"I think he's gonna have money."—Suze Orman tells Kathy Griffin she believes Honey Boo Boo will still have money in 10 years. And, yes, Suze referred to Honey Boo Boo as "he." Oh, those wacky lesbians!
If I am to continue writing this column, I'm going to need to be put on medication. Clearly, I am far too invested in the lives of people I barely know. This week, we all heard the news that Valerie Harper has brain cancer. That sounds bad enough, but it's even worse. What she has is leptomeningeal carcinomatosis, which is a type of cancer that's located in the fluid surrounding the brain. It's not something that can be removed or operated on—it's circulating. As a result, her doctors told her Jan. 15 that she could have as little as three months to live.
Ironically, that is the same day her autobiography, I, Rhoda, was released. She was also about to start a national tour of the play Looped, which earned her a Tony nod. (She's also producing the show with her husband.)
So put yourself in Val's position. She's gotta get out there and hawk her autobiography by doing interviews and book signings. She's in the middle of rehearsals for a tour that she's got money in. And she finds out she has weeks to live. Needless to say, she can't tour. But Val, being Val, hand-picked Stefanie Powers to replace her (after tracking Powers down in Dubai, where she was appearing in Love Letters with David Soul). As for her autobiography, Harper does a handful of interviews and an abbreviated book tour, acting as if she doesn't have a care in the world. At a Los Angeles book-signing, she spent five minutes showing a woman exactly how to tie a scarf on her head to get the "Rhoda" look—and this is a month after being told her prognosis (we'll post the video on BillyMasters.com ). She appears as her usual joyous self, even mentioning that her hair is getting so long that she needs to get it cut. As Val told People magazine, "I don't think of dying. I think of being here now." Harper will be making a flurry of TV appearances this week to discuss her condition and raise awareness for cancer research.
Back to Looped, which I saw when the tour kicked-off in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. Powers playing the role of Tallulah Bankhead is rather fitting. The play revolves around the enormous difficulty Bankhead had during post-production of her last film, Die, Die, My Darling—and the "darling" in the film was Miss Powers! Stefanie had two weeks to learn the play and make it her own. From the moment she walks out on stage, her Tallulah is in complete command. She's extraordinary. She holds her facial muscles in a way that gives her Bankhead's hooded eyes, wide mouth and angular features. Her voice is a marvel, and she's found the music and cadences that were so distinctively Tallulah.
Thanks to Matthew Lombardo's wonderful script and Rob Ruggiero's expert direction, there are tons of laughs—I'd say the first 20 minutes would rival any sitcom. While Harper was brilliant, Powers has found a way to truly become Tallulah. Only when reliving Bankhead's maiden attempt at "Streetcar Named Desire" does she let some vulnerability show—and it's as authentic as every other emotion in this tour de force. If the play comes to a city near you, it's something you shouldn't miss. Check out more details at www.LoopedOnTour.com .
I have a very special connection with The View. The week I moved to Hollywood 16 years ago, the show debuted. I've also been very close to numerous past and present hosts. So I was sad (but not entirely surprised) when I heard that Joy Behar will be leaving when her contract is up in August. Behar is an ambitious woman who has always had side projects. Her own show on Current TV will end once the network is acquired by Al Jazeera (unless she invests in a wardrobe of burqas). That frees her up for a new gig and, as luck would have it, Behar has a fan in Jeff Zucker, the new president of CNN. After two recent meetings, it's been rumored she could be returning there. (The network also owns HLN, where she previously had a highly-rated show.) For now, all Joy will say about these changes is, "It seemed like the right time. You reach a point when you say to yourself, 'Do I want to keep doing this?' There are other things on my plate I want to do—I've been writing a play, I've been neglecting my stand-up." When asked about the meetings with Zucker, she said, "CNN would be a great place."
This could be just the tip of the iceberg for changes at The View. Rumors have been circulating that Barbara Walters may cut back her on-air activities significantly. And as we go to print, stories have been circulating that Elisabeth Hasselbeck's contract will not be renewed in August. While no one at the network is willing to go on the record, a complete overhaul of the show could be imminent. Of course, I'm sure Barbara will assert that all the former co-hosts will be welcomed back any time. Beyond that, I really can't say more on the subject ... except for this—if you hear something about The View that you are surprised I didn't report, it doesn't mean I didn't know.
Say you're Marg Helgenberger. You leave CSI after 12 years. It's still a hit show, but you announce that you'd like to do Broadway and films. Less than a year later, it's announced that you'll be starring in a new series—also for CBS. The show is called Intelligence and, to be fair, the lead is actually Josh Holloway from Lost. He plays a government agent implanted with a microchip, and Marg is the director of the government's cybersecurity branch. So let me get this straight—this is a show about that chip that my vet put into my dog? Riveting!
When my dog Li Li could get a pilot on CBS, it's definitely time for me to get her an agent and end yet another column. What a diverse group of items. And yet, there's even more dish to be served up at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never skimps on seconds. I didn't have room to answer a question in print, but I'm always available to tend to your burning desires. Just send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I turn up on Al Jazeera TV! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
