"NoI think of ONE diva!"Patti LuPone's response to Seth Rudetsky's question, "Do you think of three divas? Bernadette, Betty and Patti?" She followed her answer with a hearty laugh, adding, "What the fuck did you think I was gonna say?"
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes. I'm chatting with friends in the lobby of the Provincetown Art House. Dozens of theater queens are begging, pleading and offering sexual favors for a ticket to see Patti LuPone, who will be doing four intimate shows over the next two days. Needless to say, there is not a single seat to be had. In the midst of this gaggle of gays, in wanders a petite woman dressed entirely in white, loose pageboy haircut and sunglasses. I can smell her clear across the roomMiss Patti LuPone. And yet, she's meandering through the crowd without a single person recognizing her. But like the intuitive animal she is, she knows she's been spotted. She glances over her sunglasses in my direction. I give a subtle nod but I don't approach. You see, acknowledging Patti in this environment could set off a stampede not unlike when a gazelle trips on the Serengeti. You don't want to spook the LuPone. She smiles and tosses her hair as she walks away.
The chance to see Patti in an intimate setting is almost unheard of. Since she has such an enormous repertoire, each program would vary show to show depending on the topics discussed, the mood of the room, what Patti felt like singing and what Seth could coax out of her. The two shows on July 4th had no overlap (except the requisite "Don't Cry For Me" encore). "Les Misérables," "Women on the Verge," "Oliver," "Anything Goes" and some Piaf songs were featured in the early show, while the later show found her talking about Sondheim, Lloyd Weber and singing from Company, West Side Story, The Robber Bridegroom and Kurt Weill.
What made this later show remarkable was an extended Evita section. Miss LuPone dove headfirst into the "High Flying Adored" and "Rainbow High" sequence, which she claimed to have not sung in 30 years (although she said the same thing about a robust "Buenos Aires"yet I saw her do it at the Hollywood Bowl in 2000). It was fearlessas you'll see when clips soon emerge on Rudetsky's website, SethTV.com (although, I wouldn't be surprised if some audio clips appear on BillyMasters.com ). I'd say Patti is in remarkable voice for her age, but she's in remarkable voice for ANY age. Every generation has a handful of great vocalists. However, very few generations are graced with a LuPone.
What would be a summer in Provincetown without our drag divas??? Varla Jean Merman's new show, "Topping Myself," (also at the Art House) is a treat for all of the senses. And the title is apt because she is most certainly topping herself. I truly believe that this show includes some of the most brilliant and outrageous material I've ever seen her doand that's saying something. And then there's Randy Roberts, who is one of the most astonishing singers I know. What he does to vocally capture every nuance of Cher, Bette Midler, Gaga and oodles of others is nothing short of magnificent. This season, Randy can be seen at the Pied ( www.PiedBar.com ).
Most of you know David Drake as an accomplished writer, performer and director. This year, he's developed a new character that is a welcome addition to the Provincetown line-up. Tawny Heatherton's show at the Crown & Anchor on Sundays ( www.OnlyAtTheCrown.com ) assays her own musical history while pondering the bigger questionsare we alone in the universe, how can we achieve personal happiness, and will she ever reunite with her aunt Joey Heatherton? That's a lot of work for someone who was last seen foraging on all fours in the parking lot of an Indian casino. The show "Tawny, Tell Me True" is very reminiscent of early Lily Tomlin and manages to be provocative and kitschy all at the same time. I expect Miss Heatherton will be around for a long, long time.
She's probably a lovely person, but it seems to me that Brooke Shields is the kiss of death for a Broadway show. How do you change that? Perform an exorcism ... perhaps on stage. Good thing she's been cast in The Exorcist, a stage version of William Peter Beatty's book LA's Geffen Playhouse. In addition to Brooke (playing the mom), we have Richard Chamberlain playing the aging priest called in to deal with all that pea soup and Tony-winning director John Doyle keeping things under control. We hear that it was written into Mr. Chamberlain's contract that if the play goes to Broadway, the producers have the right to replace him with Malcolm McDowell. I betcha this sounds mighty familiar to Patti LuPone. Next thing you know, Brooke will be replaced by Glenn Close!
I neglected to mention that Ryan Murphy and longtime beau David Miller got married in Provincetown on the same day as La LuPone's first show (otherwise known as Independence Day). The happy couple staged their ceremony in the duneshow "unique." Well, so many people meet there for the first timemaybe it has sentimental value for them. Patti scattered rose petals around the lovebirds' suite and sang a few extra songs for them at the concert (the one I attended, naturally). When asked how he liked the show, Murphy said, "Are you kidding? It was like crack." The dunes are making more and more sense.
When LuPone is being compared to crack, it's definitely time to end yet another column. See? Who needs male nudity when you've got Patti? Of course, I've got oodles of non-Broadway gossip on www.BillyMasters.com, the truly versatile site. I may not have been able to squeeze in any of your questions, but I'm always here for you. Just send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Glenn Close calls Patti. (Look, it's gotta happen eventually.) Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.