Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

Dateland
by Jennifer Parello
2004-03-24

This article shared 2628 times since Wed Mar 24, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I am writing this while seated in an airplane. I am in steerage class, squished between two large men in suits who are each digging an elbow into my kidneys. Across the aisle, a businessman with a pained expression is trying to shove a stick of gum into the bawling mouth of a neighboring infant. The baby's mother throws the gum back at the businessman and explains that babies don't "chew" gum, they "choke" on gum. The businessman pockets the gum and then offers the infant a small, rubber ball to gnaw on. The weary mother accepts the toy, ignoring the warning label that screams: "CERTAIN DEATH!"

A few rows in front of me, two other business travelers, who began flirting a few hours before in an airport bar, are drunkenly groping each other. A harried stewardess, who has obviously benefited from the airline's relaxed weight and attractiveness requirements for flight attendants, threatens to throw scalding water on them if they don't put their pants back on.

Such is the glamorous life of a business traveler. It's a world filled with adultery, alcoholism, and attempted infanticide. It is

populated by people whose gray pallor reflects too many trips to the vending machine and too much time soaking up the glow of the pay-per-view adult movies that are generously defined as

"entertainment" on expense reports.

For the past year, I've been spending most of my work week in hotel rooms with no mini-bars and views of parking lots. The reason for all of this travel, according to my boss, is because it would be in everyone's best interests if I spent as little time in the office as necessary.

"Is it because I'm a rabble rouser?" I asked, hopefully.

"No, it's because you're an idiot," he growled. "Now, get the hell out of here."

Every week, he hands me a plane ticket along with some vague orders to check on "the field." However, since I have no idea what "the field" is or where to find it, I spend most of my time in the

shadowy world of hotel lounges, drinking watered down cocktails under plastic palm trees, and

preying on the troubled affections of desperate and lonely businesswomen who are adrift from their family and friends and

disconnected from any sense of stability.

Oops, wait a minute! It seems that I've just confused my life with that of the sleazy, womanizing businessman played by Fred MacMurray in "The Apartment."

Although I aspire to be the type of amoral corporate executive who lives on maraschino cherries and cheap blondes, the sad truth is that I'm simply an incompetent middle-manager who spends most of her downtime on the road

dodging social obligations with colleagues and combing garbage cans for disgarded restaurant receipts to beef up her expense report.

The most daring thing I do on the road is lie about my profession. But that's gotten me into some unexpected jams. On the flight to Washington this week, I tried to impress the cute woman next to me by telling her that I am an astrophysicist at NASA. But, as luck would have it, she is also an astrophysicist at NASA and she wanted to know my thoughts on string theory. I quickly feigned an emergency bladder complaint and hid in the bathroom until a stewardess threatened to throw scalding water on me if I didn't come out.


This article shared 2628 times since Wed Mar 24, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Looking back at Chicago LGBTQ+ community's stand against Anheuser-Busch 2024-01-30
- As conservatives across the country boycotted Anheuser-Busch products for Bud Light's partnership with trans woman Dylan Mulvaney in 2023, LGBTQ+ bars in Chicago removed their products for a different reason. Following the deeply negative response to ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub closes after nearly 40 years, following boycott 2023-11-21
Decades of Photo Archives below - After nearly forty years, Berlin Nightclub, 954 W. Belmont Ave., officially closed its doors Nov. 19 following a months-long fight between its owners and unionized workers. Owners Jim Schuman and Jo Webster officially announced Berlin Nightclub's ...


Gay News

Happy Hail-loween: Rough weather doesn't get the better of Haunted Halsted revelers 2023-11-03
- The 26th annual Haunted Halsted Halloween Parade returned for the 26th time on Oct. 31. Attendees were challenged by a mix of rain, snow and hail as they marched down Halsted Street from Belmont Avenue towards ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub workers urge customers to boycott as they fight for fair contract 2023-10-31
- Berlin Nightclub workers are calling for people to boycott the LGBTQ+ club while they push for their first contract, which they hope will include increased wages and access to healthcare. Berlin Nightclub workers unionized in April ...


Gay News

MIR's Intergalactic Rubber celebration soars to a suburb not too far way 2023-10-27
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Mister International Rubber (MIR) 27, this year themed as Intergalactic Rubber, took off Oct. 19-22 from their new location at the DoubleTree Hotel by Hilton in Skokie. MIR26 Pusckatt Pumera Onyx stepped down and passed their ...


Gay News

GAY HISTORY MONTH In the '60s, drag found a home in San Francisco's Glen Park 2023-10-02
- Special to Windy City Times. To mark Gay History Month, this article appears courtesy of the Bay Area Reporter. During the '60s most LGBTQ nightlife in San Francisco was centered in the northern neighborhoods of the ...


Gay News

Nobody's Darling celebrates expansion into adjoining property with soft opening event 2023-09-24
- In the little over two years since its opening, Nobody's Darling in Andersonville has emerged as one of the premiere inclusive spaces to gather in Chicago. Nobody's Darling has become so successful that co-owners Angela Barnes ...


Gay News

Chicago musician, producer and DJ Don Crescendo killed in Avondale stabbing 2023-09-20
- Chicago's LGBTQ+ nightlife community and allies have rallied around the family and close friends of local longtime musician, producer and DJ Rodney Donovan Taylor, a.k.a. Don Crescendo, in the wake of his death by stabbing last ...


Gay News

MUSIC Kylie Minogue to debut Vegas residency this fall 2023-07-28
- The Venetian Resort Las Vegas revealed details surrounding its new 1,000-seat nightlife space, Voltaire, with the announcement of its first headliner—pop sensation and LGBTQ+ ally Kylie Minogue, a press release ...


Gay News

Bears, cubs and their admirers return for Illinois Bear Contest 2023-04-11
- Visitors and Chicagoans gathered at Charlies Chicago, 3726 N. Broadway, on April 7 to kick off the Illinois Bear Contest weekend, the first since 2019. The contest itself took place the following evening at Leather Archives ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Trans musicians, NHL, 'Queen Charlotte,' Jinkx Monsoon, Anderson Cooper 2023-04-08
- The Face published an article about five trans musicians who should be on people's playlists. British queer nightlife legend Mya Mehmi said that those musicians include New York's Ms Boogie, London-based Harve, Arca, Ms. Carrie Stacks ...


Gay News

Winners chosen in the International Puppy and Trainer Contest 2023-04-03
- The International Puppy & Trainer Contest was held in Chicago the weekend of March 31 to April 2 for the first time since 2019. The contest's Meet & Greet was held at Cellblock on March 31. The contest was hosted the ...


Gay News

PASSAGES: Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend and hairdresser Jojo Baby 2023-03-16
- Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend, doll-maker and hairdresser Jojo Baby died March 14 of liver, lung and stomach cancer. They were 51. Baby was born April 10, 1971, in Chicago and grew up ...


Gay News

Puppy & Handler Contest returns 2023-02-21
Joseph Stephens - The Midwest Puppy & Handler Contest took place the weekend of Feb. 17-18 for the first time since 2019. The contest's meet-and-greet was held at Cellblock Feb. 17. The contest itself was hosted by the Leather ...


Gay News

Chicagoans gather for Jackhammer re-opening 2023-01-30
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Rogers Park leather and fetish bar Jackhammer held its grand re-opening the evening of Jan. 27 after a long renovation process. The longtime North Side watering hole opened in 1999, taking over the space previously occupied ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.