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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2012-02-08

This article shared 2180 times since Wed Feb 8, 2012
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"Almost 3 weeks since I've had dairy, red meat, wheat, gluten, sugar, alcohol, or caffeine. Lost 15 lbs & lost my mind."—Adam Shankman talks about his diet ... and newly-trim physique.

Normally I'm not a political person ... unless there's a punch line involved. This means, of course, I've watched all of the Republican debates with great interest. Obviously, they're a bunch of boobs, but is that any reason for people to glitter-bomb Mitt Romney? No, I'm not supporting him. That said, I cannot stress how anti-glitter-bombing I am. First, it's kinda silly. But more important, it's annoying. Do any of you like it when you're hot, sweaty, and shirtless on the dance floor, and suddenly little pieces of glitter come flying down from the heavens? I usually bolt the moment I see a flake. Why? Let's just say that I've had more than a few sleepless nights having various unnamed lads plucking glitter out of my nether regions. So, for the love of God, stop the madness.

A little birdie tells me that Regis' replacement on Live will be ... Howie Mandel. Although he's filled in for Reege and has great chemistry with Kelly, there was one stumbling block—moving to the Big Apple. I'm told that with America's Got Talent moving to NYC, everything is falling into place quite nicely. In fact, I hear Howie pushed for Howard Stern to be hired for that very reason! Stay tuned.

Brooke Shields made a shocking revelation—so shocking that it even shocked moi! Remember when she was dating George Michael? This was after she was dating Michael Jackson, but before she was dating John Travolta. Good God, her gaydar wasn't on the fritz; it was plotting against her.

Well, the Latisse spokesperson (be nice, it's all she has left) recently explained how she and the singer broke up. It was the end of a date, they were in the backseat of a limousine and George asked the chauffeur to drive around for a bit. When he raised the privacy divider, Brooke was sure she was gonna lose her virginity right then and there, in the back of a limo—like she was in some Duran Duran video! As she prepared for the inevitable, GM turned to her and said, "I think we need to take a break. I need to concentrate on my career." And then he dropped her off—and probably did it with the chauffeur. But that's not even the best part. The following year, George released "Careless Whisper." And Brooke was convinced—yes, convinced—that he had written the song about her! I still contend it's about Andrew Ridgeley.

Jennifer Holliday is like Halley's Comet. OK, now everybody... "How is Jennifer Holliday like Halley's Comet?" Because every five years, she turns up playing Effie White in Dreamgirls! The last time was 2007 in Atlanta, which I rushed to see, figuring it would be my last chance. Well, the joke's on me because Holliday is returning to the teenage role this summer. The place will be The Muny in St. Louis and the dates will be July 16-22. But this time, Jennifer says it will probably be her last: "I don't want to turn into Norma Desmond. ... I have played Effie every five years or so, and I think I can just get away with it one more time." I'm not sure I believe her. When Jennifer Holliday says "I'm not going," I think she means it!

In other theater news, have ya heard who might be taking over the lead in the Broadway production of Sister Act? Raven-Symoné, that's who. Yes, little Olivia from The Cosby Show is rumored to have signed a six-month contract to become the next Deloris Van Cartier starting at the end of March.

Before we get to our question, I must bow to public pressure. Dozens of you e-mailed me bemoaning the fact that you missed Mario Lopez modeling his underwear line on Ellen. Fine. Pics and footage are on BillyMasters.com .

And now, our "Ask Billy" question comes from Keiran in New York: "My roommate was at a film festival in Boston and saw James Franco in The Broken Tower. He told me it has a lot of gay sex. Have you seen it?"

Franco wrote, directed, edited, produced and starred in a biopic about poet Hart Crane called The Broken Tower. If he had sung the love theme, it could have been his Yentl!

Before we get to the film, a bit of history. Crane lived at the beginning of the 20th century and was a devotee of T.S. Elliot. He was one of those tortured alcoholic poets who was destined to die young. Among his many notorious exploits, his last bears mentioning. He was returning to New York from Mexico on a steamer. After hitting on a sailor (his great love was a sailor named Emile, played in the flick by Michael Shannon), he was beaten up and later went overboard. While some thought it could have been a drunken accident, onlookers swear he knew what he was doing. Allegedly, he glanced over his shoulder and said, "Goodbye, everybody." He was 32.

Obviously this had the makings of a provocative film, right? Not in the hands of Mr. Franco. This is one of those indulgent black-and-white art flicks shot as a series of vignettes that gives you a headache. Franco's classic features are evocative of the era and, when he's not speaking, he's effectively brooding. But I know you don't care what's coming out of his mouth—you want to know what's going in. I am happy to report that there is indeed a penis going in and out ... repeatedly. While I don't think he'll give any of my readers a run for their money in the gag-reflex department, James is convincing (when he flips over and bottoms, he's far more realistic). Check it out on BillyMasters.com .

When we can deliver Franco going down and flipping over, it's definitely time for me to end yet another column. Did you know that this could be the last year the Oscars are at the Kodak Theatre? With Kodak in Chapter 11 bankruptcy, the organization is trying to get out of its 20-year naming contract with the theatre. This coincides with the Oscars considering a move to the twice-as-large and more camera-friendly Nokia Theatre. Just a little extra tidbit for ya.

And there's more where that came from. Just check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that can't keep its mouth shut. If you have a question, just send it along to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Brooke makes some big revelation about her time with Calvin Klein! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2180 times since Wed Feb 8, 2012
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