"I've been rehearsing with 'fags' all my life and it's an honor—bye bye Bret RATnor."—the divine Julie Halston weighs in on "Ratnor"-gate.
If you've been reading this column lo these many years, then you know one thing about me—I'm multi-orgasmic! The other thing you know is that I'm not what you'd call "politically correct." Some of you may disagree with a few of my views, and I respect that. In fact, my favorite fan letters have come from smart, articulate, passionate people who want to debate me. I welcome you to keep those letters coming.
I'm sure I'll hear from many of you after I tackle the whole "It Gets Better" campaign. Look, it's nice. It's sweet. It's adorable. But it's a load of crap. What, pray tell, gets better? Has it been your experience that people stop being obnoxious, racist, sexist or stupid when they get older? Because that has not been my experience. I want to film my own PSA: "Kid, it DOESN'T get better. But you know what does get better? YOU! If you learn how to deal with jerks and, more importantly, how to not let them get to you, then you have unlocked the door to a happy life. So you're gonna have to be tough and deal with it. But here's the good news—most successful people were picked on as kids. It's true. Also, being an outsider gave them the drive and tools to succeed. So spend less time trying to change the world and, instead, change how you look at yourself. You might be surprised by what you see." Do you think Dan Savage will let me run that? 'Cause if so, I'm in.
Then we have this whole Brett Ratner garbage. First off, how many of you think Ratner is gay? Hands? Too many to count, I'm sure. There's always been speculation—he's even admitted that his first time receiving oral sex was from a guy ... except he didn't realize it was a guy (but that's another story). To recap: At a Q&A, someone asked Brett what the rehearsal period was like on Tower Heist, which he directed. He said, "Rehearsal? What's that? Rehearsal's for fags." Now, I'm sure he was using the F-word to mean "wussy." I don't think he meant, "Rehearsal is for Rupert Everett or Ian McKellen." Unfortunately, the quip was caught on film and went viral.
Since Ratner was slated to produce the upcoming Academy Awards, damage control was necessary. He issued an apology; the Academy accepted it; GLAAD weighed in, saying, "The apology is a good start;" and life was about to move on. However, the swell of dissention continued. Brett abruptly resigned from the Oscars and issued a lengthy and seemingly heartfelt apology. Rumor has it that he was forced out by the Academy but allowed to leave gracefully. Shortly thereafter, hand-picked host Eddie Murphy stepped down, quickly replaced by Billy Crystal. Do I think Brett should have resigned? Absolutely not. Do I think anyone should have expected him to? No, but that's just me. The Oscars are usually such a snooze-fest, I'd let Kim Jong-Il produce if I thought it would be entertaining!
The recent MTV European Music Awards got lots of attention when a naked man ran out during an introduction being handled less-than-adroitly by Hayden Panettiere. It was easy to assume this was a planned stunt because: a) the streaker is actually an actor from Belfast named David Monahan and b) security guards didn't emerge to eject him. Monahan has since admitted that the whole thing was staged, but only a handful of people knew about it—including, as it turns out, Hayden. Wow, she's a better actress than I thought! But it didn't go exactly as planned. You see, no one anticipated Monahan moving his hands away from his crotch, thus exposing his nether regions for all to see as he bounced ... er, walked offstage. You can see it/him for yourself at BillyMasters.com .
In other European news, Ricky Martin has become a citizen of Spain—but he hasn't given up his U.S. citizenship. He was granted the equivalency of dual citizenship by the Spanish government due to "his personal and professional links with Spain." However, the reason he pursued this naturalization is interesting—it's because same-sex marriage is legal in Spain. He explained this to Larry King last year: "I can go to Spain. I have many friends in Spain. And get married. And make it very beautiful and symbolic. But I can't do it in the backyard of my house. I want to have that option. I don't want to be a second-class citizen anymore. I pay my taxes. Why can't I have that right?" Will he now pay taxes to two countries? 'Cause that could be awfully expensive.
In the current issue of Paper magazine, there is an article by Big Brother alum Will Wikle called "Confessions of an Accidental Go-Go Boy." The only part of this title I'd take exception to is the word "accidental." If anyone was destined to be a go-go boy, it's Will. In fact, with all due respect to Reichen, I'd say that Wikle's got the most delectable body of any of our many gay reality stars. This assertion is clearly borne out by the sizzling shots he's taken over the years ... each one showing more and more skin. But he's not putting all of his eggs in one basket ... as it were. The 32-year-old hottie is still working as an ER nurse. But he's also openly embracing what has proven to be each and every gay reality star's greatest asset—his ass! In the article, Will says, "God blessed me with a bountiful butt." I certainly can't argue that point. And you can see pretty much all of Willy on BillyMasters.com .
When becoming a go-go boy is the logical progression for a reality star, it's time for me to do some sit-ups and end yet another column. You know, I was on the Real Housewives and D-List—it's only a matter of time before I'm dancing on a box in a nightclub. Until then, I'm content entertaining the masses at www.BillyMasters.com—both with this column and the more personal musing on "Billy's Boudoir." If you want to write me (and I know you do), drop an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I film that PSA! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
