"You can plow the f*ck out of my fields any day!"—Bachelor hopeful Kaitlyn's greeting to Chris Soules when she gets out of the limo. She may not have gotten the first-impression rose, but she really did make an impression.
While we're already two weeks into the new year, in Hollywood the year doesn't begin until awards season. And that gets kicked off with the Golden Globes, which were hosted by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler—allegedly for the last time. And, dare I say, it was a somewhat lackluster showing. While the idea of having a North Korean general-reviewer attend the proceedings might have been Tina and Amy's idea, it was Margaret Cho who virtually stole the show. It was also a big night for Transparent and the trans community. I suppose Kevin Spacey winning ties into this column, but let's not go there.
Despite coming up short in the award department, HBO's legendary after-party was the place to be. The threat of a soggy soirée had party planner Billy Butchkavitz and his team working overtime. Happily, the weather cooperated and the party was a huge success. My first celebrity run-in was with Robert Michael Morris, who plays Mickey on The Comeback. Since I thought this season was even better than the first one a decade ago, I was curious if there was more to come. He told me that HBO loved it and would welcome a return, but creator Michael Patrick King thinks it best to wait a few years. Speaking of follow-ups, Nia Vardalos said that the sequel to My Big Fat Greek Wedding would begin filming any day now, while hubby Ian Gomez is sad to be wrapping up Cougar Town.
There are some people I don't go up to. What do you say to Monica Lewinsky? "I love your work?" Not only was I curious what she was doing there, I was trying to figure out what she was saying to Jennifer Aniston. Since one of my best friends, Jenifer Lewis, plays Anthony Anderson's mother on Blackish, it was nice to meet Anderson and Tracee Ellis Ross. Tracey said that I'd have to wait and see who plays her mom on the show. I'd like to think it will be "Diane," but I doubt it. However, my most memorable celebrity encounter was probably when I wound up as the meat in a Carver boys sandwich. Charlie and Max Carver couldn't have been sweeter, although between then I looked like George Washington Carver. Charlie told me that the three-way he filmed with James Franco and Zachary Quinto for I Am Michael was not nearly as memorable, but I find that hard to believe.
My week ended at the glittering Golden Globes, but it started on the other side of the country. My pal Jeff Timmons, of the pop group 98 Degrees, was at the Wilbur Theater in Boston headlining The Men of the Strip. This troupe of male strippers from Las Vegas have been featured on E! The "hook" is that they all sing and dance in the style of a boy band. What I think really sets them apart from other groups is that they don't cater solely to the ladies. Yes, there is the typical strip show banter about the types of women the guys like, which elicits squeals of delight from the ladies. But at a certain point, they asked where the men were. The gaggle of gays ( and a smattering of straight guys, I'm sure ) cheered. The guys onstage said, "We love our guy fans." As if to underscore that point, let me ask you this: How often does Jeff Timmons sing "Invisible Man" to a guy? Or interpolate the name "Billy Masters" into the lyrics? Happily, a fan sent me the video, which you can see on BillyMasters.com .
Guess who's hoping to hit Broadway? Snooki! Believe it or not, the Jersey Shore starlet is looking to the Great White Way for her next job. "I'm not famous anymore to do SNL," Snooki said. "But I'm going to figure something out to do Broadway!" Grammar aside—really? Snooki on Broadway? I guess it's not so far-fetched since she was inspired by another reality star: "Nene Leakes is in Broadway in Cinderella! I'm going to LA and I'm going to have a meeting with my peoples [and] I'm going to tell them let's get me on Broadway." It only takes one person to ruin it for the rest of us.
Last year saw ups and downs for Michael Sam. The openly gay football player made history after being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, only to be dropped by the team pre-season. He then segued over to the Dallas Cowboys, only to be released a month later. While he's still waiting for his professional life to fall into place, he's taking advantage of his free-agent status to make some changes in his personal life. While on vacation in Europe with his beau Vito Cammisano, he proposed! We're told the couple plans to marry later this year.
Another sports star is making a big impact. Cristiano Ronaldo was honored in his hometown of Funchal, Portugal, with a 10-foot bronze statue of himself. While the sexy stud is captured in all of his rippling glory, the most memorable feature on the statue is below the belt. At the unveiling, people were surprised to see an exaggerated protrusion in the penile area. Cristiano approved of the likeness, and posed with it proudly. At least the shade provided from the bulge kept the sun out of his eyes.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Kevin in Chicago: "What do you know about Ellen's new gardener? He looks kinda familiar to me. You found the nude photos of Nick, so I'm sure you can find something on this guy."
Ellen's temporary gardener is model Derek Yates, who hails from Chattanooga and aspires to act and sing. So, clearly this daytime gig is a step in the right direction. You probably recognize him for a gazillion underwear ads. Diplomatic as he is hot, he claims to not have a real favorite brand. "If it fits well and makes me look good, then I like them, regardless of the brand." That said, he admitted, "I have always wanted to be a Calvin Klein underwear model." A little padding and that dream might come true. As to if I have any skin shots, he claims there are none to be had. Maybe so, but we did find some pics that should tide you over on BillyMasters.com .
When the most memorable Golden Globes belonged to Jennifer Lopez, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Since we ran long, I barely have time to remind you to check out the newly revamped www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never sleeps. If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Snooki wins a Tony. So, until next time, remember one man's filth is another man's bible.
