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  NIGHTSPOTS

Dixie Longate: keepin' it FRESH
2008-05-14

This article shared 1938 times since Wed May 14, 2008
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With a mouth more fresh than the foodstuffs she keeps in her wares, Tupperware salesqueen Dixie Longate brings her bowls and her bawdiness to Hydrate on Saturday, May 24 at 9 p.m.

Nightspots took a moment to talk to Dixie about food freshness, penicillin and the proper way to incorporate Tupperware products into your covert insemination plans.

How did you get into the fastpaced, go-go Tupperware industry?

My lesbian parole officer was the one who got me into Tupperware. She said that I needed a job in order to get my kids back, which I thought was kind of a pain in the ass. Not the job, the kids!

But I guess that is the law, so she got me turned on to Tupperware. At first I laughed when she suggested that I try selling plastic bowls, but then, when I found out I was actually going to parties every night and drinking for free, well that really roped me in. I mean come on, who doesnt want to go to a party, drink for free, and make money doing it? It's like being a high priced call girl, but not having to travel with so much penicillin in my purse.

What might we see at your party that we may not remember from our mother's Tupperware parties?

Well, we have gallon cereal containers that you can use to store your condoms in for the church retreat. We have tumblers that won't let you spill your cocktail while you are driving, and we have some crap that will make your salad and produce last almost four times longer than if you just stuck it in the fridge and left it to fend for itself.

There is a good reason why Tupperware is celebrating its 60th birthday this month. This stuff lasts forever and has a lifetime warranty, so frugal people can really get into the fact that they won't have to buy another piece

when this one goes bad. It lasts longer than any of your relationships ever have, I guarantee you that.

Why do the gays love Tupperware so?

Well, I have to tell you, I have only recently started doing parties for the 'mos. Most of my clientele are moms and busy gals on the go. But when I saw that the 'mos were spending $350 on a pair of sunglasses, I figured that these people would be great candidates for some food storage that lasts forever. And since the 'mos tend to like Martha Stewart and her crazy kitchen ideas, I know they might want some things to help them in the kitchen to achieve that seven layer choc-decadent-liquorrum-infusion-berry-Nyquil-Chiffon-Supreme Surprise that she makes.

And it is an American company to boot. Even more reason to support Tupperware if you ask me.

Now for a little free advice: Let's say I've worked out a deal with my lesbian friend to impregnate her with my ( unwitting ) boyfriend's sample. What would be the best way to ensure freshness upon delivery, if you get my drift?

Well, I am sad to say that Tupperware no longer makes the healthy baster. But there are plenty of smaller bowls and savers to store your man love in until you can get it across town to where that lady with her legs up in the air sits at the ready. If you just have daily deposits that are smaller and bite-sized, well, we have a set of midgets ( item #781 ) that are two ounces each and perfect for storing the ingredients for your 'egg drop soup.' But if you have a reputation at the bar for being a big fellow, well then some of our one-gallon pitchers that seal air-tight and liquid-tight may be just the ticket for you.

What advice would have for those little girls out there looking to break into the Tupperware game?

If you've ever thought that being your own boss and running your own little party business would be fun, then this is truly the thing for you. There is money to be made in direct sales. I bet it would surprise people that this year, I will make six-figures just from selling plastic bowls.

Not too shabby for a girl from a trailer in Mobile, Alabama.

And again I get to drink for free at work. Who can beat that?

Purchase your tickets online at: hydratechicago.com


This article shared 1938 times since Wed May 14, 2008
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