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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2021-04-26

This article shared 607 times since Mon Apr 26, 2021
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"Then I heard about a thing called summer stock. I had done some plays, and I auditioned for this company in Coeur d'Alene, and I got in. And the first production was Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. And I think I slept with five out of the seven brothers—just to make sure."—Cheyenne Jackson tells his coming-out story on Mayim Bialik's Breakdown.

You know what all of the stories this week have in common? People just want to live their lives. Yes, some want to make money off them, while others don't believe they're living unless people are watching. But that's who they are. It certainly won't stop me from writing about them—and I bet that makes most of them pretty damn happy.

Take Colton Underwood—please! Last week, we told you that he came out. Because I'm a stickler for research, I read his memoir—25 minutes I'll never get back. Bear in mind this was "written" while he was trying to find love with a woman. On page 2, he uses the word "heretofore." Gay! He describes Cassie (from The Bachelor) as "super-cute." My God—he's not even trying to hide it. And let me share this piece of philosophy with you: "I don't wash blue jeans. Denim shrinks, and a good pair of blue jeans should be worshipped, not washed." Also on the subject of clothing, he makes a startling confession: "I wear shorts to bed if I'm sleeping with my dog. I don't wear anything if I'm alone." That is beyond my pay grade. He can discuss that with his psychiatrist … or veterinarian.

I also told you that Colton is documenting his journey on a Netflix reality show, where Gus Kenworthy will be his "guide." What qualifies someone as a "gay guide?" Because if it's sexual experience, I think I've got Gus beat! Many people in the gay community are asking Netflix to cancel the show—before it's even aired … or finished shooting! Lance Bass said, "There is a small percentage of the community that's just gonna not like the fact that he came out this way, that he's monetizing the experience." There's a word for people who monetize gay sex. I know—I've slept with those people!

Remember "Leave Britney Alone?" I didn't know that Chris Crocker, the tyke who made that impassioned plea, was still part of anyone's consciousness. But he's sold the rights to his 2007 video for $41K! What will he do with his booty? Probably what he's been doing with it for years. As to the money, he plans to spend most of it on his transition. Or, should I say, "their" transition—because Chris prefers the pronoun "they." Once I read the details—again, I loves me some research—they are also going to use a portion of the proceeds to care for their grandmother. A noble gesture, indeed.

Last week's "Billy Masters LIVE" featured Del Shores—the prolific playwright, director, producer and all-around auteur. We've known each other for years, but have never been particularly close. I have enormous respect for him and his work—in fact, the last play I saw prior to the pandemic was This Side of Crazy, his latest effort at the Zephyr Theatre in Los Angeles. So when I had a last-minute opening in my schedule, I asked Del to be on, and he graciously accepted. There are some who feel perhaps I was a bit intrusive with some of my questions. What can I say? I'm a naturally curious person, and I ask the questions many of you have. Afterward, Del said he enjoyed himself and found the interview "cathartic." If you want to know things that only I would ask, check out "Billy Masters LIVE" on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV or on BillyMasters.com/TV. And, again, thanks Del!

This column is coming out the day after the Oscars—or, as I like to call it, The Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe. Am I the only one who was waiting for Regina King to break into "Don't Rain on My Parade?" Still, it's hard to take issue with any show that features Glenn Close doing "Da Butt"—even if the bit was scripted within an inch of its life. It's too early for me to know who got left out of the "In Memoriam"—aside from my beloved Tempest Storm, who just passed away last week. Still, I wouldn't expect the Academy to honor the star of Teaserama.

In a very brief "Ask Billy" question, Kurt in Los Angeles asks, "Did you hear about that nude photo of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis? Do you have it?"

As someone who collects celebrity nudes, I've seen many skin snaps featuring classic actors—like Yul Brynner, Warren Beatty, Burt Lancaster, etc. I don't know this item's "provenance" (as they say on Antiques Roadshow), but out of the blue someone found a photo of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis showering together—and showing all. I know they were partners, but this is ridiculous! Not that either looks particularly "happy." The seller, who made $4,400 from the eBay sale, said, "Photo from the Frank Branda collection who was a close friend and worked for Jerry in the 1950s & 1960s." Not as close as Dean and Jerry, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com .

When we're presenting a squeaky clean "Ask Billy" question, it's definitely time to end another column. Clearly I haven't lost my edge, as you'll see on BillyMasters.com—the site that crosses all boundaries. Not only are there certain things only I could ask, there are also things only I can answer. If you have one of those questions, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I'll get back to you before Colton washes his jeans. Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 607 times since Mon Apr 26, 2021
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