"I'm incredibly happy, I'm incredibly lucky."—Zachary Quinto's only on-the-record comment regarding his boyfriend, fellow actor Jonathan Groff.
Every geographic place has some annual event that marks the season. The swallows return to Capistrano. The cherry blossoms bloom in Washington, D.C. The sea turtles hatch in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.. And in Boston, it wasn't officially summer until Joan Kennedy's first late-night drive through the front lawns of her Hyannis Port neighbors. While I certainly do not condone driving while impaired, I nonetheless smiled when I heard that Sally Struthers had been arrested on suspicion of drunk driving in Ogunquit, Maine (where she's been appearing in the musical version of 9 to 5). She is due back in court Dec. 13.
Recently we've had quite a few stories about professional athletes supporting the gay community. Hockey player Ryan Jones of the Edmonton Oilers just recorded a video for the "You Can Play" project, a group advocating that athletes be judged on their talent, heart and work ethic rather than sexual orientation. In his video, Ryan said, "If a player can help the team and is a good person, who they choose as a partner is irrelevant."
Linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has been so vocal about his support for LGBT rights and marriage equality that Maryland state Del. Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote with great concern to the Baltimore Raven's owner: "I am requesting that you take the necessary action, as a National Football League Owner, to inhibit such expressions from your employees and that he be ordered to cease and desist such injurious actions." While taking umbrage at someone trying to silence a person's freedom of speech, Mr. Ayanbadejo looked on the bright side and thanked Mr. Burns for "bringing national attention to the issue." To date, he hasn't stopped talking.
Another person who's speaking out is Vikings punter Chris Kluwe. In fact, he's recorded three radio ads for Minnesotans for Equality. He wrote a fabulous letter to Mr. Burns, which is worth reading in its entirety online. (I particularly liked when he said that allowing gay people to marry will not "magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster.") His postscript does bear repeating: "I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your 'I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing' and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. A**hole." I may have to start watching baseball ... er, basketball ... well, one of those sports where hot guys are grabbing each others' asses.
Meanwhile, in North Dakota comes a story with a colorful headline by Dan Savage: "College Football Player Kicked Off Team After He Outs Himself During a Game." North Dakota State College of Science freshman Jamie Kuntz had a concussion and wasn't going to play with his team in Pueblo, Colorado on Labor Day Weekend. But he was asked to film the game from the empty press box. As Kuntz said, "The game was a total blowout. And I guess I got bored and so I kissed my boyfriend and some of my teammates saw us." The coach confronted him, he denied kissing the guy and denied being gay. He then had a 15-hour bus ride home, where he posted some vaguely suicidal Tweets (police investigated and found him not to be a suicide risk). Later that night, he texted his coach saying he was gay, he did kiss that guy and apologized for lying. The coach called a meeting for the following morning, at which point he was thrown off the team.
But there's a detail I haven't mentioned—and I think it's a big one. Not only has it been buried in many of the reports I've read, but some articles ignore it entirely. Jamie is a college freshman. He's 18. His boyfriend is 65 years old! Now, I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes: "There you go again with age, Billy. First TR Knight and that teenager. Then Tyler Clementi and that older guy. What is it with you and age?" I actually have issues on both sides. Sure, I suppose when I'm 65 (which'll be here before you know it), I'll be thrilled to get an 18-year-old football player. But isn't that just a little stereotypical, mid-life crisis-icky? And, if you're an 18-year-old college student who isn't out and plays football, do you really think bringing a 65-year-old guy to a game isn't going to stand out just a little? In fact, when the coach questioned him, Kuntz's first response was, "Oh, that was my grandpa up there with me. I wasn't kissing my grandpa!" Now, how many of you see your boyfriend as a grandpa? Kuntz said he's always been attracted to older guys and he was the aggressor when he they first met (online, by the way).
Our "Ask Billy" question is almost predictable. Bobby in Seattle writes: "You must have seen those photos of Jon Hamm's penis. Is that really all him? WOW—talk about hung!"
Apparently, I am the only one out there who still wears underwear (at least occasionally). Since you asked, we got our hands on the high-res images, had our technicians examine them thoroughly and have ascertained that the rather lengthy and thick cylindrical item travelling down Hamm's right leg appears to be a penis. And a cut penis at that. I suppose you could also give me your layman's opinion after seeing the pics on BillyMasters.com .
When Hamm is also delivering sausage, it's time to end yet another column. You know, ham and sausage ain't just for breakfast anymore. No siree. On the Atkins diet, I can take it morning, noon and night—in case anyone's wondering. And I can dish it out too...on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that has nothing to hide. If you've got something that needs my attention, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Struthers calls Joan Kennedy for a ride! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
