Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Pre-order Book!
Pre-order Book!
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

Dateland
by Jennifer Parello
2005-04-27

This article shared 2432 times since Wed Apr 27, 2005
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


It's late at night and I just finished cleaning up after yet another dinner party where my guests behaved badly. I spent weeks preparing for this party and my sorry-ass friends rewarded my efforts by complaining about the food, engaging in drunken arguments over inane issues, and refusing to go home. Finally, I turned off all the lights, blew out the candles, and retreated to my bedroom, leaving my sodden guests moping in the dark.

It is time, my sistahs, to learn some basic etiquette on being a good dinner guest. I am directing this exclusively at lesbians, because gay men don't need any help. They are, in general, excellent guests. The worst behavior I ever witnessed at a gay man's dinner party was when the host pulled a tenderloin from the oven and all the boys giggled over its resemblance to an uncircumcised penis. It might have ended there, but the only lesbian in the room ( yours truly ) said that she had never seen an uncircumcised penis and, thus, had nothing to compare the roast to. The host gleefully produced a stack of porn that focused specifically on this special brand of penis. As you can imagine, the evening took on a whole new direction from that moment on.

Here are some tips to help you make it through a dinner party and secure a place at your hostess's table again in the future

Wear something nice. The main reason most of us became lesbians was for the comfortable footwear, so no one expects you to wear heels or a dress. But would it kill you to wear freshly laundered jeans without holes in the knees? And don't wear pajamas. ( At my last party, two guests showed up in pajamas. I'm not kidding. )

Bring a hostess gift. Bring your hostess a thoughtful gift. It could be something as simple as a homemade CD with songs she might enjoy or a decent bottle of wine. Do not bring 'wine in a box.' There is only one type of liquid that is meant to be carried in a plastic bladder, and it ain't Chardonnay.

Eat what you're served. According to my mother, who has a lot of faults ( believe me! ) but is the best hostess this side of Elsa Maxwell, guests have no excuse for refusing to eat what they're served unless they have a serious medical condition that limits their diet. 'Eat what's put in front of you and shut up about it,' she says. Of course, my mother never had to deal with vegetarians, which brings us to our next point.

There's no room for PETA at the supper table. All lesbian carnivores realize we are wicked. Yes, we eat dead animals, but we're sick with guilt about it. We don't need to be reminded about how terrible we are by vegetarians who regale us with slaughterhouse horror stories as we carve into a steak. We feel bad enough already. So, vegetarian girls, if you've got a problem with us, form a picket line outside the party. But don't attend the dinner simply to destroy our self-delusions that beef is not the same thing as cow.

Speak up! You must contribute to dinner conversation by offering at least one interesting anecdote. It is the price you pay for free booze and food. If you are in a bad mood and determined to sulk through dinner, stay home. We'll have a much better time without you.


This article shared 2432 times since Wed Apr 27, 2005
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Pride Parade coordinator provides latest on the 'likely scenario' for event 2021-05-08
- Tim Frye, the coordinator of the 2021 Pride Parade, told Windy City Times that the assessment of this year's event has not changed over the last few weeks. The official statement/assessment at this point is: "We ...


Gay News

OUTspoken Storytelling to host tales from LGBTQ perspectives Nov. 10 2020-11-01
--From a press release - Another exciting OUTspoken Storytelling Night will offer the perspective of four Chicagoans telling life's stories from their LGBTQ+ viewpoint or that of their close friends and relatives, Tuesday, Nov. 10, starting at 7 p.m. on Zoom. ...


Gay News

Arts in the Dark Halloween Parade, this year a drive-through 2020-10-26
--From a Chicago Park District press release - CHICAGO: LUMA8, in collaboration with the Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events (DCASE), the Chicago Park District and Presenting Sponsor, the Blommer Chocolate Company, is pleased to announce Arts in the Dark - an UPSIDE ...


Gay News

Nightlines 1990-2001, Nightspots 2001-2015 2020-09-30
- Throughout the 1990s, Nightlines focused on the LGBTQ entertainment scene, from the bars to the stage and everything in between. With the new millennium came a significant format change as Nightspots focused in on the bar ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Former Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster dies at 37 2020-09-27
- Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster died Sept. 17 unexpectedly at the age of 37. At the time of this article's publication, Sangster's cause of death is unknown. Sangster was born June 4, 1983, on a Jacksonville, North ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Gay business owner/nightlife figure Bob Yeaworth dies 2020-09-20
- Gay business owner and promoter Robert "Bob" Yeaworth died Sept. 14 from complications due to his ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig's disease) diagnosis. He was 64. Yeaworth was born Sept. 17, 1955 in Cincinnati, Ohio, ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Medusa's owner Dave Shelton passes away 2020-08-19
- Dave Shelton, a.k.a. Dave "Medusa" Shelton—so named for his trademark frizzy locks— "just was different," recalled his good friend of 45 years, Richard Cooke. Shelton was the proprietor of the iconic nightspot Medusa's on Sheffield in ...


Gay News

Gerber/Hart fall benefit Sept. 12-13 2020-08-08
- The Gerber/Hart Library and Archives fall benefit—"Saving LGBTQ History: Archives in a Time of Activism"—will take place Sept. 12-13 at the venue, 6500 N. Clark St. On those days, there will be a series of 90-minute ...


Gay News

Holocaust Museum's virtual soiree Sept. 2 2020-08-06
- On Wed., Sept. 2, Illinois Holocaust Museum & Education Center's Women's Leadership Committee will host its annual soirée virtually. The event will stream live from a studio with a star-studded line-up featuring a musical performance by ...


Gay News

Virtual OPALGA+ scholarship gala slated for Oct. 24 2020-08-06
- OPALGA+/Oak Park Area Lesbian & Gay Association will hold a virtual scholarship gala Saturday, Oct. 24, at 7 p.m. The event will feature video clips from the organization's scholarship winners, the Founder's Award celebration and opportunities ...


Gay News

La Cage aux FUN, opening weekend at A-ville's The Bird Cage 2020-07-22
- Photos by Joseph Stevens Photography ...


Gay News

Survey open for potential Boystown name change 2020-07-21
- Northalsted Business Alliance is asking for the public to weigh in on the "Boystown" moniker. The Alliance has published a survey asking community members' opinions on the Lake View neighborhood, which was officially designated an "LGBTQ+ ...


Gay News

Last call for Little Jim's 2020-07-05
- Longtime Lake View tavern Little Jim's shut its doors July 2. Billing itself as "the original hookup bar," Jim Gates opened Little Jim's in 1975, and it was one of the first gay bars in the Boystown area. Gates sold the ...


Gay News

COVID-19 Replay closes July 5-6 after employee tests positive 2020-07-05
- The restaurant Replay Andersonville, 5358 N. Clark St., is closing July 5-6 after owner Mark Liberson posted on Facebook that an employee tested positive for COVID-19. On July 5, Liberson posted, "While this post is not ...


Gay News

Pride Fest Chicago goes virtual 2020-06-24
- Chicago's beloved annual Pride Fest made the move to Twitch for a special Virtual Pride Fest, presented by Northalsted Business Alliance and Gilead Sciences. The virtual fest streamed on the platform over two nights, Saturday, June ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.