"We're judging the jive here, me ole sausage."Len Goodman chastises Derek Hough after his dance last week with Ricki Lake. "Me ole sausage"? I believe that's the British equivalent of me calling my friend a messy bottom.
I know this will be a controversial stance, but I'm standing behind Patti Stanger. I love our "Millionaire Matchmaker" because she's honest! She doesn't coddle people. When guys come in to find love, she'll say, "You look like crap," or "You need better clothes," or "Could you lay off the Fritos for five minutes?" So why on Earth was anyone surprised when telling Andy Cohen about the gay men she encounters in her L.A.-based business that, "There is no curbing the gay man. You know, I try curbing you people and I've just decided to throw in the towel and say, 'Do what you want. But when you find the right person, you will know.'" Poor Andy looked positively baffledthat wonky eye was spinning like a top! Then he said, "I'm down with monogamy"like he's all street. Patti asked him, "Really? When was your last relationship?" "Well," he said, "I was in a three-year relationship six years ago." Patti just rolled her eyeshe and Andy looked like twins! I give her a pass. She's a matchmaker. She's not looking to get us laid or for us to have a good time tonight. She wants us in relationships. Team Patti.
In a little case of life imitating art, sexy Sean Maher has come out. Sure, there have been rumors ever since his Party of Five days, to say nothing of his sexy turn on the long-lamented Firefly" However, on The Playboy Club, he's playing a character (coincidentally named Sean) who is in the closet and married to a lesbianhoney, that's how it was done in the '50s. So he probably thought this was a great time to just come out. He reveals that back when he told his manager he was gay, the manager pushed him to always show up at events with a girl on his arm, adding, "It's best if you keep your options open. Maybe bisexual?" Sean says he went so far as to sleep with several women. "It was a very confusing time for me," he admitted. It's not so confusing nowhe's been with his partner Paul for nine years and they have two kids: "I have these beautiful children and this extraordinary family. To think in any way shape or form that that's wrong or that there's shame in that or that there's something to hide actually turns my stomach." So there!
Sept. 28, 2011the day Barbra Streisand caused Lea Michele's head to explode. Actually, it started two days earlier. Lea was watching Hoarders and noticed one of the subjects had a Babs Barbie. "Where is this man and how can I get my hands on that doll!!!!" Michele posted on Twitter. Then, on the 28th, Babs went on Twitter to post, "Forget the guy. I'm sending you the doll. But I want a Lea Michele doll when it comes out." Paramedics had to be called to the Michele house, but she's fine now. She's sitting by the door waiting for the postman.
In other TV news, Tia and Tamera Mowry (formerly on Sister, Sister) caused a bit of a kerfuffle when they appeared on The Wendy Williams Show. Wendy was very interested in how Tia lost the baby weight, and she said she's been working out with Jeanette Jenkins, to which Wendy quipped, "Oh, that's Queen Latifah's old friend." Which lead Tia to say, stumbling over her words, "Uh, yes, it's her ... 'friend!'" The audience burst into applause. And Wendy looked out there as if to say, "What? What's so funny?" But, of course, we all know what's so funny! You'll laugh, too, when you see the clip on BillyMasters.com .
Most of you enjoy seeing every inch of sexy Chris Evans. Alas, I have to break some sad news to you. Obviously you've seen the footage we have on BillyMasters.com of him walking around completely nude in the just-opened flick What's Your Number (which was so poorly rated, save your money and just watch the clip on my site). And, sure, for the most part that is him. But one part isn't. Chris decided that he needed a butt double. As someone who has spent time with Chris, let me assure you there's nothing wrong with his ass. But for whatever reason he didn't want his bare derriere in this film. Instead, he enlisted the aid of Zach, his former roommatebecause if there's one thing roommates know, it's each other's asses! Chris brought Zach to meet the powers-that-be and everyone agreed it was a perfect fit. Added Chris, "He's got a great ass."
Could it be that a certain highly visible same-sex couple is looking to expand their repertoire? Seems so, according to some South Beach studs who were approached to join in the Cirque du So Gay activities that take place in the pair's boudoir. While most wisely declined the invite, one did partake of the carnal pleasures that I have no doubt these experienced daddies can provide. The encounter wasn't horrible, but the newbie called it "awkwardas if maybe it was their first." The post-coital conversation was far more adept. The more aggressive (read: gainfully employed) mate said he'd be up for future one-on-one action while his spousal-equivalent was busy in the kitchen. The new addition smiled and scooted. Since numbers had already been exchanged, the texts have been flooding in.
When a blind item supports Patti Stanger's point of view, it's definitely time to end yet another column. How fortuitous: A big-time same-sex celebrity couple is not only having a three-way, but one of the partners is trying to hook up with the bonus boy on the sidethings that make you (and Patti) go, "Hmmm." Or things that make you go to www.BillyMasters.comthe site that stimulates your mind and other organs. To get a hold of me for your queries, questions or quickies, just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Barbra buys her son a Chris Colfer doll for Hanukkah! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.