Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2016-01-13

This article shared 3880 times since Wed Jan 13, 2016
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


"Can I just ask you a question? What the fuck does sugar tits even mean?"—The bleeped question from Ricky Gervais to Mel Gibson at the Golden Globes. What was his response? "I dunno. Ask the guy who said it, it wasn't me." A likely story!

Look, I loves me some Jane Fonda as much as the next gay man. But why does she always look so pissed off? Perhaps she has a different sense of humor—kinda like that laugh-out-loud comedy, The Martian! Every time the camera showed Jane, she had a martini in her hand—you'd think that would loosen her up a little. Even the new first and second ladies of comedy, Eva Longoria and America Ferrera, couldn't get Fonda to even chuckle!

Yes, we're talking Golden Globes—briefly. ( I just got home and I'm exhausted. ) If you ask me, J.Lo looked like the runner-up for Miss Universe. Or the winner. I can't keep track. I was thrilled that many of my favorite shows and people won awards. That said, how in God's name did Lady Gaga not only get nominated but actually win? It does put the Pia Zadora scandal of 1982 into perspective. And, why does she have such enormous difficulty walking? Eh, probably because she's used to traveling by egg! Before we move on, a special shout-out to my dear Taraji—and thanks for the cookie, Cookie!

You may have heard that Colton Haynes outed himself on Tumblr—words I never thought I'd utter ( or type ). For those of you who have no idea who Colton Haynes is, he's an actor currently on Arrow and was previously on Teen Wolf—suffice it to say, he's more People's Choice Awards than Golden Globes. He started out as a model, most notably posing affectionately in various forms of undress with other nubile lads in XY magazine.

The whole kerfuffle got refluffed Jan. 2, when someone posted on Tumblr "when I found out colton haynes had a secret gay past i got so excited even though i know it makes absolutely no difference in my life." Haynes reposted the original comment and then said, "Was it a secret? Let's all just enjoy life & have no regrets : )"—and there were lots of silly emojis that I thought only teenage girls used. In his Teen Wolf days, he was less laid back. I recall many websites receiving letters threatening legal action from Haynes' attorney if the XY photos were not removed. Since I never kowtow to such demands, those photos can still be seen on BillyMasters.com .

Hypocrisy is not limited to the entertainment industry. Last week, Christian family vlogger Austin Null found himself in quite a pickle—by showing off his pickle. Since I had no idea who this guy was, let's start with that. Null has a YouTube channel called Nive Nulls, which is described as a "Los Angeles-based, fun vlogging family, who show their crazy daily lives in an entertaining and fast-paced way." He's also described as having "an upbeat personality that's nothing short of infectious."

All his professional web infections apparently spilled over into his personal life. Turns out, this married, holier-than-thou zealot has been having some sort of webcam affair with ( presumably ) a woman. He posted a very special vlog with his wife Britt called "We Need To Talk." They talked about the nude photos of Austin that have surfaced—including some which show him being "inappropriate" with some household objects! Austin admits to having an "online affair" for five months during Britt's pregnancy! He's stopped the affair, confessed to Britt and is in counseling. So how did the photos and videos go public? We don't know, but his lawyers have threatened legal action against anybody publishing the material. And once again, we throw our head back and laugh—ha, ha—as we post them on BillyMasters.com .

That Sean Penn is smarter than he looks—well, he'd have to be. He scheduled his 5th Annual Help Haiti Home Gala in Beverly Hills on the eve of the Golden Globes. And it just happened to coincide with the night off of his ex-wife, Madonna. Madge rambled on a bit, lapsed in and out of an accent that one cannot pinpoint with GPS, and then whipped out a ukulele. Even though I knew what was coming, I still shuddered—much as I did during the Drowned World Tour where she showed off the three chords she learned. ( The cursed ukulele was later auctioned off for $300K. ) Madonna announced that she'd sing "La Vie en Rose" with "my bad Parisian pronunciations." Not only am I not convinced that it was a Parisian accent—I am not sure I could identify it as French! But, here's my favorite part of her introduction: "If you know the words, please sing along. I've been known to forget the words occasionally—I have a lot on my mind." You know who has a lot on their mind? The people in HAITI! You can check out the video on our website.

Our "Ask Billy" question is kinda apropos of the Golden Globes. Gary in Providence said: "I think Eddie Redmayne is SO hot. Did we actually get a glimpse of his penis in The Danish Girl?"

Leave it to my readers to distill a movie with social relevance down to the lowest common denominator. And leave it to me to not only run the question, but answer it. Yes, when Eddie's character is fantasizing about what it would be like to live as a woman, he tucks his penis betwixt his legs. But briefly, ever so briefly, we get a glimpse of the goods. And we'll share that glimpse with you on BillyMasters.com .

When we're able to slip in a glimpse of penis, it's definitely time to end yet another column. As we go to press, we want to acknowledge the death of David Bowie. But perhaps mourning is premature. After all, last month he released a CD called "Blackstar" and featured a song, "Lazarus". If he rises from the dead, you'll hear about it first on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never misses a resurrection - or any other kind of erection! If you have a question for you, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Fonda cracks a smile! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 3880 times since Wed Jan 13, 2016
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

SHOWBIZ Celine Dion, 'The People's Joker,' Billy Porter, Patti LuPone, 'Strange Way'
2024-04-19
I Am: Celine Dion will stream on Prime Video starting June 25, according to a press release. The film is described as follows: "Directed by Academy Award nominee Irene Taylor, I Am: Celine Dion gives us ...


Gay News

Theater Review: Billy Elliot, The Musical
2024-02-19
Book and Lyrics: Lee Hall; Music: Elton John. At: Paramount Theatre, 23 E. Galena Blvd., Aurora Tickets: 630-896-6666 or Paramountaurora.com; $28-$79. Runs through March 24 Billy Elliot: The Musical may nearly be two decades old, but ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Kelly Clarkson, Billy Porter and Luke Evans, 'All of Us,' 'Book of Mormon'
2024-01-05
Video below - At Kelly Clarkson's "Chemistry: An Intimate Evening" residency show in Las Vegas, two men got married with the help of the singer/talk-show host as a witness, EW.com noted. In an audience video from the show, fans ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The tea that got spilled in 2023
2023-12-26
"No offense, but you look like Billy Masters." —I don't know which part of this quip from a stranger insulted me more—that he didn't realize I am Billy Masters, or he thought someone would take offense ...


Gay News

MOVIES Bill Oliver reflects on a queer couple's custody fight in 'Our Son'
2023-12-21
In the compelling, intimate movie Our Son (in theaters and available via streaming), Luke Evans and Billy Porter portray a married couple in which one of them decides to file for divorce. However, this is no ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Barry Manilow really was just interested in the articles
2023-12-19
"I wouldn't be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. I'm never going to change my mind. They can just go you-know-what themselves." —Cher tells Kelly Clarkson her thoughts on being snubbed by ...


Gay News

LGBTQ+ baseball executives announce cancer battles
2023-12-13
Openly gay Major League Baseball (MLB) executive Billy Bean announced he has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and that he needs a donor for a bone-marrow transplant, Gay City News noted. USA Today initially reported ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Fun messiness from the Ladies of the '80s
2023-12-12
"Everybody wants a bf like Timothée Chalamet...until it's time to change a tire." —Meghan McCain. OK, so she only retweeted it. But I'm filled with the spirit of giving. Alas, I suspect Timmy could only ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The icing on the cake at a gender-reveal party
2023-12-05
"To hell with this place!"—George Santos's parting comments after being ejected from Congress. He also said that Congress "is full of felons galore." At least, that's what I think he said. With his lisp, it sounded ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The Dolly Cowboy Cheerleaders
2023-11-28
Whoever intended to dumb down the citizens of America have done a FANTASTIC job. We are dumb as shit!"—Patti LuPone in an interview with broadcaster Tom Power prior to her touring show Don't Monkey with Broadway ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Billy Porter, queer novel, 'Tammy Faye,' queer DJ, Bella Ramsey
2023-11-24
Billy Porter released his long-awaited new album, Black Mona Lisa, via Island Records UK/Republic Records, and it's executive-produced by Justin Tranter, a press release noted. Porter said, "So many of the songs on my album have ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Was Kim Kardashian officiating your wedding worth it?
2023-11-20
I'd hoped to never again type the word "Jada" again. But this week, it's inevitable. It is being alleged that actor Duane Martin (don't feel bad—I had to look him up as well) slept with Will ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: The times Streisand failed to make a splash
2023-11-13
"Fame is a hollow trophy. No matter who you are, you can only eat one pastrami sandwich at a time."—Wise words from Barbra Streisand. You all know that Barbra Streisand's book is out. And I ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Barbra's bio hits stores...but don't rain on Cher's parade either
2023-11-07
"I will be forced to be in a position where I will have to openly say how I feel about the film and go against you, my mother and this film publicly."—Lisa Marie Presley's e-mail to director Sofia Coppola after reading ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Britney spills the tea
2023-10-31
"Brad Pitt, I think, in 'Troy'. That's a beautiful man. There's no denying it."—Jacob Elordi tells Jimmy Fallon his first celebrity crush. (If you can't place Jacob, you'll soon see him playing Elvis Presley in Sofia ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.