"A vibrator. Definitely. A gold one."Elton John answers Piers Morgan's question, "What's the single item you've bought in your life that's brought you the most happiness?" Don't paint me a picture.
I've uncovered the secret to eternal youth and I'm gonna share it with you, because that's the kinda guy I am. The key to staying young is to constantly have new experiences. Last year, I went to my first White Party in Palm Springs (more about that later). And now, I've just gone to my first Winter Party in South Beachand I didn't even plan it. I must thank the organizers who went out of their way to accommodate my last-minute request. Sure, being a well-known syndicated columnist helps. You know what else helps? Always being nice to people. How nice? Years ago I was apparently very nice to someone while in the hot tub of a well-known television personality. Fast forward to last weekthe person who had to OK my request remembered me from that hot tub. Learn from Uncle Billyit won't kill you to be friendly. In fact, it can be downright pleasant!
As to the Winter Party itself, it drew huge numbers of gorgeous guys raising money for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. But, of course, they were also there to party. When I arrived in a sea of abs and pecs, I didn't see a single person I knew. Thankfully, I was immediately approached by a podiatrist from Los Angeles who wanted to say he's a big fanand you know how I love my fans ... if only there was a hot tub nearby! I also spent time schmoozing with a big TV star, a celebrity publicist, a club producer, someone who had just spent time with President Obama, my favorite flight attendant and a few of my favorite porn pups. I even spied Jeffrey Sanker taking time out from planning his upcoming White Party on the dance floor. It was a fabulous event.
Someone who would fit in with all these festivities events is George Michael, who has revealed that since his stint in prison, he's lost weight: "I hope it's self-evident just in the fact I've lost about 15 lbs, I hope it's self-evident I'm not eating as much any more, which should tell you a lot. None of my trousers fit anymore, for the right reasons this time." See what happens when you don't have the munchies?
While I was in Miami, New Orleans was bursting at the seams for Fat Tuesdayor, as Kirstie Alley calls it, Tuesday. The grand marshals of the Endymion Parade were Anderson Cooper and Kelly Ripa. Ripa was accompanied by hubby Mark Consuelos while Coop brought his beau, Benjamin Maisani. Andy Cohen (and his one good eye) was spotted trying to toss beads to the crowd. You can see them cavorting on BillyMasters.com .
Alas, there's no celebrating up in NYC, where the beleaguered production of Spider-man: Turn Off The Dark continues to limp along. The most recent opening night (the fifth rescheduled opening night, in case anyone is keeping track) has been postponed while the show undergoes a drastic overhaul. In a move that surprised no one, director and co-writer Julie Taymor has "stepped down" (read: been pushed out). The official reason is that she has too many other commitments to be able to completely retool the show. While the staging is being revamped, Bono and The Edge are trying to come up with a few new tunes that have a melody that anyone cares about. The show will shut down for three weeks April 17 to implement these changes, resume more "previews" May 12 and open June 14maybe the sixth time will be a charm! While I understand the technical aspects of this production made a traditional path unlikely, there are reasons why shows usually do out-of-town tryouts!
Which leads us to this week's "Ask Billy" question. Patrick in Chicago writes, "Did you see the Les Miz concert from London? Who was the hot hunk who played Enjorlas? My god, he's gorgeous. And what a voice!"
That would be mega-sexy Ramin Karimloowho happens to be playing the Phantom in the London production of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Love Never Dies, the sequel to Phantom of the Opera. In fact, Ramin has the distinction of being the youngest person to play the title role in "Phantom" in the West End (he was 28). Far more interesting is that he posed nude for Cosmo UK. At the time, he said, "I've been on stage in just my pants before, in Miss Saigon, but I've never done full-frontal nudityI'm too shy to even walk around my house naked, so you girls should consider yourselves very lucky today." Yeah, he said "girls"he's married and has two kids. But what the hella hot guy is a hot guy, and you can consider yourself lucky to see every inch of him at BillyMasters.com .
And since several of you have asked, I'll also run those full-frontal nude photos of Chris "Horse Hung" Brown on BillyMasters.com . At least now we know why Rihanna stuck around so long.
When Chris Brown has two ways of choking you, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Do you know what I've never done? Been to Mardi Gras. That'll be my new thing in 2012. But first I have to get through the White Party on April 8-11 (tix and info at www.JeffreySanker.com ). The latest singer added to the line-up is Melody Thornton, formerly of the Pussycat Dolls. You can get all late breaking news at www.BillyMasters.com . And if you've got a question, just send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before George Michael publishes a diet book! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.