While you were all snuggling with your loved ones, warming your bodies by the fire, and otherwise enjoying the holiday, I was working right up until Thanksgiving dinner. If I wasn't peeling sweet potatoes for Big Mama Masters, I was glued in front of the TV set watching the sexy Rob Wilson's stint as the first male spokesmodel on The Price is Right. There he was, the Monday before Thanksgiving, giving us all something to be thankful for. As an added treat, we're happy to tell you that he'll be returning for a Christmas episode next month. Until then, you can take a gander at Wilson's body of work at BillyMasters.com .
You may not believe this, but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. When the allegations against Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash surfaced, I waited a week or so before I jumped on the pedophile bandwagon. And I was glad I waited because before long we knew who his accuser was, had photos of him and had his statement recanting the allegations. For a few moments, it looked like the whole thing was over and Clash could return to Sesame Street with his reputation intact.
But then another person came out of the woodwork with a similar tale. Cecil Singleton has filed a lawsuit in NYC saying that he had a relationship with Clash when he was 15 years old. They met in 1993 after talking on a gay phone sex line. Singleton lists some of their physical activity in the suit: "groping, masturbation, intense kissing, dry-humping." By those standards, I may have grounds to sue my best friend's cocker spaniel! Cecil is suing for $5 million and, given this latest development, Clash has resigned from his position to focus on clearing his name. Incidentally, the first accuser (Sheldon Stephens) reportedly accepted a $125,000 settlement. He now claims to have been "pressured" to recant and would like to return the money and pursue a legal case—perhaps in light of Mr. Singleton's $5 million lawsuit. I don't think it works that way.
For years, Greg Louganis has been trying to get cast on Dancing with the Stars. And for some reason, one of the most notable athletes in American history has been snubbed. But fear not—all of Louganis' efforts with ABC may yield unexpected fruits ... as it were. The network has announced that Louganis will be a part of Celebrity Splash, a new competition show based on a hit in the Netherlands, which finds celebrities attempting Olympic-style diving. Louganis will be a judge and help coach some of the contestants. Who will join him on the judging dais? Well, these shows usually like a quick-witted gay-ish personality with a background in the event. Have I mentioned lately that I earned my letter in springboard diving ... prior to my stand-up career? I'm just sayin'...
Hold onto your hats (or whatever else you can get your hands on)—it's time for Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions. Yes, each week until Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, I will share some unique ways to make the spirits bright and, of course, gay. My first choice is a DVD that makes me very happy ... and proud. Hollywood to Dollywood is a documentary about the official Billy Masters twins, Gary and Larry Lane. (Yes, I'm so big, I have my own twins.) This film follows my boys on a cross-country journey to present Dolly Parton with a screenplay that they wrote. OK, it's mildly stalker-ish (not that I'm one to judge) but the real heart of the film is the story of these two brothers and their relationships—with their boyfriends, their parents, and each other. Even as a close friend, I found myself often really touched. The film also features other pals of mine, like Leslie Jordan and Chad Allen. I hear you can even catch a glimpse of moi in some previously suppressed segments—in addition to a nice shout out in the final credits. As usual, you can pick this DVD up at Amazon.com .
I bet many people on your list would like to have sex with a celebrity, right? Well, have we got the gift for you—a Justin Bieber sex doll! Now, to be accurate, it's not called that. To find it, you must look for the "Just-In Beaver Love Doll," with the subtitle "I'm NOT GAY (ok maybe a lil')." Well, that should keep the lawyers away. The doll, which has numerous points of entry, is made of some special puncture-proof plastic—like they use on blimps! And it's dishwasher safe, which I think is a must in our busy world. Best of all, it's only $26. But, wait, there's more—for you ladies out there, the same company makes a female doll called the "Finally Miley Love Doll." That variety touts "3 Achey Love Holes." And I believe it's toothless.
We recently received two "Ask Billy" questions about a hit HBO series. Larry in Washington, D.C., asks, "Did you see Bobby Cannavale's nude scene on Boardwalk Empire? Was that really his dick? WOW!" And Karl in New York City wrote, "Was Billy Magnussen really nude during his sex scene last night? It was really hard to tell."
Little Billy Magnussen's sex scene primarily showed his delectable derriere. But our techs were able to reveal a quick glimpse of his nether regions. However, since it's after post-coital, don't expect much. Bobby Cannavale is a different matter entirely. His nudity occurs while having sex ... and while using restraints. I think this is a perfect example of coitus interruptus ... with the addition of blood. As he walks down the hallway, his penis has not completely deflated, exhibiting a good amount of "swing." You can see for yourself on BillyMasters.com .
When Elmo's cruising phone sex lines, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Before signing off, I want to acknowledge the passing of Larry Hagman. He was diagnosed with cancer just prior to shooting the reboot of Dallas. This led to him being used sparingly during the first few episodes. However, towards the end of the season, he suddenly was the old J.R. and reminded us why he was the man we loved to hate. Rest in peace. For the rest of you looking for a piece, be sure to check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that delivers the whole package. If you have a question you'd like me to investigate, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Louganis is considered quick-witted! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
