Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-08-31
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

Dateland
by Jennifer Parello
2004-05-12

This article shared 1928 times since Wed May 12, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I went to a marvelous party

With NooNoo, and Nada, and Nell

It was in the fresh air, and we came as we were

And we stayed as we were, which was hell

'I've Been to a Marvelous Party' by Noel Coward

There was a moment at Greta's birthday party—before one of her ex-girlfriends threw a cocktail in her face, before the hair-pulling incident, before the squad car thundered down the driveway—when everyone was having a good time.

It was that perfect part of the afternoon when the sun blasts one final fiery shout before sinking into the west. You've just taken your first sip of your second mai tai and you look up to find yourself

surrounded by your friends' big, happy heads bobbing before you like a springtime version of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. You are filled with a sense of esprit de corps and you gulp down the urge to make broad declarations of love. (That will have to wait until after you've downed your third cocktail, the liquid diving line between heartfelt emotion and cheap sentiment.)

But then, just when it seemed like that perfect moment would stretch well into the evening, Greta opened her presents and all Hell broke loose.

As Greta prepared to tear into her gifts, Tricia danced around her like a mental patient, begging, 'Open mine first!' She thrust an envelope into Greta's hand and hugged

herself with delight as Greta read—and re-read—the card.

'I don't get it,' Greta said. 'It says that you're giving me the gift of closure. Did you mean the gift of clothes? Is there supposed to be a gift certificate in here?' she asked, searching the envelope for an errant Marshall Fields gift card.

'No, I meant closure,' Tricia said solemnly. And then she cried out, 'Come on out, girls!'

Greta's most recent ex-girlfriend suddenly appeared from behind a cottonwood tree and stomped into the middle of the yard. She was

followed by a dozen other women, all of whom who had once slept with Greta and who now shared

different variations of the same pissed-off expression.

The stormy cabal marched toward Greta, singing a song about Greta's many character flaws to the tune of 'Getting to Know You.' As the grim chorus line spit out the song, Tricia kept time by snapping her fingers.

Tricia's philosophy about ex-lovers differs greatly from mine. She believes that you should keep your exes in your life forever, dragging around these bitter, angry anchors, who like to remind you every time they get a couple of drinks in them that you were lousy in bed.

I, on the other hand, follow the praying mantis school of breakups: Bite off their heads immediately after mating. After all, your exes can't sing hateful and poorly

constructed lyrics (Greta's exes rhymed 'You are a moron' with 'My heart with acid poured on') if they don't have their heads.

At the end of the party, as we all piled into the paddy wagon, Tricia, who was shackled to my ankle, smiled and said, 'It really was a marvelous party.' I looked around the van at my friends who were all merrily humming the 'Getting to Hate You' song (it was rather catchy!). 'I've been to worse,' I said with a shrug, and then I wrapped by arm around Greta and joined in the singing.


This article shared 1928 times since Wed May 12, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

'Barlesque' launches at Sidetrack 2022-09-03
- On Sept. 1 at Northalsted/Boystown nightspot Sidetrack, Barlesque kicked off. Nightlife figure Khloe Daniels hosted, introducing this year's bars, performers and choreographers. Barlesque brings Chicago nightlife superstars, local bars and ...


Gay News

TPAN bringing back 'Barlesque' starting Sept. 1 2022-08-25
- Barlesque is back. On Thursday, Sept. 1, at 7 p.m. at Northalsted/Boystown nightspot Sidetrack, 3349 N. Halsted St., Barlesque will kick off. Nightlife figure Khloe Daniels will host introduce this year's bars, performers and choreographers. Attendanc ...


Gay News

Touche holds fundraiser for Windy City Times 2022-07-12
- Leather bar Touche, 6412 N. Clark St., held its regular Friday fundraiser on July 8—and the fortunate recipient this time was Windy City Times. Approximately $200 were raised during this benefit raffle. Touche has been a ...


Gay News

Pride Journey: Iceland 2022-03-21
- The only way to describe Iceland is ... magical. It truly is. Iceland is like no other place I've visited in the world. It's topography, climate, people, culture, history, and nightlife blended together make Iceland a ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Jeffrey Wayne ("Jef") Morgan 2022-01-11
- Jeffrey Wayne "Jef" Morgan, of Chicago's West Rogers Park neighborhood, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack while shoveling snow on Jan. 2. He was 58. Jef was the well-loved manager at Little Jim's on ...


Gay News

'Andersonville Homecoming' Sept. 24-26; line-up, vendors, safety protocols announced 2021-09-15
--From a press release - CHICAGO (Sept. 15, 2021) The Andersonville Chamber of Commerce (ACC) is pleased to announce the full entertainment line-up and vendors for Andersonville Homecoming--a three-night, two-day outdoor festival featuring ...


Gay News

Next OUTspoken show Sept. 7 2021-08-24
- An OUTspoken Storytelling Night taking place Tuesday, Sept. 7, will offer tales told by six people who will relate their stories of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective. The entertainment will start at 7 p.m. ...


Gay News

Taste of River North cancelled 2021-07-29
- On July 29, the River North Residents Association, along with theMART and Duff Entertainment, announced the cancellation of the 2021 edition of Taste of River North. The event was slated to take place Aug. 20-21 at ...


Gay News

OUTspoken storytelling to host six takes from LGBTQ+ perspective 2021-07-26
--From a press release - The month of August is hot - but OUTspoken at the Sidetrack will be even hotter on Aug. 3 when six storytellers will tell tales of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective! The program will start at 7:00 pm at ...


Gay News

LGBTQIA+ tavern to open in Uptown this fall 2021-07-14
- 2Bears Tavern Group—which owns and operates Andersonville's The SoFo Tap and Meeting House Tavern as well as Rogers Park's Jackhammer—is opening 2Bears Tavern Uptown in the former Nick's on Wilson space at 1140 W. Wilson Ave. ...


Gay News

Pride Parade coordinator provides latest on the 'likely scenario' for event 2021-05-08
- Tim Frye, the coordinator of the 2021 Pride Parade, told Windy City Times that the assessment of this year's event has not changed over the last few weeks. The official statement/assessment at this point is: "We ...


Gay News

OUTspoken Storytelling to host tales from LGBTQ perspectives Nov. 10 2020-11-01
--From a press release - Another exciting OUTspoken Storytelling Night will offer the perspective of four Chicagoans telling life's stories from their LGBTQ+ viewpoint or that of their close friends and relatives, Tuesday, Nov. 10, starting at 7 p.m. on Zoom. ...


Gay News

Arts in the Dark Halloween Parade, this year a drive-through 2020-10-26
--From a Chicago Park District press release - CHICAGO: LUMA8, in collaboration with the Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events (DCASE), the Chicago Park District and Presenting Sponsor, the Blommer Chocolate Company, is pleased to announce Arts in the Dark - an UPSIDE ...


Gay News

Nightlines 1990-2001, Nightspots 2001-2015 2020-09-30
- Throughout the 1990s, Nightlines focused on the LGBTQ entertainment scene, from the bars to the stage and everything in between. With the new millennium came a significant format change as Nightspots focused in on the bar ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Former Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster dies at 37 2020-09-27
- Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster died Sept. 17 unexpectedly at the age of 37. At the time of this article's publication, Sangster's cause of death is unknown. Sangster was born June 4, 1983, on a Jacksonville, North ...


 



Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 

Sponsor


Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.