Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

Dateland
by Jennifer Parello
2010-02-17

This article shared 1945 times since Wed Feb 17, 2010
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Most of my columns are packed with lies, but the story I'm about to tell is absolutely true. Especially the part about me being much more fetching than my friends.

I was sitting poolside at a Las Vegas hotel with my two best friends and my lady friend. We were fully dressed. Well, let me qualify that. Some of us were wearing bathing suits but we had wisely covered up with those clever, flowing pool pajamas that some nice gay boy designer created to disguise middle-aged sag.

We're all in our 40s and we look pretty good. I'm happy to report that I'm aging the best of all of us! And if any of them wants to argue this point ( and, of course, they all will ) they can get their own column. But even with my exceptional good looks and raw, animal charm, there's no way to hide the fact that I'm a middle aged gal. And there's certainly no way to disguise my friends' age. They really look it!

So, we were mildly confused when a 20-something boy approached us and began flirting. Aggressively.

He was wearing swim trunks and nothing else. First, he asked for sunscreen, which I pulled out of a large, decorative bag that I had bought in the gift shop for my mom. It was the type of thing that a mom would like, both colorful and practical. I used to like only drab and impractical. But, as you age, you find yourself drawn to things that sparkle, and also items that can multitask.

The boy told us a very convoluted life story that made no sense whatsoever as he slowly massaged sunscreen into his chest. I was so confused by the nonsense coming out of his mouth that it took me a few minutes to realize that he was trying to be sexy.

My friend Stacy attempted to use her mighty passive-aggressive powers to scare him away, but the boy continued to massage himself and ask too personal, too probing questions of us.

I've always found that the best way to end an unwanted conversation is to buy a drink, so I signaled the waitress. The boy licked his lips in anticipation, but Stacy dashed his hopes by shooing the waitress away and announcing that we were leaving.

"I think he just wanted the old ladies to buy him a drink," I said, as we walked into the hotel.

"I wasn't going to spend any money on someone with a nicer ass than me," said Stacy.

Just then, our waitress trotted up to us. "You know what that was all about, right?" she asked. "He's a gigolo." Apparently, young guys hang out at Vegas pools and make a living off aging divorcees looking to have themselves a good time and bring themselves home a social disease.

"A gigolo!" we shouted in unison, and then we looked at him working a couple of blue-haired early-bird special candidates across the patio.

"Well, he's the worst gigolo in the world!" I said. Of all the desperate, middle-aged women around the pool—and judging by the landscape of fake tans, damaged hair, and sorry fashion choices there were a lot of 'em—he picked the only four lesbians in the joint.

"Poor thing!" we cried in unison, our middle-aged hearts bleating maternally. "He'll starve to death."

Later that evening, I saw him sitting next to a slot machine, earnestly chatting up a 70-something gal who refused to take her zombie gaze off her machine. She was wearing a sweatshirt with the HRC logo. I tossed the kid a $10 chip and advised him that maybe… just maybe… it was time to get into another line of work.


This article shared 1945 times since Wed Feb 17, 2010
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

ART 'Immersive Van Gogh' extended through Sept. 6 in Chicago 2021-02-13
- Lighthouse ArtSpace Chicago—a new venue within Chicago's recently renovated landmark Germania Club Building, 108 W. Germania Pl.—will extend the dates of the U.S. premiere of the art experience "Immersive Van ...


Gay News

Wizard World Chicago moved from June to August 2021-02-05
- Wizard Brands, Inc. announced that its scheduled 2021 live event in Chicago has been postponed due to COVID-19 restrictions and in continued accordance with federal, state and local guidelines. Instead of the original dates of June ...


Gay News

Milwaukee PrideFest announces postponement 2021-01-28
--From a press release at milwaukeepride.org - Milwaukee PrideFest has announced that it will move this year's festival from its usual time slot in early June. PrideFest is working with Milwaukee Ethnic Festivals, Inc. on potential dates, hoping to reschedule the event for late summer or early fal ...


Gay News

LGBTQ+ Americans greet the Biden-Harris era with hope, hesitancy 2021-01-22
Kate Sosin, 19thnews.org - To many, the moment marks a new dawn, the end of deeply distressing four years. Others are simply exhausted. A lot of kids spend their teenage years worrying about dates and dances. Eli Bundy has spent ...


Gay News

Billy Masters 2021-01-05
- "Gay man has too much to drink and legally changes name to Celine Dion."—New Year's Day headline from England. Not only is it embarrassing, it's woefully out of date. I mean, Celine Dion—how retro! I know ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Adoption-agency case, Chick-fil-A, LGBTQ candidates, Cher 2020-08-24
- The U.S. Supreme Court set Wed., Nov. 4, as the date when it will hear oral arguments on whether a taxpayer-funded, religious-affiliated adoption agency can lawfully reject same-sex couples—a case that could have significant impact on ...


Gay News

STREAMING THEATER REVIEW Bad Dates 2020-08-19
- Playwright: Theresa Rebeck At: Online. Tickets: $25-$50; OilLampTheater.org. Runs through: Aug. 23 Fashion being an integral element in romantic fiction, we are not surprised to first discover our heroine in her boudoir, readying herself for a ...


Gay News

STREAMING THEATER REVIEW Bad Dates 2020-08-11
- Playwright: Theresa Rebeck At: Online. Tickets: $25-$50; OilLampTheater.org . Runs through: Aug. 23 Fashion being an integral element in romantic fiction, we are not surprised to first discover our heroine in her boudoir, readying herself for ...


Gay News

Wizard World postponed until June 24-27, 2021 2020-07-29
- Wizard Entertainment, Inc. announced that its Wizard World Chicago convention, originally scheduled for Aug. 20-23 at Rosemont's Donald E. Stephens Convention Center, has been postponed due to the continuing COVID-19 pandemic. The revised dates ...


Gay News

Oil Lamp Theater hosting drive-in premiere Aug. 7 2020-07-25
- Oil Lamp Theater Executive Director Jay Pastucha and Associate Artistic Director Stephen Smith announced Bad Dates, which will premiere Friday, Aug. 7, 6 and 8:30 p.m., in the parking lot of Our Lady of Perpetual Help ...


Gay News

THEATER Pride in Place Festival brings LGBTQ theater to stay-at-home audiences 2020-06-09
- The upheaval of the Stonewall riots had barely settled before the weekend preceding Independence Day was set aside to honor the right of every citizen to love without outdated restrictions. On that date ever since, Pride ...


Gay News

THEATER Pride in Place Festival brings LGBTQ theater to stay-at-home audiences 2020-05-26
- The upheaval of the Stonewall riots had barely settled before the weekend preceding Independence Day was set aside to honor the right of every citizen to love without outdated restrictions. On that date ever since, Pride ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Elton John, TV actor comes out, Adam Lambert, 'Queer as Folk' 2020-04-28
- Sir Elton John postponed the remaining North American dates on his Farewell Yellow Brick Road Tour due to the coronavirus, Rolling Stone noted. John's farewell trek previously postponed its tour dates from March 26 through May ...


Gay News

Jeff Awards going virtual June 8 UPDATE 2020-04-16
- UPDATE dated June 3 http://www.windycitytimes.com/lgbt/Awards-postponed/68655.html . The Jeff Awards—the Chicago theater community's annual awards recognizing non-Equity theater productions—will be presented in a virtual format on Monday ...


Gay News

CAKE postponed until June 2021 2020-04-01
- Because of coronavirus-related concerns, Chicago Alternative Comics Expo (CAKE) and CAKE-related activities are being postponed until a proposed date of June 2021. In a statement, organizers said, "Though the quality ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.