"Celebrity is just obscurity biding its time."—Carrie Fisher.
Most television shows don't deliver breaking news over the summer. But most shows ain't The View. During the talk show's 17-year history, most of the explosive moments have taken place when the temperature rises. Original moderator Meredith Vieira left the show amicably on June 9, 2006. Two weeks later, Star Jones ambushed the show by announcing her departure on live TV. Less than a year later, Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck's historic split-screen squabble took place on May 23, 2007. Hasselbeck's last day was July 10, 2013, while Joy Behar left a month later. In fact, the only two co-hosts who have left in the winter were Lisa Ling ( of her own accord ) and Debbie Matenopoulos ( not ).
That brings up another point. Despite indications to the contrary, only Matenopoulos was actually fired. Jones, Hasselbeck and Behar were all informed that their contracts would not be renewed, and were given ample time to orchestrate their departures ( with varying degrees of grace ). Rosie informed the network she would not be renewing, and then left earlier than anticipated. Even Barbara Walters is rumored to have been nudged off the show, but spun it more to her liking. In her case, ABC seemed to see little value in the daily presence of the octogenarian. In fact, since the retirement of Willard Scott, no network has embraced the elusive ( and rapidly fading ) 80-to-death demographic.
That brings us to Sherri Shepherd and Jenny McCarthy. Yes, it's true—both are leaving the show. But neither of them has been fired. Jenny was given a one-year contract when she started in September. Given that audiences have not overwhelmingly embraced her, it was decided months ago that this would be a one-year gig. Sherri's situation is somewhat different. Like her predecessors, her departure coincides with the end of a contract cycle, but the network did enter into negotiations with her. However, the two sides were unable to come to an agreement. At the risk of saying more than I should, I'm one of the few people not entirely taken aback by this news. That's because Sherri and I had a confidential discussion on this very topic more than a year ago. See? I can keep a secret.
There's a connection between The View and other changes happening at ABC. Once they pushed that old woman out the door, it cleared the way for another old woman to become the dowager of ABC News: Diane Sawyer. With Sawyer taking over specials, George Stephanopoulos needed to be finessed. As an astute friend of mine noted, "He's better off staying on a morning show that people watch—no one watches the evening news." So Snuffleupagus will run ABC News and continue to host Good Morning America and This Week on Sunday mornings ( and rumor has it he's pushing for his "wife" Alexandra Wentworth to fill one of The View co-host chairs ). That left only the evening news slot to be filled. And if I know one thing about David Muir, he's perfectly capable of filling a slot ( repeatedly, and with gusto ). The upshot of all this is that poor Elizabeth Vargas got sober for nothing!
Someone who probably wasn't sober last week was Shia LaBeouf. Do you know how crazy you have to be to attract attention at the Broadway revival of Cabaret? But there was the increasingly erratic actor being dragged out in handcuffs by six policemen during intermission. While the Roundabout Theatre Company has simply said that LaBeouf was "disruptive during act one and escorted out of Studio 54 during intermission," onlookers filled in some of the gaps.
His behavior included smoking inside the theater, feeding a strange woman food from her own plate, and slapping audience members on the back of their heads and/or asses. He also reportedly reeked, but if that were a crime the subways would be empty! While being dragged off by the fuzz, he allegedly called one cop a "fag" and also said, "I'll fuck you up"—which apparently he didn't mean in a good way. He even added, "I have millions and millions of dollars and attorneys. I'm going to ruin your career." Doubtful. Once in custody, he had to be muzzled because he was spitting at people. He was charged with two counts of disorderly conduct, one count of criminal trespassing, and one count of harassment. Some weeks this column just writes itself.
For months, I've been extolling the virtues of the sitcom Baby Daddy. And I know it sounds ridiculous for me to love a show on ABC Family, but it's really great. And one of the reasons it's great is because of Derek Theler, who plays the best clueless hunk since Matt LeBlanc. But unlike LeBlanc, he hasn't turned into a big fat pig ( at least not yet ). Theler has more abs than he knows what to do with. And the show keeps showing them off—much to Derek's dismay: "I think it's in my contract that I have to have my shirt off every other episode. It's funny because I actually am kind of embarrassed about it, like when I come out of the bathroom wearing a towel for no reason. I try not to put it out there, but I work hard on looking as good as I can, and I'm young, so it's something I guess I should be proud of." I'm certainly proud to show off every inch of him on BillyMasters.com .
When ABC Family is providing us with nudity, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I was just thinking—David Muir is making history for being the youngest person to anchor the evening network news. But he could make history another way. After all, it is the tail end of Pride month. Just a thought—one of many you'll find on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that's always thinks ahead. If you're thinking of a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we find out what Shia was doing at Cabaret in the first place. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
