"The audience, for the most part, is awake because they're bobbing up and down all the time. And we sit there, stone-faced, sober judges. But we're notat least I wasn't100% sober, because before we went to the State of the Union, we had dinner together."Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg explains why she was dozing off during the State of the Union address. Apparently, Justice Kennedy brought wine to dinner, and Ruth just couldn't resist.
So far, this Brian Williams kerfuffle seems to me like much ado about nothing. Of course, it is entirely possible that he's a pathological liar. But ponder this: Do you want to live in a world where Brian Williams is stifled while Billy Masters is in his 20th uninterrupted year of bringing you the news every week?
Many of my readers have been waiting with baited breath for 50 Shades of Grey. There's quite a bit of hoo-ha about the lack of male nudity in the film adaptation of the bestseller. Sure, there could be some shots of Jamie Dornan walking around with his naughty bits jingling and jangling about ( a la Michael Fassbender in Shame ). But I must admit that nothing takes me out of the moment more than watching a filmed sex scene and catching a glimpse of the male lead's flaccid penis. So what are the alternatives? I mean, there's only so many movies that can star Chloë Sevigny! I suppose the producers could ask the actor to get aroused, but I believe that's against SAG rules. And since sagging is against my rules, I say it's better to see nothing. Unless, of course, you want to see Jamie Dornan's flaccid penis, in which case you should check out BillyMasters.com .
I confess, I haven't watched The Slap. But I know enough about it to unequivocally be on the side of the slapper.
Laverne Cox shows no sign of slowing down. Sure, the Orange Is the New Black actress made history by being the first openly transgender actor to be nominated for an Emmy, but that's just the beginning. In addition to her work on the Netflix series and Logo documentaries, she's just been cast in a CBS pilot where she'll play a transgender attorney. The hour-long legal drama Doubt comes from the producers of Grey's Anatomy.
One of the biggest parties in the world is Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, and this year is no exception. The two major headliners are Nick Jonas and Jake Shears. "I will be making my first appearance in Australia at Mardi Gras. I am so excited to perform, I know Mardi Gras is an amazing night and whole thing and I am just thrilled," said an incomprehensible Nickwhich makes me wonder if he knows he is actually going to GAY Mardi Gras. Of prime interest to many partygoers will be Jake Shears, who hasn't been seen much since the Scissor Sisters disbanded over two years ago.
By the way, Jonas has stayed true to his word about focusing on his gay fans. He spent Valentine's Day with a gaggle of gays at the hot London club, G-A-Y ( at the venerable venue, Heaven ). And he wasn't the only onethe headliner was Kelly Clarkson. We gays really know how to party!
It was a banner week for Joan Rivers, as she won her first Grammy Award for the audio version of her best-selling book Diary of a Mad Diva. Proving once again that comedy skill skips a generation, daughter Melissa said, "My mother would be absolutely thrilled to be here. She loved getting anything. If she thought she could get something at a Waffle House in Secaucus, she would be there. If my mother was here tonight, she would not only be honored and thrilled to win; she would most likely have it copied and on the air on QVC by 11." Far more impressive is the group Auntie Joan beat outJames Franco, Gloria Gaynor, John Waters, Jimmy Carter and Elizabeth Warren.
Missy also announced that she's writing a book. The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation will be released May 5, meaning that it's either been finished for eons and sitting on a shelf, or it's a piece of crap. Either way, I'm sure it'll be the perfect Mother's Day gift in lieu of a card or a "do-not-resuscitate" order.
This week's "Ask Billy" question requires me to use my flair for diplomacy, to say nothing of my notable foreign tongue. Rob in Florida writes, "Have you heard about this hot Latin priest who has done gay porn? I read something about him online but couldn't find any details or photos. Help!"
Father José Santiago is a priest at the Casa de OraciÃ"n ( House of Prayer ) Monte Santa in Puerto Rico. His parishioners discovered that he had a past in gay porn after some of his explicit scenes were posted on a popular website. He previously performed in Kristen Bjorn films under the name Gustavo Arrango ( which falls trippingly off the tongue ). Believe it or not, I have a connection to this story: Your humble scribe nominated Pride: Part 2 for Best Group Sex Scene at the 2010 GayVNs. So at least he's been in award-winning gay pornsomething only a handful of other priests can claim.
What I find interesting about this revelation is that it's really nothing newwhen he became a priest, he was open about his past as a male stripper with the group SuperXclusivo. Funnynobody had a problem with that! Now, some people are demanding that the padre be defrocked ( which is not a GayVN category ), but he's not backing down. "In those days I was gay and participated in homosexual activities, but God touched me," he said. ( I recall quite a few people touched him, but that's beside the point. ) "God transformed me, God gave me a woman who loves me and she loves my past. I haven't seen any of those films in years. I don't receive any money for them and it's part of a life that is over. We have all done things we regret. That part of my life was before I knew God." As part of his duties, he also gives sermons on the radio and TV. Whether you're interested in his post- or pre-spiritual life, you can check out his body of work on BillyMasters.com .
When doing gay porn is a stepping stone to becoming the next Oral ( or Rectal ) Roberts, it's time to end yet another column. And with that, I'm off to Hollywood for the Oscars. No matter where I am, you can get the dishiest dirt at www.BillyMasters.comthe site that's non-denominational. If you want to put my investigative skills to the test, send your query to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before they discover glory holes in Puerto Rican confessionals! Until next time, remember one man's filth is another man's bible.