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Windy City Times 2023-12-13



Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

This article shared 1346 times since Wed Aug 31, 2016
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"I look like a scrotum now."—Hugh Grant discusses the downside of being 55 years old. But he also had difficulties with his looks when he was younger: "I remember when I used to go on a French exchange in Paris and all the locals called me 'mademoiselle' because they thought I was a girl." At least he didn't look like a girl with a scrotum!

I read a provocative headline last week: "Leonardo DiCaprio Passes Hillary Clinton To Justin Timberlake." I had visions of them all at a key party—you know, when you toss your key in a bowl and randomly pick your next sexual partner. Well, it happens at parties I go to! Anyway, turns out that DiCaprio was supposed to host a Clinton fundraiser in Hollywood. For reasons too murky to go into here, Leo passed hosting duties along to Justin Timberlake. Talk about swapping up!

It's been an up-and-down couple of weeks for Ryan Lochte. I know this will shock you, but I feel sorry for him. Yes, he lied to his mom to cover up a wild night out, she blabbed to the press and then he had to stand by the story publicly. I'm not excusing him, but it's not like he was Tonya Harding handing someone a crowbar! A far greater crime was that terrible hair at the Olympics—someone ought to prosecute him for that. But, no, the Brazilian authorities have summoned him back to Rio de Janeiro to face charges of false report of robbery. Can't he just send a check? Hasn't he been through enough?

In a smart move, Lochte has signed on to compete on the new season of Dancing with the Stars. Unless he dances like Geraldo Rivera, he should be safe for a few weeks and maybe garner a bit of public support. And he certainly needs a paycheck, since his four endorsement deals have fallen through. But there's some good news—Ryan has been signed as spokesperson for my cough drops of choice—Pine Bros. ( you know, those ones that are so sticky, they will pull the crowns out of your mouth ). The cough drop company said, "Just as Pine Bros. is forgiving to your throat, the company asks the public for a little forgiveness for an American swimming legend." But I've come up with a better slogan—"Coat your throat with Ryan Lochte and Pine Bros."

Logo has finally confirmed something I told you weeks ago—that Robert Sepulveda is the star of their upcoming dating show Finding Prince Charming, which debuts Sept. 8, with Lance Bass hosting. Now, I'm not exactly sure who is the prince and who is doing the looking. Is Robert Prince Charming? Or is he looking for his Prince Charming? Perhaps he'll open the show by singing, "Someday my prince will come"—which could have all sorts of new implications for a gaggle of gay guys!

As I previously told you, Sepulveda had a past—but I had no idea how colorful it was. I knew that he had been cast on Bravo's Most Eligible—New York back in 2011. I also knew that he had some sort of a relationship with designer Marc Jacobs. But now we've discovered that his past also includes a foray into the world's oldest profession. Far be it from me to cast aspersions on a hooker. After all, he's hot and was able to get paid for it—good for him. This was back around 2006 in Fort Lauderdale—which fits the details of his life we already know. He was working under the name Vincent Romen and was advertising on the now-defunct . We also know that he was charging $250 an hour and $1,500 for overnight. With those prices, he's gonna break Logo's budget! What do they get for that money? Well, he describes himself as having a "fat uncut 10-inch cock" and, from the rather graphic photos that have fallen into our hands, he's much more than a handful. Not only does he have a big dick, but he might very well be a big dick, too. One reviewer ( yes, hookers get reviews ) claims that Sepulveda refused to see him, saying, "I don't like African-American men!" This does not bode well for the three Black contestants! But, you can skip the show and see every inch of him on .

Last week, Bella Thorne came out as bisexual—an announcement I might have cared about if I had a clue who Bella Thorne is. But one part of the story intrigued me—she may or may not be dating her brother's ex-girlfriend! Not only is she dating her brother's ex, but his ex's name is ... get ready for it ... Bella! Sigh—just what I needed, two Bellas who I don't know anything about ( or care about, for that matter ).

Little Jaden Smith is topping his dad, so to speak—he's kissing a guy in the musical series The Get Down, which is Baz Luhrmann's project on Netflix. In the teaser clip that just went online, Jaden is at a gay bar ( bear in mind he's 18 ) and kisses Noah Le Gros. The irony is that his dad, Will Smith, famously refused to kiss another guy in the film Six Degrees of Separation, saying, "I can't be kissed, because it will gross out my fans."

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Roger in London: "Have you watched any of Celebrity Big Brother [UK]? There are a couple of hot guys, and I hear Lewis Bloor just showed his penis. Could you track it down?"

This column is filled with people I've never heard of. And here's another one. Lewis Bloor is known for being on one of those "scripted reality shows" called "The Only Way is Essex." The 26-year-old is awfully handsome, has a great body and, as it turns out, an amazingly large penis! Before leaving the Big Brother house, he decided to flash his housemates—and he made sure he was erect when he did it! He may be a foreigner, but you won't need a passport to see him on .

When we're delivering the BIG in Big Brother, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This week, I'm on the West Coast on the final dates of The Go-Go's farewell tour. I'm sure I'll have something to say about that next week on—the site that ain't going anywhere! If you have a question, send it along to me at, and I promise to get back to you before we find out how many contestants on Finding Prince Charming were also hookers! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

This article shared 1346 times since Wed Aug 31, 2016
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