"We are the Susan Lucci of reality shows!"—Tweeted Tim Gunn after Project Runway lost (again) to The Amazing Race. He also wanted to make sure we remembered it's a super-gay show.
I think I'm all award show-ed out. I simply could not get excited about going to the Emmys this year. I could, however, get excited about going to the parties—especially the hottest party in town. With HBO dominating the awards the last few years/decades, its soirée has become the place to be. In fact, several lesser parties (no names, but several networks with initials) cancelled their events due to a paucity of positive RSVPs. So my new plan consisted of staying home, watching the awards in peace and then casually meandering over to the Pacific Design Center—just a hop, skip and a jump away from my Beverly Hills (adjacent) abode.
Since HBO went with a carnival theme of vibrant colors, I was smart to stick with basic black. (I checked out the venue the day before.) Everything looked spectacular, due in no small part to the creative juices of party planner Billy Butchkavitz ... with some help from the fire department. Apparently, the midday sun reflects off the new "red building" at the Pacific Design Center and causes some minor problems—like tents melting and transformers blowing up at the WeHo sheriff's department! Thankfully, that was all squared away pre-party.
I have a confession to make—I kinda touched Dick Cavett's penis. It was clearly accidental—he's far too short for me. He was at the party because his HBO special, Mel Brooks and Dick Cavett Together Again, had been nominated. After our chat, he asked if I'd seen Mel (the only person in the room older than Cavett). I told him where he was and as he brushed by me, something dangling betwixt his legs grazed my palm. My natural instinct is to hold onto such an appendage until it is a throbbing purple mass, but I didn't have a few hours to invest.
When I said hi to Sofia Vergara, she told me that her skintight dress had split just before Modern Family won Best Comedy. One of her assistants literally sewed her back into it. With that, she said, "Look at it." I politely glanced at her derrière, and she said, "Dios mio, why are the gay ones so shy? Just look at my ass!" That's how I ended up in a second compromising position with a celebrity. Sofia effortlessly balances hanging out with her friends (she always has a large coterie in attendance), gabbing with her colleagues and greeting her fans as if it were no big deal. And somehow she also manages to eat, laugh and dance ... especially dance. Around midnight, her group moved to a table by the DJ. Sofia then led everyone onto the dance floor, where she stayed for over an hour. At one point, her boyfriend was playing the drums and Vergara got up on stage and shimmied like your sister Kate (which was the name of a short-lived sitcom starring Stephanie Beacham, by the by). The party continued well past the scheduled shutdown time because everyone was having such a blast.
While the director of Game Change, Jay Roach, was being pulled in a million directions, I was sitting with his wife, Susanna Hoffs—someone I have known for eons. This summer, Hoffs put out her first solo CD in more than 16 years, and I love it. I think of Someday as an homage to the '60s, with a decidedly modern sensibility. Surely her duet work with Matthew Sweet under the moniker Sid n Susie helped pave the way for this very tuneful collection. I was particularly struck by the orchestrations.
Susanna told me that all of the instruments are live—including the extensive horn and string sections. The results are impressive. How she's found time to make this solo CD in addition to being a wife and mother of two boys while still touring with The Bangles (who put out a new CD of their own last year) is a mystery to me. She'll also be doing several solo dates this fall, and I can assure you her shows are incredible. Check out her schedule (and buy the CD) at SusannaHoffs.com . She's the real deal.
When I think of Susanna, I immediately think of the lovely Belinda Carlisle, whom I have known even longer. Belinda and her hubby, film producer Morgan Mason, moved back to LA this year. And like Susanna, she's busier than ever. Of course, she's touring with The Go-Go's through the fall. She has her "Belindia" line of home furnishings at Bergdorf Goodman (with a portion of the proceeds going to the Shuktara Project, a charity that helps abandoned and disabled children). And she's been collaborating with Dan Rucks (of the popular "Dan-O-Rama" videos) on a show chronicling her work in India, where she spends half the year designing. Anyone who has seen Carlisle interviewed knows she's a very private and guarded person. But through Rucks' lens, this program shows you the side of Belinda that her friends know—the loyal, patient, determined, vocal and hilarious Belinda. We've got an extended trailer of the show, which you can see on BillyMasters.com or on her site, BelindaCarlisle.tv .
When I'm getting ass at an Emmy party, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Alas, I don't have room to include my blind item. And it was a good one. All about closeted celebs at the Emmys. Maybe I'll squeeze it in next week. Or maybe it will turn up on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that has no limits. For your own pressing needs, just drop me a note at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Cavett finally gets aroused! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
