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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2013-02-19

This article shared 2449 times since Tue Feb 19, 2013
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"Guess I'm a natural. It was my first time. ... Oh shit, you're right. It wasn't my first time. But that was a dildo. If I'd had the guts, it woulda been real."—James Franco remembers discovering his talent to "deep throat" onscreen in Broken Tower. We didn't forget since we have the footage of him going down on a very realistic dick on BillyMasters.com .

What a week. Record snowfall in New England. Asteroids hitting the Earth. The pope retiring. I'm not sure where to start. Let's first look at the cruise ship trapped at sea—or, as one network called it, "Voyage of the Damned." As luck would have it, an RSVP cruise was meandering through the Caribbean at the exact same time. And this dichotomy really drove home for me the difference between gay and straight people. While beleaguered Carnival Triumph passengers told horror stories about being on a boat with feces on the wall, I suspect that RSVP Cruise passengers would probably look upon a similar occurrence quite positively. Plus ça change...

Let's move onto the private hell LeAnn Rimes is living through. The songstress went to a dentist to improve her appearance and help with TMJ-related pain. What started out as getting veneers and a few crowns turned into nine root canals, bone grafting and at least a dozen other treatments. My God: You'd think she was a member of the British royal family! As someone who has had his share of dental drama, I know that once one starts these procedures, they never end. But LeAnn isn't quite as philosophical. She's suing her dentist, claiming that her "ability to perform as an artist has been and will continue to be significantly compromised." Personally, I think she went into the dentist office with her "ability" already compromised. She's also suing for "emotional and psychiatric injuries." By those standards, she opens herself up to an eventual lawsuit from Eddie Cibrian.

LeAnn surely knows that good teeth aren't necessarily a gateway to stardom. In fact, teeth can often be an obstacle. A case in point is Mama June from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo—whose dental hygiene is questionable, at best. But not only is she popular, she's getting ready to branch out. Reportedly, the TLC star is being courted by ABC to appear on Dancing with the Stars. This may also explain why the matriarch has lost more than 100 lbs.

You'd think that Lindsay Lohan's disastrous Liz & Dick would stop Lifetime from attempting anything even remotely similar. But you'd be mistaken. The network (which recently cancelled Drop Dead Diva amidst reports of wanting to focus on "edgier shows") has announced plans for a miniseries about Cleopatra! This should not be confused with the proposed musical about the Egyptian queen being readied for Catherine Zeta-Jones (for either film or Broadway). Nope, this would be a four-hour miniseries that will be made after another high-profile Lifetime movie—Bonnie & Clyde with Emile Hirsch and Holliday Grainer (whoever she is).

Another actress is taking a shot at playing Elizabeth Taylor. BBC Four has announced plans for a 90-minute flick called Burton & Taylor that will center around the couple's historic (and disastrous) run of Private Lives on Broadway. In this movie, Elizabeth will be played by Helena Bonham Carter—whose hand I once kissed as I called her Milady. You may consider that odd casting, but am I the only one who remembers the 1995 miniseries Liz: The Elizabeth Taylor Story starring Sherilyn Fenn? Lady Helena is at least a step in the right direction.

The Great White Way is buzzing about Jane Lynch. The Glee star recently said that she'd love to be in a musical, and was in negotiations to make her Broadway debut during her summer hiatus. My spies tell me that she'll likely surface in the revival of Annie, playing the wicked Miss Hannigan. Is that dream casting or what?

Many of my readers have been gushing about the Broadway revival of Picnic (which runs through Feb. 24). I don't think most of them went because of the show. They wanted the chance to see sexy Sebastian Stan (who you know as Jefferson on Once Upon a Time and as Sigourney Weaver's gay son on Political Animals). And they got to see quite a bit of him. His performance was enhanced by his fantastic physique, which I'm told is on prominent display throughout the play. Certainly the producers knew what they had since they sent me some photos that are perhaps amongst the hottest I've ever seen of anyone. Because I know most of you can't drop everything and zip to NYC in the next few days, I'll happily share them with you on BillyMasters.com .

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Ward in Atlanta: "I just picked up Attitude [a gay UK monthly] and on the cover of its 'Naked Issue' is a hot guy I think you've mentioned before—singer Shayne Ward. He's absolutely gorgeous. What do you know about him?"

Shayne is a great guy with loads of talent, a perfect smile and an amazing body. He's a former winner of the UK X Factor; released three hit CDs and eight singles; and played the role of Stacee Jaxx in Rock of Ages in the West End for well over a year. More recently, he's competed on the UK series Dancing on Ice, where he not only looked dashing in spandex but also did a fabulous job. Although he is straight (damn), he's a strong ally of the gay community. Not only is he in Attitude (and naked), he's done adverts for marriage equality. It should be noted that his first (and only) U.S. appearance was for Boston Pride. A true gem. I'll post those naked photos on my website.

Before I wrap up, I must mention Tim McGraw—someone I never paid much attention to. But I stood up and took notice when a fan sent me a hot shirtless photo of the 45-year-old singer looking a couple decades younger. DAMN! Since I'm in the mood to share, I'll also post it on BillyMasters.com .

When I'm featuring so many people without clothes (or teeth), it's definitely time to end yet another column. Let me say how touched I was by the hundreds of birthday greetings I received on Facebook and via e-mail. Of course, the best place to find me is at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that has no gag reflex. If you have a question, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Lifetime hires Honey Boo Boo to star in a remake of National Velvet (playing the horse, no doubt)! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2449 times since Tue Feb 19, 2013
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