"I asked him if he's elected, how does he plan to engage gay Americans. How are we to support him? And he told me to support Obama."—Scott Arnold, adjunct professor of writing at William Penn University, talks about his encounter with Newt Gingrich. Of course, I wasn't really planning on voting for him, anyway.
I always hate launching into how I feel about the new year because, only a few hours in, it seems much like 2011. So far, there are no big surprises. As usual, Ryan Seacrest ably assisted Dick Clark's drooping ball. By the by, Dick is now down to five minutes of the live broadcast. Then he was hurriedly whisked away ...probably to some underground cryogenics holding tank (which probably has a spray-tan attachment). Meanwhile, on CNN, Kathy Griffin (who could have used a spray tan) stripped for Anderson Cooper (ditto) and made him giggle like Kendra Wilkinson—something he agreed with! And I watched two Lindsay Wagner films with dear friends. If the rest of 2012 is this predictable, it's gonna be awfully dull. Thank God for the Mayans!
Alas, my holiday season wasn't all so dull, as I bade farewell to one of my favorite people in the world. Lynn Samuels, a radio broadcasting legend, passed away unexpectedly on Christmas Eve. This is almost poetic since Samuels, who was raised in a Jewish household, loved Christmas more than anyone I knew. She'd play Christmas carols on her radio show every year, singing along at the top of her lungs in her trademark off-pitched tones, which delighted (and horrified) listeners. Lynn was outspoken, blunt, brilliant and passionately loyal. But most of all, she had the quality I admire most in people—she was unapologetically unique. She held firm to her convictions, even when they resulted in professional (and personal) limitations. In these days when everyone wants to conform and play the game, Lynn was true to one thing—herself. She truly lived exactly the way she wanted to. You can listen to some of her classic moments and join in the remembrances of her life at www.LynnSamuels.com .
Adam Lambert was dealing with some drama of his own while in Finland with his boyfriend, Sauli Koskinen (a Finnish reality star). Apparently, the two were out partying at a Helsinki gay bar, Don't Tell Mama, when they got into a fracas (which, I believe, is a Finnish version of a fight). They were thrown out of the club and continued their contretemps (a Finnish version of a brawl) outside.
The couple had been clubbing with former Miss Helsinki, Sofia Ruusila. (Can I just interrupt this story to say I really wish I were famous enough to be hanging out with a Finnish beauty queen? Even an ex-one. Or, frankly, anyone who spells their name with two U's in a row!) Anyhoo, the police were called and the boys were arrested at 4 a.m. But no one has said what happened to Ruusila! The next day, Adam Tweeted, "Jetlag+Vodka=blackout. Us+blackout=irrational confusion. Jail+guilt+press=lesson learned. Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers=laughing bout it. :-)" Me+this story=YAWN!
Then there is the tumultuous love life of Marc Jacobs. I dunno about you, but I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for him to marry sexy Lorenzo Martone when they got engaged back in 2009. Sometime last summer, Martone reported that the two were no longer together. Since then, there have been a few names floated about in alleged relationships with Marc. Recently, Marc became romantically linked with porn star Harry Louis who, like Martone, is Brazilian. The rumors started after Harry Tweeted a photo of the two of them and said, "What a great weekend thanks to the sweetest guy on earth, Marc Jacobs, see you soon in Paris baby." The two of them allegedly met in London. Harry later Tweeted a photo of himself in Paris, saying, "See you soon Paris...Love every single minute of it, and yea, I'm in love again... It feels nice, and I'm so happy!!"
Not one week later came photos of Marc and ... quelle surprise (as they'd say in France), ex-fiancé Martone, strolling along the beach in Saint-Tropez. So what is going on? Is Marc with Lorenzo? Harry? Both? Neither? Who knows. The only thing we know for sure is that Harry and his enormous appendage are no longer on RentBoy ... and that usually means love—or a conviction. Often it's hard to tell the difference!
I must acknowledge one of my favorite annual events—the Kennedy Center Honors. I would like one year to go by without mentioning that Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg lumbered out like Chaz Bono doing the Argentine tango, but, alas, this was not the year. I won't even discuss her rockin' out to Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" in her burqa-esque gown. No, I want to talk about the tribute to Barbara Cook. Right onstage, for all to see, was the unlikely duo of Patti LuPone and Glenn Close—the Norma Desmonds of London and Broadway. I harkened back to Patti's memoir, where she repeatedly mentions her feelings about her replacement with quips like, "Oh, did I mention Glenn Close never, ever called me?" To have been a fly on the wall backstage in D.C. ...
Our first "Ask Billy" question of the year comes from Luis in Mexico City. He asks, "Do you know about twin Brazilian brothers who are doing porn? They're SO hot!"
Márcio and Marcos Patriota got quite a bit of attention when they turned up in the Brazilian magazine Las Mag in a shoot called "Ménage à 3." Shortly thereafter, they did a pictorial for FantasticsMag that was even more sizzling—probably because it was just the two boys (no offense to our female readers, of course). Their work is reminiscent of the early work of the lovely Brewer Twins ... except this is a pair of rippling Latino boys. The Patriotas are certainly gorgeous and ... well, uninhibited. They haven't actually done porn, but there's a hot behind-the-scenes video from this shoot. I'll be happy to christen the New Year by posting it on BillyMasters.com .
When I'm getting all bilingual on you, it's definitely time for me to end yet another column. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if Anderson is checking out www.BillyMasters.com—he'd love those Brazilian twins! If you have any questions, concerns, or resolutions you want to share, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I'll get back to you before Patti and Glenn sing "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)"! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
