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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2012-03-06

This article shared 2786 times since Tue Mar 6, 2012
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"Can I confide in you? I'm wearing shape-wear as well. They have it for men. If it makes you look slimmer and neater, why not?"—Tim Gunn shares a secret with Maya Rudolph on the Academy Awards red carpet. If it weren't being broadcast live internationally, it might have been more of a secret.

By now, you've all watched the Oscars—assuming you stayed awake. My Lord, just when you thought the show couldn't get more boring, someone came up with the bright idea of not giving out an award anyone cared about for the first hour! These things never happened when Gil was alive.

It almost made me squeal with delight to see Angelina come strutting out in that ridiculous dress. I knew we were in trouble when her coral lipstick seemed to have been applied by Stevie Wonder. Then she straightened her dress, planted her hand on her hip and stuck out her right leg—she looked like she was auditioning for the sequel to Showgirls. On anyone else, it might not have been such a pathetic moment. However, this is Angelina Jolie, arguably one of the most sought-after actresses in the world and the spousal-equivalent of one of the most beautiful men in the world. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn it wasn't Angelina but, rather, her close namesake, Angelyne. Yes, that's how tragic it was.

In a related story, failed actress Sean Young (she's just a statuette away from being Sally Kirkland) was placed under citizen's arrest after trying to crash the Governors Ball and allegedly assaulting a security guard! But that wasn't the best part. Earlier, she accosted a number of celebrities and tried to take photos with them—as if she were some pathetic fan...like me, for instance. Her "gets" were Glenn Close (clenching...and I know that pose), Sandra Bullock (looking almost sympathetic), and a bewildered Nick Nolte (who possibly expired when the camera flashed).

However, it was the photo of Sean between Brad Pitt and Angelina that is really priceless. Apparently, she saw the couple at the bar. She stormed over to say hi and reportedly told Angie, "Darling, we have the same hairdresser—and girls like us need help with our hair." While Jolie was trying to figure out if that was an insult or a compliment, Sean snapped the photo and dashed! I can relate. I, too, have inadvertently insulted my share of celebs. Remind me to tell you about ruining Billy Crystal's night the first time he hosted the Oscars.

When people win a big game or award, they often like to say, "I'm going to Disney"—but not Octavia Spencer. When asked what she'll do after her Oscar win, she said, "I'm going to get my boobs lifted." There's an answer you don't hear every day—and one that would have livened the awards if she'd shared it from the stage. Spencer went on to say, "I figured going into my 40s, I want my boobs where they were when I was 17."

We have to go back in time for our next story ... back to the Jurassic Era. That's when Zsa Zsa Gabor was born. I'm not sure where—Babylon, Mesopotamia or some other forgotten empire. On Feb. 6, the legendary beauty celebrated her 95th birthday with hubby Prince Fredric throwing a sumptuous soiree in her Bel Air mansion. Needless to say, Zsa wasn't down mingling with the guests. She was upstairs in her hospital bed, probably hooked up to numerous machines. In fact, I would have bet my last ruble that she wasn't even conscious. But that wily Prince has thwarted me by releasing pics of Zsa Zsa blowing out her candles. There's even one of her and Larry King—who looks positive youthful in the glow emanating from Zsa Zsa's life-support system.

Speaking of ancient ruins, Cher's heading back out on the road. Of course, if you read this column with any regularity, this is old news. I told you eons ago that she'd be touring in support of her upcoming new CD. So much for "Living Proof: The Farewell Tour." I believe the only thing she's said farewell to is her dignity.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's sloppy reporting—or, at least, misleading reporting. I was shocked to read the following headline in the UK newspaper The Daily Mail: "Days of our Lives Makes US Daytime Soap Opera History By Featuring Gay Kiss." Uh, really? Where have I heard that before? Oh, yeah, six years ago on August 17, 2007—Big Mama Master's birthday. Back then, it was Noah and Luke on As The World Turns. Of course, you read the article and it clarifies: "Days made TV history yesterday by airing the show's first same-sex kiss." Once again, the truth is in the details. This kiss was between Chandler Massey and Jesse Kristofferson. And if you think he could be related to Kris, you'd be right—he's the singer's son. I'll run photos and the video on my website.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Denny in Buffalo: "Ever since you wrote about Femme Fatales, I've gotten hooked—it's really sexy and funny. I went back to watch earlier episodes and in the second show from season one, the guy sleeping with the nurse looks familiar. Plus he's hot and nude. Do you know who he is?"

That would be Scott Bailey, who is now married to Adrienne Frantz—who appears to be the Renee Zelwegger of soap operas. You may remember Scott from Prayers for Bobby or, if you were a soap devotee, as Sandy on Guiding Light. He is most certainly gorgeous—and I can say that having seen him up close. Kinda like Matt Bomer—in fact, very much like Matt Bomer. I'd say more but, you know ... lawsuits and all. He does indeed show quite a bit of skin on this episode—more than ever. I'll post it so the rest of you can see it on BillyMasters.com .

When Octavia Spencer's next job might be reviving those old "Support Can Be Beautiful" commercials, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I'm sticking around Florida for a while. I just spent a charming evening with Kathleen Turner. But I'll save that for next week, along with other stories from my travels. All will be revealed on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that, like its owner, never sleeps. If you need my immediate attention, just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Sean Young gets a job with TMZ! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2786 times since Tue Mar 6, 2012
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