Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays ( PFLAG ) -Chicago will hold its "Stand Up for Equality" fundraiser March 8 at the Chicago Improv at Schaumburg's Woodfield Mall. Mike Neubecker—a comedian from Michigan who is the father of openly gay Chicagoan Lee Neubecker—talked with Windy City Times about his son coming out and what the audience can expect March 8.
Windy City Times: I understand that you're an engineer. How do you balance that with being a comic?
Mike Neubecker: They all tie together in different ways. For example, I'll be with a customer in Sturgis [ Mich. ] repairing a machine and talking with the guy about comedy and PFLAG, and someone with the Elks [ Lodge ] walks in—and, the next thing you know, I'm bringing comedy to Sturgis. People come to me afterwards and I tell them about PFLAG, so it all ties together.
WCT: Will this be the first time your son, Lee, will see your act?
MN: This will be the first time he sees my full act; he's seen bits and pieces. When he and his husband, David, were in town, they saw some new material.
WCT: What was your initial reaction when Lee came out to you?
MN: Well, I was sure he was confused somehow. Now I look back and am kind of ashamed at how ignorant I was. I had to work through it like anybody else would, but I remember that moment when I told him, "Even though I'm not comfortable with it right now, you're my son and I love you." Even then, I followed it with humor and said, "Well, just don't expect me to go on Oprah." We had a hug and, through the tears, we managed to laugh. Since then, I've progressed quite a bit.
WCT: And your comedy happened after he came out, correct?
MN: Yeah; my comedy came later. In fact, I wasn't much of a public speaker; I got nervous getting up in front of 10 people or even sitting at a meeting with a large group of people. But once you get involved with PFLAG and you start speaking at churches, universities and high school classrooms, you get used to speaking. After a while, you want to inject some humor into your story just to keep it interesting—and you create a situation where people laugh. [ The laughter ] is kind of addictive; I like it.
To do this material and "kill with it"—as they say in comedy—is very satisfying. It's validation of what I believe: that most people really aren't that hung up on [ sexuality ] . When they see a dad who can see the humor in life, it's not big a deal. People say, "Thanks. I appreciate what you did." They don't feel so isolated and alone if they're parents of a gay or trans person.
WCT: And do you support same-sex marriage?
MN: Oh, definitely. Lee and David went to California about five years ago and got married in San Francisco. When they came back, we had a nice family reception in Detroit, and it was a good chance to educate. However, I had to use some humor because there were some relatives who were still a little uneasy [ about the marriage ] . I said during a toast that "I correctly imagined a priest and a nun being here, but never in my wildest imagination did I believe that my son would fall in love and marry a ... southerner." [ Interviewer laughs. ] That got a good laugh.
Comedy has its place, and in the last eight years I've needed comedy to survive. This whole struggle for equality does stress you out if you don't take a little time to see the lighter side of things.
WCT: So that's the type of comedy people can expect March 8?
MN: Yeah, pretty much: "You can imagine what it's like to have a gay son and his partner, along with my wife, is like. It's like the fashion police are waiting at every intersection." [ Imitates siren. ]
WCT: [ Laughs. ] Do you ever bomb?
MN: I've had audiences that bombed before, but I've never bombed. [ Both laugh. ] They were off that night; they just weren't ready.
WCT: Was there anything you wanted to add?
MN: This is a benefit for PFLAG, and they support education and advocacy. I go by my stand-up act but I'm glad I'm not standing alone; there are lots of parents, family members, friends and LGBT [ individuals ] who are standing up for each other and working to move equality forward.
"Stand Up for Equality" will take place Sunday, March 8, at the Chicago Improv at Schamburg's Woodfield Mall. The event will feature headliner Vickie Shaw, comic Mike Neubecker and hostess Miss Foozie. Tickets are $50; see www.pflagchicago.com .
