Lori Lightfoot's courageous statement on only giving one-on-one interviews to journalists of color. She obviously wants to see a public dialogue on this matter. White privilege is a topic we must look at ...


Gay News

Pride Parade coordinator provides latest on the 'likely scenario' for event
2021-05-08
Tim Frye, the coordinator of the 2021 Pride Parade, told Windy City Times that the assessment of this year's event has not changed over the last few weeks. The official statement/assessment at this point is: "We ...


Gay News

Hate mail threatening Obamas, Biden, Harris sent to DuSable
2021-04-28
The Secret Service is investigating six threatening letters sent to the DuSable Museum of African American History that mention President Joe Biden, Vice President Kamala Harris and the Obama family, among others, The Chicago Tribune reported. ...


Gay News

LETTER The Vatican's words and actions do not echo love
2021-03-18
The LGBTQA community is responding with shock, anger and frustration at the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith statement concerning same-sex unions. Many in our community can't understand why Pope Francis would allow such a ...


Gay News

LETTER Federal anti-discrimination protection? Inevitable
2021-02-06
=The astute can predict the future—with more than a modicum of confidence—by examining history. Nate Silver did this last year at fivethirtyeight.com, as did Vegas oddsmakers, in predicting the victory of President Joe Biden over der ...


Gay News

Letter: Greed overrides common sense
2021-01-25
Jeffrey Sanker, founder of the White Party concept decades ago, is now at the center of brewing online civil war in the gay community. It was reported by some online LGBTQ media news outlets such as ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.