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  NIGHTSPOTS

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2016-09-07

This article shared 556 times since Wed Sep 7, 2016
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"And I was like, 'Hmm ... right, what were you thinking? Seriously, what were you thinking?'"—Miranda Kerr reveals what she said to ex Orlando Bloom when he texted her to say some nude photos of him would be coming out. I'm surprised she didn't say, "Been there, done that."

The Go-Go's have played a big role in my life. Even though they broke up ( for the first time ) shortly after I entered high school, they reunited by the time I got to college. Not only had I realized I was gay, but I realized that they were gay icons. ( Well, seeing Sara Gilbert at the shows kinda solidified it. )

The girls often call themselves one big dysfunctional family, and as I've gotten to know them, I can confirm that's pretty accurate. Like most families, they've had their ups and downs. But what I've always admired is that they've never made a secret of the problems. Every time they fought, we knew they'd eventually get back together. They never called any of their shows a farewell—until now. The "GOing, GOing, GONE" tour came six years after Belinda Carlisle first broached the idea of disbanding. In retrospect, she may have been onto something. The girls may sound and look better than ever, but we currently have only four-fifths of the band. Kathy Valentine was jettisoned three years ago—the most public schism yet. Since Kathy's ouster, the band has continued with fabulous bassist Abby Travis. But for purists, it's not exactly the same—something I'm sure Bangles devotees felt when Abby replaced Michael Steele.

So I went into the final shows with mixed emotions. At this point, the group is a well-oiled machine, and its set included all of the hits and a few rarities ( including some which were only for die-hard fans ). The tour poetically wrapped up at the Greek Theatre in Los Angeles—the site of the band's landmark "Wild at the Greek" concert in 1984. This was not a weepy, maudlin farewell, but a celebration. The capacity crowd danced and screamed for the full 90-minute concert, and the girls seemed to be having a blast. Still, I couldn't help but notice that just before the final bow, Belinda Carlisle stopped for a moment, scanned the audience and took it all in. She was the first to quietly slip away. After the show, the girls hosted a reception for family and friends. While most of the band were extremely accessible ( including an incandescent Carlisle ), Jane Wiedlin needed some time to herself before celebrating. It should be noted that gay luminaries Tab Hunter and Greg Louganis were there to join in the fun.

One postscript—despite the bad blood between Kathy Valentine and the group, she still responded to a post on Belinda's Instagram account: "Sad not to be there! I loved my 32 years in the Go-Go's and hope for a great reunion at the RRHOF [Rock and Roll Hall of Fame]!! love to all the fans and my former band." Carlisle quickly wrote back, "And we send our love to you." Something to look forward to...

This week, we have a gay bachelor hitting the airwaves, courtesy of Logo's Finding Prince Charming. By now, you all know that you could have had him as your own Prince Charming if you ponied up $250 an hour! Yes, Robert Sepulveda was a hooker—and he's sheepishly admitted it. Word has it Logo was caught completely off-guard, and an unnamed source claims, "Nothing came up during the background check. The network didn't find out until well into production." These things don't happen on ABC's The Bachelor, a show run by Mike Fleiss, who knows a thing or two about hookers! While Sepulveda isn't hiding from his former profession, he feels "the past is the past"—which might be the case were it not for those videos. Oh, yes: In addition to the photos we have published showing his self-proclaimed "fat uncut 10-inch cock," there are videos of a more graphic nature. Yes, we get the obligatory masturbation video, which no hooker should be without. But then there's that video that quenches other thirsts. I dare not say more in a family publication, but you can see all on BillyMasters.com .

Nobody is immune to criticism—gay or straight. Take Tom Daley ... please! In the upcoming documentary Diving For Gold ( they might want to rethink that title ), he says, "I don't think I would be diving if I hadn't met Lance." However, many athletes have said that having any relationship can be a distraction when preparing for the Olympics. Then there was an internet troll called Christian Voice who wrote, "Turning gay doesn't seem to have done Tom Daley any favours at #Rio2016." What that person probably didn't count on was getting a response from JK Rowling: "Can't decide which is more offensive in this tweet, the stupidity or the spite."

Then there's the Olympic heartbreak of Japanese pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita. In a story that Matt and Meredith inexplicably missed, Hiroki came awfully close to clearing the 5.3-meter pole he was attempting to vault, until his penis grazed the top of the bar. Just goes to show sometimes you can get into trouble with just the tip!

In an announcement that may send oodles of my fans to Switzerland, a new coffee shop will be opening in Geneva by the end of the year called The Fellatio Cafe. And, yes, you can get a cup of coffee and a side of a blow job! Damn, those Swiss think of EVERYTHING! The cafe is based on similar shops in Thailand. Well, if we're using that as our barometer, I wonder where they will find enough pre-pubescent baristas. In touting the high quality of the service, the company mouthpiece ( so to speak ) said, "In five or 10 minutes, it's all over." And after nine cups, the tenth is free!

When baristas are making foam the old fashioned way, it'd definitely time to end yet another column. Believe it or not, we just celebrated the 21st anniversary of this column. It's ironic that as I'm inching closer to becoming an AARP member, the column is finally legal! But, that means you have two decades of dish to read on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that doesn't look its age! Although we didn't have room for an "Ask Billy" question, you can still write to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Hollywood starts scouring death row to find a serial killer to star in a film about Jeffrey Dahmer! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 556 times since Wed Sep 7, 2016
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