"Usually they're very, very fit. They're usually very 'GQ' looking. They're very poised. Not to generalize, but that's my viewpoint."—Vicki Gunvalson of Real Housewives of Orange County explains what she means by someone "looking gay." I can live with that.
This week, Joan Rivers' health crisis weighs heavily on my mind. At the time of this writing, all we know is that the morning after a show in Manhattan, Auntie Joan was having a minor procedure on her vocal chords and went into cardiac arrest. She stopped breathing, the paramedics resuscitated her and she was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital, where she was placed in a medically induced coma and listed in critical condition. Since then, she has reportedly been on life support. Not good news for an 81-year-old woman. At 81, stubbing your toe can be fatal! It's hard for me to imagine a world without Joan Rivers—the person probably most responsible for my development as a comedian and writer. My prayers are with Joan and her family.
As for this year's Emmys, I loved them. Seth Meyers was a terrific host and kept things moving. My favorite part was his pre-taped bit with Billy Eichner. Sofia Vergara was a great sport showing off her curves to perk up a lull, while Julia Louis-Dreyfus never disappoints ... ever. As for the winners, well, what can one say? It was somewhat of a yawn-fest. While it didn't win many awards, kudos to The Normal Heart for snagging Outstanding Television Movie—and to Ryan Murphy for what was a wonderful acceptance speech.
For me, the highlight of the night was the HBO Emmy Party. Premier party planner Billy Butchkavitz pulled out all the stops and created one of the most magnificent venues I've ever seen. Time and again, Billy and his crew walk into an empty space and virtually build a wonderland from the ground up. When I walked in behind Julia Roberts, she actually stopped and gasped. I spent time chatting with friends from Veep ( specifically, Sufe Bradshaw and Anna Chlumsky ). The outrageous Jennifer Coolidge looked beyond gorgeous, and told me we can expect to see more of her on 2 Broke Girls. Niecy Nash said she'll be on The Mindy Project this season, playing a lesbian from Boston. Kaley Cuoco introduced me to her hunky hubby Ryan Sweeting, and explained that she put his bowtie around her neck while he had her shoes around his. They're a kooky couple!
As far as I'm concerned, Jessica Lange is in a class of her own. Standing next to Kathy Bates, you never forget that Lange is a movie star. I've never met her before, but I really wanted a photo with her. I swooped in, sat down next to her ( I do things like that ) and called her "Miss Lange." ( I usually don't do things like that. ) She turned in my direction and out of the corner of her eye, saw my friend holding a camera. She immediately put her hand up in front of her face. I quickly allayed her fears by saying that I would never take a photo without asking her permission. She relaxed and we had a nice long chat. At one point she had her hand on my knee, so I felt emboldened enough to say, "Now that we're so close, would you mind taking a photo?" She said, "Dear, I'm sorry—I don't do that." Do what? Show up on film? She was nice about it and I didn't press the point, but really? I kinda hoped my friend would snap the photo anyway but, alas, all I have is the memory.
This was a big week over at ABC News as Diane Sawyer stepped down ( or, depending on who you ask, was nudged ). While watching Diane sign off for the last time, I had one overwhelming thought—that's a lot of mascara! The anchor is now our own David Muir. Here's a minor little tidbit about Muir. The last time I referred to him as "our own David Muir," one of my papers called ABC News to get confirmation that he was gay—something I was sure no one would confirm. The PR person simply said, "David doesn't talk about his personal life."
It's just been announced that Reed Kelly and Josh Canfield will be appearing on the upcoming season of Survivor. You may remember Reed's name—he's one of the most gorgeous performers on Broadway and has previously been linked with Clay Aiken. He also has the distinction of being one of the top ( so to speak ) fundraisers for "Broadway Bares"—and you'll see why on BillyMasters.com . Canfield is his current boyfriend and is also a performer ( and ain't so bad on the eyes ). Much is being made of the fact that they are also both Christians—but I'm not sure why that's relevant. Perhaps those of you who watch the show will be able to fill me in.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Marcus in New York: "Is anyone really making money with the ALS ice bucket challenge? And which have been your favorite videos? [There have] been lots of hot ones."
According to the ALS Association, more than $94 million has been raised by the ice-bucket phenomenon. If that's true, it's remarkable, but I will save my applause until I get a look at their books. As to my favorite videos, I think Patti LuPone's is right up there—she's so deadpan, it's hysterical. And seeing Ethel Kennedy and the rest of her kin dumping ice on their heads was kinda amazing—especially since Ethel has enormous difficulty raising the bucket over her head. In terms of hot, I think Henry Cavill's as Superman was quite exceptional. John Barrowman's was good, too—more for his jockstrapped husband than for Johnny himself.
When I'm looking forward to Survivor: The Musical, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This was a busy bicoastal week for me. You can read even more about my exploits on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that is always uncut. If you've got a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I dump a bucket of ice on Jessica Lange's head ( and film it )! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
