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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

This article shared 1798 times since Wed May 4, 2016
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"He loved to play with his snake."—Gloria Vanderbilt tells Andy Cohen what her son Anderson Cooper was like as a child.

After watching 20/20's report on the new book by the father of David Miscavige, head of the so-called Church of Scientology, one impression was seared into my brain. In the numerous photos they showed of Miscavige and Tom Cruise, Tom towers over David. Now, we know Tom Cruise is on the border of being a little person—in fact, I'm not entirely convinced he would be allowed to ride on Space Mountain. So, how short does that make David Miscavige? If a movie of his life is made, would he be played by Peter Dinklage?

You've all heard that Kelly Ripa did eventually return to "Live!"—but she did it on her terms. Michael Strahan will no longer be staying until he starts full-time at Good Morning America in September; his last day is now May 13. Ironically enough, last weekend the duo won the Daytime Emmy for best talk-show hosts for the second year in a row. And thus ends the streak.

As to his replacement, my sources confirm that the short list is the two people who were candidates the last time: Anderson Cooper and Neil Patrick Harris. For NPH, it would be a step in the right direction after his variety-show disaster. But it would be quite limiting in terms of future acting. Anderson is a better fit, on many levels. And, as it happens, his CNN contract is up at the end of the year. Perhaps ABC could sweeten the deal by throwing in a position in its news division ( a division replete with gays ). Plus, Anderson would get to spend every day working with his best friend, Ripa. When asked by Andy Cohen if he would take the job, Cooper said, "Look—I'm very happy at CNN. It would be a dream to work with Kelly, but nobody's offering anything." Yet.

This leads to yet another update from Cooper. Last week, I told you about his older brother Christopher's 40-year estrangement from the family. Cohen asked Cooper about his relationship with his older brothers, and the silver fox made this seemingly innocent statement: "It's good. Stan is a great guy and I'm close with his kids. And Chris has come back in my mom's life and, um, so, it's good." Sounds like the documentary helped bridge this four-decade gap—good news for the 92-year-old Gloria Vanderbilt. And just in the nick of time.

Remind me to find out what makeup mirror Carly Fiorina uses. I certainly don't want to be one of the many people out there saying that she looks like a starving jackal. Frankly, I don't care what my politicians look like—unless I'm fucking them. But the current VP on the "not a snowball's chance in hell" ticket just revealed why she was sacked by HP: "Of course, the fact that I'm beautiful didn't help me at all. ... I can tell you from personal experience, however, that the general opinion that beautiful people have it easier in life is a great misconception." Uh, OK.

Caitlyn Jenner took Donald Trump up on his offer. She went to Trump Tower and used the ladies' room to pee. And she filmed it. And she posted it online! Well, why wouldn't she? Isn't that how Kim got famous? Actually, it's probably the one hole Ray J didn't use!

We've got some casting news for the TV version of Hairspray. As predicted, Harvey Fierstein will immortalize his Edna for posterior ... er, posterity. Jennifer Hudson will be playing Motormouth—so apparently those two characters are no longer contemporaries. Martin Short will play Edna's husband and Derek Hough, the boy who just can't say no, will play Corny Collins. Harvey tweeted: "Marty Short is going to marry me! I am pumped. Marty will be my husband and Derek will be my...Well, we've got time to figure that out. HA!" HA is right! The open call for potential Tracys brought out thousands of candidates, so we expect some news in the next few weeks.

And now, some news that will be music to your ears. Chris Isaacson, producer of oodles of fabulous shows in the Los Angeles area, has announced a reunion of the original stars of Dreamgirls. Yes—Sheryl Lee Ralph, Loretta Devine and Jennifer Holliday will be joining forces for "one night only" on July 10 at the Ford Amphitheatre in Hollywood. We don't know how much of the show they'll do since it is billed as a reunion "for conversation and song." A portion of the proceeds will benefit The Actor's Fund and Sheryl Lee's DIVA Foundation. You can get tix and info at .

Hundreds of you have been writing me asking the same question. Since Jim in Orlando wrote first, he's got our "Ask Billy" question: "Everyone is talking about John Barrowman's hot husband Scott showing all on a video, but by the time I went to see it, it was gone. HELP!"

With a penis that large, cutting it out would leave a HUGE gap in the video—although we hear it fills a HUGE gap elsewhere. Here's the story. John Barrowman was doing a live video chat from his hot tub in Palm Springs, and Scott Gill walked into the background completely naked and—I dare say—somewhat fluffed. Personally, I think it was planned. Anyhoo, Barrowman feigned shock, Gill jumped in the water and we never saw the penis again ( although Barrowman did get Scott to jump up so people could see his "arse" ). Johnny said, "I have to be careful or he'll stand up and wangadangdang"—which I suppose is the technical word for it. But those of us swift of action managed to snag the full video, and you can see every inch of its impressive glory on .

When Barrowman's beau needs a wheelbarrow, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This could be a first—the first time we have the penises of both guys in a relationship ... at least where both guys are not in gay porn. And you can see them on, the site where you can get your wang dang doodle, all night long. While you're online, feel free to drop me a note at, and I promise to get back to you before Mrs. Muir bends over backwards ( and forwards ) to get Anderson to join ABC News. To my Albanian fans out there, Krishti u ngjall. To the Greeks, Christos anesti. And to everyone else, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.

This article shared 1798 times since Wed May 4, 2016
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