"Hire a stunt person to fall on someone every three or four weeksthat'll keep the audiences showing up!"Joan Rivers gives director Julie Taymor an idea of how to keep the musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark from becoming the most expensive flop in Broadway history. Listen to Auntie Joanshe knows a thing or two about flops!
This column is all about lovepeople I love, things I love, people and things I'd love to love, the song "Love to Love You Baby", love, love, love. That's because this column hits the street on Valentine's Day. And I know that because my birthday was yesterday, and I love my birthday. Valentine's? Eh, we have a complicated relationship, but that's something for us to work on in couples counseling. For now, let's focus on love.
Gay people love Cher. Last week, the Dark Lady wrapped up her Caesars Palace run to focus on completing her new CD and plan her upcoming national tour. So it was no surprise that the faithful trekked to Las Vegas to pay homage to their queenand among the throngs and multitudes was Kathy Griffin. Prior to leaving L.A., she tweeted a photo of herself decked in an eerily Cher-esque ensemble (circa "Turn Back Time"), with a caption (in Tweet-speak) that read: "Off 2 Vegas 2 c closing nit 4 the FAB @Cher. Have 2 return her outfit she doesn't exactly no I borrowed ;)" Truth be told, Kath looked pretty good in that drag. At the concert, she ran into one of the divas of dragthe delightful and virtually legendary Randy Roberts. Those two Cher nuts posed for the paps and then made their way backstage to share libations with the Half Breed.
As much as I love Kathy, Randy and Cher, I couldn't join them in Vegas because I love Mark Sendroff more. These columns have oft chronicled the wizardry capable of this lawyer to the stars. There is nothing he can't doboth professionally and personally. And that was highly evident when those he loves most came from near and far to gather in Beverly Hills for a sumptuous feast. Yes, it's true that the average age was somewhere between 60 and death, and that's just how I like itI'll go anywhere if it means I'll be considered a "twink" (next stop, Zsa Zsa's house). I was at the "kiddie table" with Bruce Vilanch, Sam Harris, Michael Orland, Nancy Dussault and her hubby, Val. The next table had Karen Morrow, Julia Murney, Jason Graae, Mimi Hines, Jimmy James, Armelia McQueen, David Engel and Ken Page. Off in little nooks around the room one could spy Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme, and Bob Mackie and his adorable assistant, Joe, who were on diva duty tending to Marilyn Maye. At one point, I locked eyes with the dashing Gregory Harrison. Towards the end of the night, Carole Cook and Tom Troupe wandered inthey were in the neighborhood and I think responded to the whiff of formaldehyde in the air! It was as if someone mounted a musical version of Cocoonwhich I suppose makes me Steve Guttenberg.
The evening was filled with love, fabulous food, fond reminiscences and more love. People got up to singSam Harris, Marilyn Maye, Nancy Dussault, Mimi Hines, Danny Guerrero (who organized the show portion of the night)and were all accompanied by the masterful Michael Orland. But the best was yet to come. A few years ago, Eydie Gorme said farewell to the stage. I still bemoan the fact that I never got to see her live. When Steve Lawrence got up to sing, I turned to Sam and said, "You don't think....." "Nah, she'll never do it," said Sam. At that moment, I spied a little, slightly hunched-over lady quietly inching her way towards the front. The moment the light hit her, she was erect, swinging and snapping, and then the unthinkable happenedSteve and Eydie were singing "Our Love Is Here To Stay" and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. The old magic was back. Then Eydie led a rousing version of "Happy Birthday" to Mark Sendroffa fête that won't soon be forgotten. Of course, photos and even that historic video will appear on BillyMasters.com .
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Zane in Toronto: "What do you know about that hot blond guy in the trailers for 'I Am Number Four'? I have no clue who he is, but he's gorgeous!!!!"
That would be British actor and model Alex Pettyfer, who appears to have sprung up out of nowhere (aside from some ads for Ralph Lauren and The Gap). I do immediately have to identify him as heterosexual, although he is not interested in discussing his relationship with co-star Dianna Agron (from Glee) other than to say they are not engaged. Despite some rumors to the contrary, I'm told that Alex is very down to earth, humble and missing that quality so many domestic actors havethat feeling of entitlement. In fact, he had to be forced to audition for"I Am Number Four. He simply felt that there was no way he could carry a big sci-fi thriller. He actually walked out of the audition, saying, "I'm sorry. I'm not right for this. I can't. I don't want to muck up your movie." After passing on dozens of other actors, the casting people called Alex back in two weeks later. At that point, he thought he had nothing to lose. He screen-tested, Spielberg liked what he saw and the rest is history.
Speaking of history, let's talk about a movie in his past. There's a little British slasher flick I'm sure none of you saw called Tormented. One reason to watch it is because you get to see all of Alex during a very steamy, hot, almost animalistic sex scene with some girl in the backseat of a car. Aside from showing Pettyfer's anatomy from a variety of angles, it actually contains a messagethe girl stops Alex at the moment of entry by producing a condom from inside her bra! See? It's a safe-sex film. You can watch the entire scene on BillyMasters.com .
When I've completely forgetten the theme of the week, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Oh yeahlove! I guess I was distracted by the hot sex in the back seat of a car. Personally, I always enjoyed the front seatthere was a time I couldn't have an orgasm unless there was a steering wheel between my legsbut that's another story, and we simply don't have space for yet another anecdote. In fact, we cut so much gossip for print, you best check out www.BillyMasters.com to see what you're missing. If you've got a question, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I take to carrying a condom in my jock strap (well, they all end up in there sooner or later). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.