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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2020-11-09

This article shared 634 times since Mon Nov 9, 2020
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"My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over. Our Constitution works; our great republic is a government of laws and not of men. Here, the people rule."—Gerald Ford during his inaugural remarks. Who would have thought Gerald Ford would once again be relevant … or that we'd be looking back at him so wistfully?

I know you're all excited. But, please—STOP CELEBRATING. I know only a small percentage of my readers remember 1918—and God bless each and every one of you. For everyone else, let me share a little story. Back then, we had something called the Spanish flu. Sept. 28, 1918—Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly Love throws a parade to promote war bonds. As it happens, many people were undiagnosed with this flu. And so it begins. Nov. 11, 1918—San Francisco. After several weeks of vigilant lockdown and mask-wearing due to high infection rates back east, the City by the Bay gets cocky. They decide to throw a giant parade to celebrate Armistice Day. Precautions are eschewed. The flu ends up infecting 500 million people and killing between 20-50 million. So, keep your mask on, drink at home and wait to celebrate.

To recap: Biden won. But not by a landslide. Someone please remind me in four years to market myself as a pollster—a job which apparently requires no credentials and has no accountability or expectation of accuracy. What is still unknown is whether there will be a peaceful transition of power—but never have the words "don't count on it" been more apt. As with everything else in this unprecedented year, "unpresidential" is expected.

As all eyes are on Biden, I'm hopeful and cautiously optimistic. He told the Philadelphia Gay News, "I will make enactment of the Equality Act a top legislative priority during my first 100 days." While that sounds peachy, I'm OK with putting that on hold and getting some stimulus and unemployment money out to people who need it.

Other things happened in between the wall-to-wall election coverage. The View was pre-empted two days last week. I hope they made those calls before Joy started doing her hair and putting on her brassiere—that alone is a two-hour job. ABC is truly grooming Sara Haines to be the next Meredith Vieira. Not only is she back at The View full-time, she's also gonna host a game show! It's a domestic version of the UK hit The Chase—which already failed once, but I wish her well. I'd also like to date her hot gay brother—if that's not asking too much. Just putting it out there … and then putting it in there … and then taking it in there...

We celebrated Election Day on "Billy Masters LIVE" with a special episode featuring some fun moments from past guests, including Loni Anderson, Marilyn Maye, Michele Lee and Lainie Kazan. It ended up being one of our most popular shows—although, like Biden's win, I think it was more a reflection on the alternative. On Thursday, we focused on the upcoming benefit reading of Boys Don't Wear Lipstick, featuring playwright Brian Belovitch, director Everett Quinton, and two of the performers—Lena Hall and Jonny Beauchamp. Once again, ratings gold. Rather than reminding you to subscribe to Billy Masters TV on YouTube, I'll tell you to check out the benefit Nov. 9 at EmergingArtistsTheatre.org .

There's no rest for the weary—or the wicked. I just wrapped a rare pre-taped interview with Ed Asner. As you may recall, we attempted to speak with the legendary actor on "Billy Masters LIVE" a few weeks ago. The results were disastrous. Rather than risk more technical snafus, we sat down on our own time and surveyed his career in a chat which lasted well over two hours. That means both our Tuesday and Thursday shows this week will be devoted to Ed Asner—which will feature some rare clips of his early work. As always, you can watch it on our YouTube channel, or simply go to BillyMasters.com/TV. "Billy Masters LIVE"—where the stars play by day.

Our "Ask Billy" letter comes from Frankie in Chicago: "I can't believe you haven't talked about those new photos of Pietro Boselli. They may be his hottest ones ever."

If you're referring to the cover of King Kong Garcon, why would I talk about it here? On the other hand, you'd expect me to talk about a hot guy with a huge conch. Oh, yes: I said "conch." The world's hottest math teacher was photographed as Poseidon covering his cock with a conch. And, yes, that is the first time in 25 years I've gotten to say that...at least in print! To show I'm not shellfish (HA!), check out the pics on BillyMasters.com .

When I'm plunging into marine biology for a mathematician, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Since our Ed Asner show has been embargoed (as all newsworthy events are), I can only share one little tidbit. When I asked what inspires him and what keeps him going, he surprised me by saying he had not been looking forward to being interviewed by yours truly. Since this exchange occurred toward the end of two hours, I suspected there was a "but" coming. And it's a doozy. You can catch a glimpse of it on BillyMasters.com—the site that is known to give you more than a glimpse of things (even conches). For your other needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before El Presidente concedes. Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 634 times since Mon Nov 9, 2020
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