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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2012-02-15

This article shared 2417 times since Wed Feb 15, 2012
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"This year I have a talent crush on Ryan Gosling. I think he's fantastic and ... ahem ... you know he'd be nice afterwards. He seems smart. If I was gay, I would go for a smart man."—Daniel Radcliffe discusses who he'd want to be with if he were gay. Glad to know he's only interested in Gosling for his brains. As for me, Ryan could be dumb as a stump.

Just as we were on deadline came the tragic news: Whitney Houston—DEAD. At the time of this writing, details are sketchy ... an appropriate word if ever there was one. The singer's battle with drugs is well-documented and most people don't appear to be shocked that her life ended so soon ... although it is still tragic. Reportedly, Houston was at the Beverly Hilton, where she was staying in anticipation of mentor Clive Davis' annual pre-Grammy party. Just a few hours before the soirée, a member of her entourage found her unresponsive. (Some reports say she was in the tub.) Paramedics were called while hotel employees tried to resuscitate her. She was pronounced dead a half-hour later—which likely means she had died some time earlier. Whitney had been romantically linked with Ray J—Brandy's brother. She recently finished filming a remake of Sparkle with Jordin Sparks that was scheduled to be released Aug. 10—but I'd bet that date will be moved up quickly. While I know we'll be bombarded by news and revelations in the coming days, let me just take a moment to say rest in peace, Nippy.

Ray J's most famous sex partner, Kim Kardashian, has donated $50,000 to the Trevor Project, the folks who run the nationwide 24/7 suicide hotline for GLBTQ youths. Here's a word Kim rarely hears—"Bravo!"

Budget cuts have affected the alleged non-profit organization GLAAD. Of the full-time 45 employees, 11 have been fired. That's about one-quarter of their staff or, as I like to call it, a step in the right direction.

The guessing game for potential contestants on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars has started. While not officially under consideration, our own Greg Louganis is once again making a bid to be cast and has taken his campaign to Facebook. Of all the athletes who could be featured on the show, I can't think of anyone who would have more name recognition—or more controversy (and you know I love a bit of controversy). We hear that Dolly Parton was wooed, but politely declined. Someone who could fill her slot would be Paula Deen—plus a little exercise and good publicity would be fortuitously timed. Speaking of good publicity, I hear that Herman Cain's people have suggested him as a candidate—especially since he's no longer a candidate for anything else. There's been interest from Stevie Wonder's people. Wouldn't that be interesting? Would he lead? And, unlikely as it seems, an offer went out to my buddy Regis Philbin. Who the hell would his partner be? Gellman? Now, THAT I'd love to see! The new cast will be unveiled on Good Morning America Feb. 28.

You can say a lot of things about former DWTS contestant and reality whore Jake Pavelka. He may have no discernible talent. He may be losing his hair. He may be a lying sack of crap—but he's hot. So when it was announced that he'd be the new MC of the Chippendales revue at the Rio All-Suites Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, it made sense to me. He starts Feb. 23. I predict a Top Gun number will be added to the show.

You know what I've just noticed? That most of the people in this particular column have appeared on Dancing with the Stars. So who am I to fight a theme unfolding before my very eyes? Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is coming out to defend his heterosexuality, and let me say on behalf of gay men everywhere ... THANK YOU! If ever I was happy to know that someone is NOT gay, it's "The Situation!" It all started when Snooki and J-Woww (two names I never expected to type) openly mused about Sitch's sexuality and that he could be gay. Sorrentino's publicist said this rumor is "the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard." You want ridiculous? Snooki also made a sexual revelation: "I would consider myself bi. I've done stuff with girls before. I would never 'be' with a girl because I like penis. But I've experimented." See? Now THAT'S ridiculous.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Bruce in Chicago: "Is it me or are the hottest men on TV in Shameless? Who was the long-haired hunk last week with the big penis?"

Finally, something I'm qualified to talk about—big penises! That would belong to Zach McGowan, who also possesses a particularly perfect physique. Lemme set the scene—Zach is cooking breakfast in the nude. By the time the eggs are done, two characters are hiding under the kitchen table. He walks over to the table and from their vantage point, they're faced with a swinging penis—and, boy, does it swing! The moment this nude scene aired, one of my proofers texted me. He replayed it so many times, I believe he broke his TiVo. Thank God for BillyMasters.com!

When a big penis trumps a celebrity death, it's definitely time for me to end yet another column. I should mention that from Feb. 29 through March 5, I'll be in South Beach at the Winter Party Festival, which benefits the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (details at www.WinterParty.com ). I will interrupt my seaside frolicking and zip cross-country to Las Vegas for 12 hours so I can attend the March 3 gala grand opening of Share Nightclub ( www.ShareNightclub.com ). Something tells me I'll not only be exhausted, but I'll have all sorts of gossip and photos when the weekend's done. So be sure to keep up with www.BillyMasters.com for the latest dish. If you have a situation you'd like me to look into, just write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Snooki takes up dancing! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2417 times since Wed Feb 15, 2012
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