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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2016-08-24

This article shared 998 times since Wed Aug 24, 2016
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"And while my sister Madonna wanders around Cuba in a red caddy ... lets hope that she remembers the oppression of the press, political opposition, the gay community and the anti hero Che....who was just as brutal and murderous as Stalin....he just didn't have as many people to kill...thats all."—Christopher Ciccone's Facebook post about Madonna visiting Cuba. Frankly, I'd rather take my chances pissing off Castro than Chris' sister!

Last week was Big Mama Masters' 75th birthday. As the dutiful son, I wielded what little clout I have and arranged to bring her to see Barbra Streisand in Boston. We were seated on the floor about halfway back—choice seats. Halfway through the first act, she excitedly whispered, "I wish I could see her up close." From that point onward, I could hear her wheels turning, and half expected to see my mother crawling onstage behind the percussion section! During the intermission, I brought her to meet the director ( and benefactor of our tickets ), Richard Jay-Alexander. He said he was happy to make it a special birthday and hoped she was having a great time. My ever-gracious mother said, "It's wonderful—I just wish I could see Barbra up close." RJA was somewhat taken aback. "But you're pretty close to the stage, and you can also look up at the monitors." "Yes," said Mama, "but I mean up close like I am to you!" And you people wonder where I got my balls?!

All hell broke loose in Rio, and you surely don't need me to recap what Ryan Lochte refers to as his "immature tantics!" But a key part of this kerfuffle has gotten lost in the shuffle—and it's a part I can definitely identify with. The whole thing got started because Lochte's mother has loose lips! Okay, she didn't ask to sit next to Streisand, but she's the first one who told reporters Ryan had been held up at gunpoint. Why Ryan told his mother this fib is a mystery—I suspect he was trying to cover up why he was out so late and came home drunk ( something else I'm sure we can all relate to ). Once all is said and done, there are only two important points: 1 ) Ryan has finally dyed his hair back to a semi-natural color, and B ) he's still hot and we'd all fuck him—at gunpoint, if necessary!

Let's move swiftly along to Danell Leyva, the U.S. gymnast I previously reported about ( and shared several skin shots of, which you can find on BillyMasters.com ). At the Rio Gymnastics Gala following the competition, Danell took the "exhibition" part literally. Shortly after he mounted ( so to speak ) the parallel bars, he stood on top of them doing what looked like a samba ... and then took off his top. While it was hot, it wasn't as sizzling as when Russian gymnast Alexei Nemov took off his top before pommeling the horse at the Atlanta Olympic Expo in 1996.

Although NBC did not acknowledge Dustin Lance Black sitting with Tom Daley's mom during the synchronized diving at the beginning of the Olympics, they did point him out during the platform diving near the end of the fortnight: "For three Olympics, we've seen Tom Daley with Team Daley. His mom has been a constant presence. Now with his fiance, who Tom refers to as Lance, Dustin Lance Black, Academy Award-winning screenwriter for the very powerful film Milk." Who says social media ( and Billy Masters ) can't change the world? Or a Streisand concert? Nonetheless, it was ultimately a disappointing time in Rio for Daley. He broke the Olympic record in the platform diving preliminaries, only to finish last in the semifinals the following day. He vows to come back in four years.

As I told you weeks ago, I Am Cait has officially been cancelled by E! Due to the cancellation, Caitlyn Jenner will return to Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Wouldn't it be nice if real life were like reality TV? The way to bring broken families back together is to simply cancel someone's show!

The Kardashian klan was also in the news because of the lyrics of a song by The Game—whoever that is. In his single "Sauce," he says, "I used to fuck bitches that Usher Raymond passed off, then I fucked three Kardashians, hold that thought." I guess it's only column-worthy if one of those Kardashians was Caitlyn. Here's hoping...

A reality star with actual ties to our community is Nyle DiMarco—he of the fluid sexuality. The Dancing with the Stars champ will soon become a Chippendale. He'll be hosting the all-male dance troupe's show at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas Sept. 22-Oct. 16. He said, "Chippendales is an iconic brand and legendary show—headlining a production like this with such a talented cast of performers is a once-in-a-lifetime experience!"

I have known David Hernandez since his time on American Idol. We've performed at gay pride festivals, we've hung out socially and we've talked about almost everything. And somehow, I never realized he wasn't openly gay. Oops! Well, he's out now. Last week, he released the single "Beautiful", and used it as a platform to open up about his private life. Not only is the song beautiful, but so is the video. Hernandez explained the message: "If you're missing a leg, you're still beautiful. If you're overweight, you're still beautiful. If you are 75 years old, you're still beautiful. That's why I wanted to share my own story as a gay man." And, David, you are beautiful.

This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Gary in New York: "With all these hot Olympians and rumors of rampant sex in the village, how is it possible you haven't gotten any nude photos or videos? You're slipping!"

You may slip off the keyboard watching the jerk-off videos we got featuring Brazilian gymnasts Arthur Zanetti ( silver medal, rings ), Arthur Mariano ( bronze medal, floor exercises ) and Sergio Sasaki. Mariano is the most provocative. He's nude and fully erect ( and substantially erect ). He appears to be Skyping with a female friend when a rather hot teammate wanders into the bathroom. To fill in the gaps, check out BillyMasters.com .

When the Brazilians are sweeping the medals in masturbation, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Once again, happy birthday, Mama. And to all of you out there, always be good to mothers—because they will give birth to your ex-boyfriends of tomorrow! And be sure to check out www.BillyMasters.com—the mother of all gossip sites. If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before David Hernandez starts dating a one-legged, overweight, 75-year-old gay man! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 998 times since Wed Aug 24, 2016
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