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  NIGHTSPOTS

FROM THE BOOTH
JUDGING A PORN BY ITS COVER
by Randy Pubert & Dick Groeper
2011-01-19

This article shared 2394 times since Wed Jan 19, 2011
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Golden Gate

Nakedsword

Directed by Chris Ward

Randy Pubert: Happy New Year and welcome to our first video of 2011!

Dick Groeper: I can blow my own horn now.

P: This video was sent to me on the tail end of last year.

G: It's from a website right?

P: Yes, we have to keep up with the times and this is the first in a series that plays on Nakedsword.com .

We begin with scenes showing sights from the Golden Gate Bridge.

G: Are they panning for gold?

P: I think this theme song might be an original piece of work.

G: It's a piece of something all right ...

P: This episode is called Dialing for Dollars.

G: I haven't played that game in a while.

Ronald calls in sick to work and stays home playing hooky.

P: There is a lot of backstory on the cast.

G: Oh, there it was: "Ron's never been fucked!"

P: What else do we need to know?

G: Who cares if he's a banker? We want the dirt!

P: He's looking online to find some satisfaction.

G: And just made a booty call, so that's the "dialing" part.

P: So Jeremy comes over.

G: They both say they have never done this before. Amateurs!

P: Jeremy is no amateur with the tweezer. Those eyebrows have been plucked to death.

The boys enter the bedroom.

G: They do have some chemistry.

P: Finally our porn bedroom is not dated.

G: Those San Francisco men can decorate.

P: Chris Ward is a talented director and cinematographer.

G: Yes, he's getting in all the right cracks and crevices.

P: What does the 7 tattoo stand for on Ronnie's chest?

G: Seven inches?

P: Seven minutes in heaven?

G: The movie Se7en?

P: That would be scary.

G: It's kinda weird to have a number 7 next to your nipple.

P: There's a lot of kissing going on for a hooker.

G: I know. Julia Roberts would not have any of that.

P: Jer better warm up that hole if it's never been fucked.

G: He's eyeing it like a piece of steak.

P: Woah, they just went from kissing to his dick already being in.

G: That's a missed opportunity for virgin talk.

P: We didn't get to see it even being inserted.

G: He's riding him like he does this everyday.

P: Look at the way Ronald is staring at himself in the mirrored headboard.

G: The sword is not naked, it has a condom on it.

P: I hope they don't mess up Ron's perfectly groomed hair.

G: Yeah, those San Fran queens are unreal.

P: Finally they switched positions.

G: The virgin is really getting broken in now.

P: He looks like he might twist Ron's arm.

G: That prostitute is pissed off!

P: He wanted a vestal virgin and got a used lemon.

G: There we go, a little legs-over-the-shoulder action.

P: Maybe the 7 is for seven different positions.

G: I don't think he's going to last that long.

P: Now Jeremy is looking at himself in the mirror.

G: People from California are so self-absorbed.

P: As soon as they're done the hooker heads for the hills.

G: Oh my gosh, he stole Ronald's wallet.

P: What is this teaching the young gays of today?

G: That money is the root of all evil.

P: They could have called this episode Dialing for a Robbery.

G: Not as catchy, though.

P: The credits say voiceover by Mr. Fur.

G: Wasn't he on Three's Company?

P: That's Mr. Furley.

Randy Pubert: Thumbs up the butt.

Dick Groeper: Thumbs up the butt.


This article shared 2394 times since Wed Jan 19, 2011
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