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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2013-05-15

This article shared 4148 times since Wed May 15, 2013
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"I have been more right than wrong. If ever there was a time to be grateful and relieved for being mistaken, this is that time. Only God is right all the time."—Psychic Sylvia Browne responds to criticism that she wrongly predicted the death of kidnap victim Amanda Barry on The Montel Williams Show in 2004. When Louwana Miller asked if her daughter was still alive, Sylvia quickly said, "She's not alive, honey." Louwana died shortly thereafter, reportedly of a broken heart.

The key to life is timing—being in the right place at the right time. Sometimes we have good timing; sometimes less so. Shortly after I left Florida, British diver Tom Daley brought his hotness to town, where he was competing at the Swimming and Diving Hall of Fame (which is located in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.). By mere hours I missed watching him strut around in his Speedo, sporting what I can only assume was a virgin attempt at growing a beard. See? Good timing on Tom's part; bad timing for me. Or, perhaps I was lucky—after all, I avoided being arrested for inappropriate behavior around a minor. At least I get to look at the hot photos of him on BillyMasters.com .

Then there are the poor musicians who were promoting the London gay music festival As One in the Park. The group of 25 gay drummers (that's a lot of banging) were weaving their way through London's theater district last Saturday afternoon when they made the unfortunate decision to stop and play for five minutes just a few feet away from the stage door of the Gielgud Theatre. Talk about timing—inside the rapturous Helen Mirren was in the midst of the first act finale of The Audience. The banging was distracting, to say the least. Dame Helen got through the monologue, the curtain came down and she stormed right out the stage door to confront the drummers. Oh, did I mention that she's playing Queen Elizabeth II in the play? Imagine the look on the drummers' faces when their sovereign berated them with some liberal use of the f-word ... and nary a handbag in sight! Well, you don't have to imagine it—we have a video of it on BillyMasters.com . The parade organizer said, "Not much shocks you on the gay scene. But seeing Helen Mirren, dressed as the queen, cussing and swearing and making you stop your parade—that's a new one!"

As luck would have it, during the second act of the play, the power went out. While it was being fixed, Helen came out of character and addressed the audience from the stage: "We seem to be having a bit of a bad night. Did you hear the drums? I went outside and sorted them out dressed as the queen, using some not very polite language." After the fact, she told a reporter, "I was more duke of Edinburgh than the queen." Still, as she learned from playing the monarch in The Queen, damage control needed to be done. The next day, she showed up at the theater wearing a T-shirt promoting the "As One In the Park" festival on May 26 in Victoria Park. But she made her point by what she had printed on the back: "Yes please, just not outside a theatre"." She also promised to attend the festival, adding (somewhat unconvincingly), "The irony is, I love drumming and I love drummers." I defy anyone to find a single Buddy Rich album in the Mirren household.

Dame Helen ain't the only queen in England making some noise. Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi may both be "sirs", but they're both playing outrageous queens in a new British sitcom called Vicious. Helmed by the dashing and debonair Gary Janetti (executive producer and writer on Will & Grace and spousal-equivalent of the equally delightful Brad Goreski), the show benefits from his stateside sitcom work whilst still retaining its quirky British flair. Broad and over-the-top describe the performances, and both Ian and Derek appear to be having a ball. The show is only in its third week but is receiving glorious reviews and great ratings. I'll run the pilot on BillyMasters.com .

We may not have royalty on this side of the pond, but we certainly have queens—and one is about to hit the small screen. Steven Soderbergh's Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra airs on HBO May 26. You all know about Michael Douglas and Matt Damon playing the acclaimed pianist and his partner, Scott Thorson. You may not know that Liberace's mom is lovingly portrayed by Debbie Reynolds (who knew the performer very well). And Cheyenne Jackson plays one of Lee's previous boyfriends and piano protégé, Billy Leatherwood. Yes, you read that right—Billy Leatherwood. I know, it sounds like a porn name. We'll run an extensive behind-the-scenes video on BillyMasters.com .

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Larry in Connecticut: "I was watching the season finale of Joan Knows Best and saw her writer bring a hot guy to their party on the boat who looked familiar. Do you know who he is?"

For those of you who don't watch WE's runaway hit, Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best, let me fill you in. Joan and Melissa decided to throw a party for their various staff members on an ill-fated cruise to Catalina. Tony Tripoli (who writes for Fashion Police) brought a very hot young man along as his date. That was Matt Ludwinski, who you might recognize as the lead in Going Down In La-La Land. Although Matt describes himself as 29, I believe he's 32-ish. Regardless of his age, he's certainly beyond hot, as I can attest to firsthand. I first met Matt back in 2009 when he was in the cast of Naked Boys Singing in Provincetown, Mass. It's a show he's gone back to several times—in fact, he recently did it again in Palm Springs. And, aside from his good looks, winning smile and pleasant voice, he's enormously memorable for another attribute—one that is quite prominently displayed on BillyMasters.com .

When this week's naked boy is known for more than his singing, we've definitely come to the end of another column. One thing I didn't get to mention about Helen Mirren. On the stage door to the Gielgud Theatre, there is a sign titled "Autographs" that says the following: "For the duration of the run, Ms. Mirren will NOT be signing photographs or memorabilia upon arrival at the theatre." However, I am told that Mrs. Tingle will occasionally sign autographs when leaving the theatre. Of course, there are no such restrictions at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never stands on ceremony. If you've got something you want me to look into, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dame Helen makes her own Liberace movie. (She's played every other queen!) Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 4148 times since Wed May 15, 2013
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