"Arthur Laurents told me the three actresses he had in mind for the role, and of the three, Streisand was the best choice... Singing 'Rose's Turn' is all about giving up control and discovering it every time. I think Streisand is very in control. She would be like, 'I'm going to fart, and everyone's going to hear it!'"—Patti LuPone gives her thoughts on the possibility of Babs filming a remake of Gypsy, something that will likely not happen due to the death of Arthur Laurents.
Lately I've been in some dental distress. Now, I have a high threshold for pain—just ask anyone who's dated me. But if there's anything worse than being in pain at home, it's being in pain away from home. I had no idea what to do or who to go to. While some fans had some extremely helpful advice, I faced the very real possibility of blindly picking a dentist off the Internet. That's when my colleague Lynn Samuels (on Sirius Stars 107) recommended her own dentist who had relocated to Fort Lauderdale, Fla. Within a couple of days, I was in the trusty hands of an adorable Nova Southeastern University Dental resident who took care of my gaping hole. Come to think of it, it wouldn't be the first time I've said that about somebody I found online!
I was literally in a waiting room when I heard the bizarre story about a woman arrested in neighboring Pompano Beach. Ann Marie Hernandez was taken into custody after police learned that she was concealing a fraudulent credit card and driver's license in her vagina. Yes, IN her vagina!!! You'd think this was an isolated incident, but some cursory research revealed that women use their vaginas to carry a variety of things. Why just last month, Gloria Esther Perez of Fort Myers, Fla., ended up in the big house after police discovered a bottle of prescription medication and a knife up there! Well, I suppose it's easier than carrying a purse. It also means that the dentist who tended to my cavity had absolutely nothing to complain about!
However, it's not just ladies with gifted crotches. Sexy actor Alex Pettyfer (from that movie I Am Number Four, which nobody saw) admits that he got a tattoo above his penis that says "Thank you." Why? "In case I forget to say it." He's a giver. Strike that—a receiver! Elsewhere in the VMAN magazine interview, Alex talks about life in Hollywood: "L.A. is growing on me a little bit, but it's still a shit hole. Geographically it's fantastic: In a half hour, you can be on the beach in one direction, go snowboarding in another, or go out into the desert. But socially it's disgusting. I wish they'd run all the cunts out." And this is how my columns develop a theme...
It's been oft reported that Pettyfer's family was best friends with the family of Channing Tatum—a detail Alex admits is completely untrue. However, it's still the perfect segue into our next story. Before becoming a film star, Tatum was a lithe male model who used to take off his clothes at the drop of a hat—although in the full-frontal shot we have on BillyMasters.com, he leaves his hat on. At the same time, he was also working as a male stripper (something we revealed in 2009 along with a video). And where did he strip? In Florida. Yet another crotchal connection to the Sunshine State. Now Chan is parlaying his past into a film. He's teamed up with Steven Soderbergh (who continually promises he's retiring) to produce and act in Magic Mike. Since his weight has fluctuated considerably upon entering his 30s (alas, that's life), Tatum will not be playing the young hunky stripper. Instead, he'll be the older stripper who mentors the young hunky dancer. Either way, someone's taking something off. "This was a wild and pivotal time in my life and I couldn't be more thrilled to go down the rabbit hole with Steven," Tatum said. Soderbergh called Channing's pitch "one of the best ideas I'd ever heard for a movie." So, move over Erin Brockovich, Traffic and Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Here comes Magic Mike!
Staying in shape in your 30s doesn't seem to be a problem for Lane Garrison, formerly of Prison Break and, more recently, an actual prison! Seeing recent photos of the soon to be 31-year-old strolling shirtless on the beach, I can understand why the warden placed him in protective custody "for his own safety." I suspect someone might have wanted to play "hide the credit card" with him! While you're looking at these photos on BillyMasters.com, remember—don't drink and drive. And thus ends the public service portion of this column.
Didya know that Jacob Lusk, the latest cast-off from American Idol, has some experience in prison? Back in 2009, Jacob was cited for riding the L.A. subway without a ticket. It's a minor offense, but he skipped his court date, which led to an arrest warrant—'cause L.A. don't play! About a year later, he's pulled over for going through a stop sign, the officer sees the outstanding arrest warrant, and suddenly Lusk is playing "What's in your wallet?" in the hoosegow! He only had to serve three days in jail, which he says he endured by singing to his fellow inmates. I guess that was one way to keep his mouth occupied. But, I have a hunch it wasn't the only way.
Didya know that a recent study shows that ingesting semen can act as an antidepressant? Keep that in mind next time you're feeling a little down.
Could it be that a certain soap siren has a new occupation? Full-time beard—or imminent Mrs. Beard. Of course, she's got loads of experience, given some of her onscreen partners (including two whom were vying for her affection at the same time). And certainly her current paramour fits that niche nicely. But our damsel in distress says this is the real thing—because she's gotten a sign. Hey, who am I to doubt her. Maybe this really is her soul mate. Or maybe it just means that she and Ellen have the same taste in music.
When a soap star is praying her fiancé is nothing like his most recent character, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Now that I'm out of pain, I can concentrate on the important things—like keeping you up to date of the latest gossip on www.BillyMasters.com . And I'm always happy to hear from the fans. Feel free to send me a note at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I check my dentist for tattoos! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
