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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2012-04-04

This article shared 2368 times since Wed Apr 4, 2012
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"All I have to say is it's true: I have a man-crush on Adam. It blows me away people can pick up on that just by watching us on television. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad. I don't care if it's mutual or not."—Blake Shelton admits his lustful desires for fellow The Voice judge, Adam Levine.

I'm not a Roman Catholic, but believe me when I tell you I have nothing against this current pope. I really don't. He orders custom-made red sandals from Provincetown. Fine. He's rumored to have been a Nazi. I saw The DaVinci Code; nothing surprises me—or so I thought. Then I saw Pope Benedict XVI driving in the Popemobile to preside over a mass in Mexico while wearing a sombrero on his head! This was actually the second sombrero of his trip. He was presented with the first sombrero by a mariachi band the night before. Are you telling me this sandal-wearing Nazi Pope is doing shots with a mariachi band and then is riding down the streets of Guadalajara wearing a sombrero like he's on spring break? It's like Popes Gone Wild—show your tits and he'll toss you a string of rosary beads! Next thing you know, he'll be inaugurating a wet vestments contest at St. Peter's! I'm sure more than one cardinal is thinking, "That could really liven up midnight mass on Easter!"

Gareth Thomas has refuted reports that Mickey Rourke will not be playing the openly gay rugby great in a biopic: "Any notion that Mickey is giving up on the role are way off the mark. I teamed up with Mickey because in my opinion there's nobody better to take on such a challenging role and nothing has changed there. He's so motivated by the role it's blown me away." Addressing other rumors about the film, Thomas said, "We'd love Tom Hardy to be involved, but he will not be playing me." No one's ruling out playing WITH him, however.

I had no idea Barbara Walters was being sued ... and in a Massachusetts court! In her autobiography, Audition, Walters discusses daughter Jackie's problems while attending the Wykeham Rise School, a boarding school in Connecticut. Here's the passage in question: "Jackie had a new friend named Nancy, whom the school kicked out midterm for bad behavior. She and Jackie had been found in the nearby town, high on God-knows-what." According to Nancy Shay, the drug use was "pure fiction" and that she, in fact, was having a lesbian romance with Walters' daughter! She's accused Babs of having her expelled from the school to thwart the Sapphic romance, and says Walters' forced her to stay silent about the affair, saying, "You'll ruin your name. Never mind, you'll ruin my name and my daughter's name." Horrors! The presiding judge stated that since Nancy's last name wasn't printed in the book, very few people would know it was her and there was no defamation. Ironically, because of the suit, we now know even more than Walters wrote. Maybe Jackie can file her own defamation suit against Nancy!

You might think you're immune to this type of disclosure because your mom isn't Barbara Walters. Think again. Gay porn star Samuel Colt recently said how shocked he was when his mom called to ask if he was a gay male porn star. How'd she find out? Here's his story: "She had had a date with a guy and he had stood her up. She wanted to entertain herself so she went to the adult bookstore to buy a dildo....." Right there, blood would be coming out of my ears and I'd be screaming, "La-la-la-la-la." But, Samuel continued to listen to his mother's tawdry tale. "She decided to browse the gay magazines because she said that's where the hottest guys always were. And there I was, on the cover of the magazine." This story could only get worse if she bought the magazine—"to entertain herself!"

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Travis in Denver: "Was that Harry Hamlin who picked up little Ian on 'Shameless' last week? Damn, he still looks mighty hot. Will we be seeing more of him?"

That was, indeed. Although I'm not sure he knows Ian's name—"I'm gonna call you Ginger" seemed to stick. It's safe to say that Harry Hamlin's still got it. He looks positively scrumptious for 60. Strike that—he looks good for 50! This may be the first viewing of Harry's assets since 1994's "Save Me" ( which I think was one of those Cinemax flicks ) . A couple of years ago, Hamlin was asked if he'd consider doing a sequel to Making Love. He said, "If they want to do something about a gay octogenarian, I may be up for it in a couple of years." How prophetic that his Shameless character could fulfill that goal. And, yes, he will be returning next season—but in a surprising way that I can't disclose. By the way, Cameron Monaghan plays the aforementioned Ian and let me share a cute story: The director waited until his 18th birthday to avoid any controversy when filming the nude scene and an earlier sex scene. Of course, there's nothing controversial about me posting it on BillyMasters.com .

When I'm not being controversial, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I still can't get over my first story. I wouldn't be surprised if those photos of the Pope in a sombrero will resurface at some competency hearing at the Vatican. If that happens, you know I'll cover it on www.BillyMasters.com, the truly diverse website. If you've got a question for me, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Samuel Colt's mom decides to make a film of her own! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2368 times since Wed Apr 4, 2012
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