"I think it's so funny that people think I'm perfect for this because I'm going to be horrendous. I'm gonna be the worst host that's ever hosted the show."Eddie Murphy talks about hosting the upcoming Academy Awards. At least he's set my expectations pretty low, which may be a pretty smart move.
Last week, I attended a panel discussion about television specials sponsored by the Directors Guild of America. At one point, the panelists talked about things they saw that inspired them to get into this business we call show. I swear to God, one of the panelists said, "I really loved the work done on that first Liza and Golda special." I turned incredulously to my companions and in a loud voice said, "WHAT? Did Liza do a special with Golda Meir?"at which point I proceeded to kick up one leg with an extension that, frankly, would have made Cyd Charisse jealous. Really? Golda Meir? Singing and dancing with Liza? That certainly would have been the very definition of "special." Admittedly, I'm sure she wasn't in many skitsthere are only so many times you can do a Jimmy Durante impression! Obviously, I know the panelist meant Goldieas in Hawn. But I got far more pleasure out of picturing the mother of Israel in a Bob Mackie outfit lurching through Bob Fosse choreography.
Speaking of real specials, I was delighted to participate in the 21st annual "Divas Simply Singing." Sheryl Lee Ralph started this AIDS benefit as a tribute to the many friends she lost to the disease during her years on Broadway. So it was fitting that this year, the 30th anniversary of Dreamgirls on Broadway, she reunited with Loretta Devine and Jennifer Holliday to not only briefly perform together but also reminisce about that experience and unveil an AIDS quilt made to remember those cast members no longer with us.
Of course, I was on hand to ably assist the glorious Jenifer Lewiswho can somehow take a four-minute song and turn it into a 20-minute one-woman show! If it were up to the audience, we'd still be onstage. But eventually Loretta was sent out to physically drag us off the stage! The whole show was filled with highlightsfrom Bonnie Pointer bringing us back to the disco to LaShaun Pace bringing us back to church. Shanice Wilson paid tribute to Vesta Williams while Teena Marie was remembered by her daughter. Along the way, people like Amber Riley, Kelly Price, Frenchie Davis and the duo of Faith Evans and Shirley Murdock tore the roof of the Wilshire Ebell. Thousands of dollars were raisedand you can still donate by going to TheDivaFoundation.org . To view some footage from the show (including my performance), head on over to BillyMasters.com .
Often divas are embarrassed by their family members. This week, we all heard that 55-year-old Anthony Ciccone, brother of Madonna, is living under a bridge in Michigan. He says his family members have turned their backs on him, his father fired him from working in the family winery and he's suffering from frostbite. He was quick to add, "I'm not looking to get a free hand-out because of my sister. I'm not looking for any publicity" in between posing for photos from his under-bridge pied-à-terre. He says he collects bottles and cans on the street so, please, if you're in Traverse City, Mich., throw your Dr. Pepper cans by the Union Street Bridge. Anthony thanks you.
Of course, we all know that Chaz Bono's time on Dancing With The Stars has come to an end. Frankly, it's a blessing. I'm not sure how many more weeks Chaz could maintain the punishing schedule. Does this end Bono's performing aspirations? Not at all. When asked about what's next, Bono said, "If Broadway comes knocking, please. I'd be very happy to do anything." It's never too soon to start planning a Hairspray revival...
Now we come to the portion of the column where I try to enrich all of your lives. As we all know, I am the closest thing the gay community has to Oprahand let's pause for a moment to reflect on how tragic that is. The book I want to share with you is titled Self-Empowerment: Have the Life You Want!and yes, my dears, the exclamation point is in the title, so you know that author Ken Howard knows what he's saying! Halfway through, do you know what I discovered? I'm not nearly as happy as I thought. Well, that's depressingbut by the end, I was happy again! How, pray tell, did this metamorphosis occur? Well, I hate to give away the ending ... but it's a doozy! So I'm recommending this self-help book. After all, it even helped moisomeone who thought his self didn't need any help at all!
I just read a headline which gave me pause"Former Real World cast member sues MTV after being allegedly raped with a toothbrush." My mind immediately went back to when Dan Renzi from The Real World: Miami last stayed at my Fort Lauderdale abode. Upon my return, the place was in disarray, several suspicious toothbrushes were strewn about and there were a number of questionable stains that couldn't be identified without enlisting the aid of that blue light from CSI. You don't think ... no, it couldn't be...
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Cary in Dallas: "I am totally in love with Chris Zylka, who is on The Secret Circle. What do you know about him?"
I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I had no idea what The Secret Circle was. Then I realized whyit's a series on The CW, a network I've boycotted ever since the cancellation of Reba. That being said, I thankfully DO know who Chris Zylka is. The super-hot 26-year-old has done quite a bit of modeling (with not much clothing) and has shown up in a bunch of shows I've never heard. He'll also appear as Flash Thompson in the upcoming Spider-Man reboot. I also seemed to recall that he was in Gregg Araki's Kaboom, playing the roommate of my buddy Thomas Dekker. I never saw the film, but I heard there was a hot nude scene with the two guys. Now, you know, sometimes I need to take a break from all my research, kick back with a glass of wine, a video and a box of Kleenex. I recommend you do the same while heading over to watch the footage on BillyMasters.com .
When my modest little beach house is being investigated as a crime scene, it's definitely time to end another column. On the positive side, I'm glad they're dusting for fingerprintsthe place needed a good going-over. As does my online home, www.BillyMasters.com, where you can not only read this column but also my more personal musings, "Billy's Boudoir." If you have a question that needs my attention, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I send Anthony Ciccone that self-help book. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.