"They don't come onto me. I've never been propositioned. Fellas, you're dropping the ball."—Jon Cryer reveals that he's never been hit on by a guy. However, he claims to have been often mistaken for being gay—a confusion he chalks up to coming off as an "effeminate heterosexual dork" and his "encyclopedic knowledge of showtunes." His marriage to Ashton Kutcher on Two and a Half Men will surely not help.
There is one surefire way to predict which new TV shows will be cancelled: If I like them, they don't stand a chance. I knew the moment I embraced A to Z ( despite the presence of Cristin Milioti ), it was as good as gone. Even I couldn't bear Manhattan Love Story, but Selfie grew on me as quirky and clever. Dead. I was certain Lifetime would cancel one of my three summer guilty pleasures, but while Devious Maids got greenlit for a third season, both The Lottery and Witches of East End got the axe. I suppose the only reason Forever received a full season pick-up is because its clone, The Mentalist, is going away. How Reign has survived is a mystery.
I was shocked to hear that Royal Pains got renewed for not one, but two seasons. Don't get me wrong—I adore Mark Feuerstein. As far as I'm concerned, he can do no wrong ( like the winning Ben Feldman from A to Z ). But I never hear anyone talk about Royal Pains—except to ask if it's still on the air.
You may have thought Celebrity Apprentice was cancelled. In fact, it was simply benched. A season was shot earlier this year that was supposed to air months ago. But there never seemed to be an opening in the schedule. Have no fear—that missing season will surface in January. Some of the competing "celebrities" include such luminaries as Kate Gosselin, Kevin Jonas, Geraldo Rivera, Ian Ziering, Vivica A. Fox, Leeza Gibbons, Gilbert Gottfried, Shawn Johnson, Johnny Damon and Lorenzo Lamas. However, I suspect it will be a mentor who will spark the most conversation. Joan Rivers has done many things, but rise from the dead? Since the show was shot well before her untimely demise, two episodes will feature the former winner in a special spectral appearance.
E!'s Fashion Police has the unenviable task of replacing Joan Rivers on a weekly basis. And that's a big problem because, let's be honest—she's the only reason anyone watched the show. Without someone of her caliber, the show doesn't stand a chance. Enter Kathy Griffin. Although she didn't go after the job, she is the choice of the network and of Rivers' daughter Missy ( who will continue to produce the show ). What says Kathy? "I don't know if the situation is correct at this time for me or right for me at this time. I really hope they continue in the spirit of Joan's work. She brought a fearlessness and a brand of humor into our homes that we really need." The question is really whether Kathy wants to lock herself into a niche that Joan so vividly created—and does she want to commit to staying in L.A. to do a weekly show that isn't her own.
I'm sure Joan and Kathy would have something to say about Renée Zellweger's drastic transformation. But here's something you won't read anywhere else: I was talking to someone close to Zellweger and that person told me she's shocked anyone even noticed that she's had massive reconstructive surgery. She didn't think it was a big deal and is perplexed by the attention she's attracted. I'm perplexed whenever she gets attention, but that's me.
Hugh Jackman has returned to Broadway in The River. The show is slated to run through Jan. 24 and, thus far, it's been quite a bloody ordeal ... literally. In a performance last week, he cut his finger while slicing a lemon on stage. But he gamely continued the show whilst bleeding. Why didn't he find a way to get offstage and bandage himself? Because two weeks earlier in rehearsal, he had cut another finger while preparing a fish dinner. That slice required five stitches, so Jackman was hell-bent on not repeating that situation. Although this most recent slice was less severe and didn't require stitches ( the first cut is the deepest ), his mishaps prompted his representative to quip: "Let's try to get through The River run with at least 7.5 fingers intact!"
Another replacement is notable for a different reason. Michael C. Hall is playing the lead in Hedwig and the Angry Inch through Jan. 4. The producers have said, "We are exploring multiple options beyond Michael C. Hall's run in the show." One of those options happens to be having the original Hedwig take over. John Cameron Mitchell created the role and brought it to life in the original off-Broadway production and the film. Over the years, Mitchell has been said to be working on a sequel to the show. Those plans were put on hold in order to tweak "Hedwig" for its Broadway run. I'm told that Mitchell would be eager to not only play the part on Broadway, but also work on what Hedwig's next adventure might be.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Henry in Oklahoma City: "Is it just me, or is Nick Jonas trying really hard to get gay people interested? From the club appearances, photo shoots, and videos, it seems like we're the only audience he cares about—which is fine by me as long as he keeps taking off his shirt."
Alas, that's the point. Yes, Nick is certainly making a concerted effort to market himself to the gay audience. And, sure, it's pandering, but he's not the first. He has, however, gone further than some—from the very uncomfortable video with Attitude magazine in the UK where he was asked to identify "famous bulges," to a risqué photo shoot for Flaunt magazine, to his instructional video on how to do the perfect crotch grab ( both of which you can watch on BillyMasters.com ). Call me old-fashioned, but give me Marky Mark posing in his undies and not saying a thing. Ah, the good ol' days.
When straight men are identifying guy's bulges, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Like some of those bulges, this column was bursting at the seams. And yet, there's even more when you check us out at www.BillyMasters.com—the site that grabs you till it hurts. If you've got a question ( or a crotch ) for me to look into, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before they hire an EMT as Jackman's co-star. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
