I'm a few shows into my third year as a judge for Windy City Gay Idol (one more than J-Lo), and I've learned a few things. First, I will always be "The Simon," despite the fact that Kirk Williamson hates being the "The Randy." I have wavier hair, I'm a bigger bitch and Kirk secretly played for Journey. Second, Ketel One and Smirnoff make for a damned good sponsor. And third, despite the stunning amount of talent every year, no one listens to my advice! So, for the second year, here's my pre-advice to future contestants for Windy City Gay Idol.
When it comes to a popular song choice, if you're too familiar with it, the judges, who are in the media, have heard it 10 times more. We can officially retire "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain, "Stand By Me" and "Bridge Over Troubled Water." A hundred singers did them before, and possibly better. We'll just compare you to them. Same goes for "the belters". As much as it sounds good in your head, please avoid Whitney (Rest In Peace, Angel), Mariah, Celine, and X-Tina. You are not as good as them. You're good, but if you were that good, you'd not be at The Call at 10 pm on a Tuesday. Harsh, but true. Also, stay clear of big rock balladeers (Nickelback, Journey) and giant country singers like Garth or George Strait. You're better off going with something done by someone who isn't a powerhouse. Think Britney, or Sting, or The Pet Shop Boys. You can get the point across and look like a hero by either matching their skill or outdoing them! Set the bar low, aim high. Which leads me to my next point: know your voice.
There are all kinds of vocalists. Find out which ones are you. Ask your friends. Practice for coworkers. Busk on Halsted. Whatever, but ask for real opinions from those around you. Your mother doesn't count. She is deaf ... to you. If you listen to the radio, most vocalists (especially the men) aren't even Glee-level good, but they can emote. If you're not Adele II, then don't try to compete with her. You can be Lana Del Ray instead. I hear there's a position open.
Finally, we say it every year, HAVE FUN! While we take our judging very seriously (someone get me that fifth Ketel One), you don't have to. Last week at the Jackhammer stop, one of our best performances was from a guy who isn't exactly Madonna but busted out a killer Madge cover just by owning it and shaking his groove thing. No, he didn't make it through, but he got some of the best praise of the night and for a rendition that would have turned no chairs on The Voice. But it turned US out, and gave everyone in the bar a big old smile. He didn't win, but he won our hearts. Our hearts are cold and dead, since we're judges, but still, for a night, his energy won them.
Catch the next few rounds of Windy City Gay Idol at T's, Sun., April 29 at 6 pm; and Touché, Wed., May 2 at 10 pm. See the ad on page 25 for the full Windy City Gay Idol schedule.