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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2016-05-25

This article shared 2234 times since Wed May 25, 2016
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"I'm not opposed to anything. But if you're gonna pull your dick out, it'd better be from an Academy Award-winning movie."—Zac Efron lets us know what it would take to see him naked on film, which I'm guessing means he'll never appear naked on film—unless in some alternate universe, Neighbors 2 is considered an art film!

I'd like to kick off this week with a story I'm sure will resonate with the bulk of my readers. A European study has proven that the more you masturbate, the longer you'll live. And you know what that means? People with a membership to BillyMasters.com will outlive everyone! Suddenly that $5 a month moves from the Entertainment column to the Health column of your budget! You're welcome.

Last week, my native Boston was the site of the nation's first genitourinary vascularized composite allograft transplant—commonly referred to as the first successful penis transplant. This was done at Massachusetts General Hospital. And, in one of those coincidences I find fascinating, the head of the team was also instrumental in the first hand transplant four years ago—and if you don't think the hand and penis go together, then you aren't paying attention. Thus far, the organ has not been rejected—which is quite an accomplishment for any penis in Boston. Although we're not sure where the organ came from, I think it's safe to assume that the donor was just some stiff.

File this story under "You Think You Have Problems." Back in March, a man in Seattle was pissed off after being jilted by his Grindr hookup. According to reports, Alik Lebedev went to the home of a guy he was chatting with on the popular hookup app. When he arrived, the guy offered him a glass of water ... and then asked him to leave. OK, we've all been there. I was actually asked to watch the potatoes cooking on the stove while two guys I was there to have sex with started without me. So, I feel your pain. Shortly after Alik left, the guy sent him another text inviting him back. ( That part never happened to me. ) When Alik returned, he brought a gun ( also, something I never considered ).

According to the victim, Alik wanted his cash, watches and credit cards, and then made him delete the Grindr conversation before taking his SIM card and leaving. But remember that glass of water? The glass had enough DNA for the police to track him down. Since real life doesn't work as quickly as TV, it took two months for police to get a match. When they did, police went to pick up Lebedev, who barricaded himself inside his home and threatened to shoot. At the end of the eight-hour ordeal, Alik tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the chest. Alas, his suicide attempt was as successful as his sex life. He's currently in jail awaiting trial.

You know who else is looking for sex? The characters in Looking. And we'll find out what happened to them in the upcoming farewell movie. HBO has announced that the feature-length finale will premiere July 23. Reportedly, the film picks up one year after Jonathan Groff's character left San Francisco. Everyone seems to be wondering who will come back—hopefully, Scott Bakula stops by. A bigger question is, will the few viewers who stuck with the show 'til it limped to the end of season two even care to see how it all wraps up? Stay tuned...

A couple of weeks ago, my dear friend Jenifer Lewis sent me a video of her singing with Brandy and Roz Ryan in her kitchen. It was an informal gathering of the divas—I'm told Roz brought fish. The ditty, improvised on the spot, was to the words, "I don't want nobody fucking with me in these streets"—only a snippet of a song, but one that could become a gutsy gospel anthem. I forgot about it until a handful of fans sent me a link to the same video this past week—and it's now had over 18 MILLION views! Not only that, but scores of people have filmed their own version of the song, including Lee Daniels and Jussie Smollett. Check them out on BillyMasters.com .

Speaking of divas, Barbra Streisand just announced that she'll be going on tour this summer in support of her upcoming CD Encore: Movie Partners Sing Broadway. The tour, subtitled "The Music...The Mem'ries...The Magic!", includes nine cities from Los Angeles to Toronto, Canada. Reportedly, each show will include special guests to be announced at a later date.

More details are coming out regarding Bette Midler's upcoming Hello, Dolly! on Broadway. Her Horace will be that inimitable ladies' man, David Hyde Pierce. The show will play the Shubert Theatre, where "Matilda, The Musical" is the current tenant. Previews will begin on March 13, 2017, and opening night will be April 20.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Richard in Miami: "You've talked about Nyle [DiMarco] from America's Next Top Model. What about Dustin McNeer? He's absolutely stunning and always seems to be showing off."

To put it mildly. But first, let's address who Dustin is. He competed on ANTM during Nyle's season. In fact, Nyle made a point of saying that Dustin was the only contestant who made an effort to learn sign language in order to communicate with him. Let's all say it together: Awwww. Was he flirting? Is he gay? Or just a tease? The jury's out, but one thing is certain—he likes attention. And he's been getting it by leaking some tasteful nudes since last December—not that I'm complaining. We've even received a couple of videos of him in the shower, and who am I to deny you those? A tasteful and yet explicit mouthful awaits you at BillyMasters.com .

When models are leaking, it's time to grab a mop and end yet another column. Wow, we really ran the gamut this week—from transplanted privates to leaking privates. For those interested in penii, this certainly is a varied collection—one of the many joys to partake of at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that uncovers only the best. If you have a question—or a story to leak—send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before we see if a membership to BillyMasters.com could be covered under Obamacare—or at the very least, count as a health-related deduction. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2234 times since Wed May 25, 2016
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