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Windy City Times 2023-12-13



Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

This article shared 961 times since Wed Apr 4, 2018
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"There is no hell. There is the disappearance of sinful souls. They are not punished. Those who repent obtain the forgiveness of God and enter the rank of souls who contemplate Him. But those who do not repent and cannot therefore be forgiven disappear."—Pope Francis makes heaven sound like a hot club. If you don't get past the velvet rope, you just wander around outside with the others. Been there, done that, met some great people. I'll take my chances.

I have about a month before I have to unexpectedly head overseas. But, don't ask me for details. All I can say is that my first stop will be London. But, that's it. I can disclose no more. Like Stormy Daniels and that bitch who bit Beyonce, I had to sign an NDA. Now, all I have to figure out is what to bring as a wedding gift. ( That was a hint. ) Here's what I'm thinking—what about offering the happy couple the chance to sleep in Nick Jonas' bed? Yes, you too can rent out Nick's tour bus for a mere $1,500—presumably that is the price sans Nick. But at least you'll be close enough to leave behind a note or a scent on some bedding.

You may have seen headlines that an ABC on-air reporter came out as HIV-positive. Certainly, the dashing Karl Schmid looks familiar in that way I can't quite place. I knew he was either a Facebook friend, someone I saw on TV or someone I had sex with. Then I went through the archives on and saw that two years ago, the irrepressible Carson Kressley was openly flirting with Karl post-Oscars and then tweeted him an invitation to go out. Schmid is a 37-year-old Aussie who is on Los Angeles' local ABC affiliate. He said he's wanted to come out earlier, but "industry professionals said, 'Don't! It'll ruin you.'".

So why now? He posted, "I'm me. I'm just like you. I have a big heart and I want to be loved and accepted. I may be on TV from time to time, but at the end of the day I'm just an average guy who wants what we all want. To be accepted and loved by our friends and family and to be encouraged by our peers. Labels are things that come and go but your dignity and who you are is what defines you. I know who I am. I know what I stand for and while in the past I may not have always had clarity, I do now. Love me or hate me, that's up to you. But, for anyone who has ever doubted themselves because of those scary three letters and one symbol, let me tell you this, you are somebody who matters." Bravo!

While one person came out, another kinda went back in. Remember Aaron Carter telling us that he's bisexual? Well ... maybe not so much. He said, "It was more so just a story that happened when I was like 17 with somebody. I can find men and women attractive, but when it comes down to it, I think it was a little misconstrued. I see myself being with a woman and having kids. I want to have a family. I keep telling people that. I don't want it to be misconstrued too much, just because I was open about a story." You know the only thing I got out of that statement? That "misconstrued" was the word of the day on his calendar!

Remember a few weeks ago when I told you that Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet had a "no-frontal nudity" clause in their contracts for Call Me By Your Name? Many of you said this was news to you. You know who else it was news to? Writer James Ivory! The Oscar winner was none too happy when he found out about this clause, saying, "Certainly in my screenplay there was all sorts of nudity. But according to Luca, both actors had it in their contract that there would be no frontal nudity, and there isn't, which I think is kind of a pity. Again, it's just this American attitude. Nobody seems to care that much, or be shocked, about a totally naked woman. It's the men." Originally, Ivory was supposed to write AND direct the flick. Wonder what his version would have been like!

I always enjoy talking about Pietro Boselli, the Italian model whose career got a jump start while he was teaching math at University College London. With each photo shoot, Pietro has been inching his way closer to posing completely nude. How far has he gotten? See the latest pics on .

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Jason in San Francisco: "I just saw Game Over, Man! and couldn't believe Adam DeVine was totally naked. Do you have pics? Was that all him? And what about that gay sex scene?"

For the benefit of my readers who have no idea what Jason is talking about, Game Over, Man! is a movie Netflix released last week. It's sorta like a cross between The Hangover, Die Hard and one of the later Cheech and Chong efforts. It is true—Adam DeVine goes full-frontal. He also goes full backal. That leads to more conversation about buttholes than I thought straight men had—but what do I know? Anyway, he is hiding in a closet, not wearing any pants and faking death by autoerotic asphyxiation when two hit men come into the hotel room and decide to have sex! It'll all make sense if you ever watch the film! Aside from DeVine, my attention was captured by the sight of the sizzling Steve Howey, who is playing one of the two hit men. Of course, we've seen him nude before in Shameless, but it bears repeating. You can see the full scene on .

When DeVine is going where Hammer and Chalamet didn't, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Maybe that Call Me By Your Name sequel should just go to Netflix—it doesn't seem to back away from a little dick. The same could be said of . If you have a question, send it along to, and I promise to get back to you before I tell my British host I'm allergic to corgis! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

This article shared 961 times since Wed Apr 4, 2018
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